Crimson Moon
by Luckycat3
Summary: NM AU - The wolves were too late and Bella was bitten by Laurent. She must discover how to live as a vampire without the Cullens, plus deal with everything else: werewolf treaties, Jacob, Victoria, Charlie, and eventual complications. Work in progress.
1. Changed

**My first fanfiction! I'm working really hard to keep it as close to canon-style as possible! It would make my day if you could spare a minute to write a review!  
Remember, at this point in New Moon, Bella hasn't yet discovered Jacob's a werewolf, and she certainly doesn't know about all the differences about newborn vampires. This story is going to focus a lot on Bella surviving as a vampire _without_ the Cullens. So don't expect Alice to pop up in Chapter 2, and they all live happily ever after! Werewolves conveniently erase visions. The only spoiler I can give is the main character selections. Trust me, I'll work hard to make the reunion _epic._ ;D**

**Disclaimer: The Twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Not me.  
**

***

"Please," I gasped.

Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."

"Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back.

Laurent followed, lithe and graceful.

"Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."

I stared at him in horror.

He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.

I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. _Edward, Edward, Edward_. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. _Edward, I love you_.

Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent slowly took a step forward. He seemed to appraise me, watching to see if I might try a futile attempt at escape.

But that's what it was, futile.

I was going to die. _Edward, I'm sorry._

With what seemed to be a single, fluid motion – one that must have been performed a thousand different times with all the same end – he sprang across the gap between us, lifted my paralyzed face level with his, and his fangs unerringly sought my human neck. I felt the razor edges of his teeth sink effortlessly through my skin and his icy lips press firmly to my neck. I screamed as his sharp teeth gouged painfully deeper into my skin. I felt an icy cold wave of panic as I felt my blood drain away from me.

"Fight, don't give up!" my beautiful hallucination pleaded, but his voice – Edward's voice – seemed full of dread.

My brief scream faded.

I didn't want to fight anymore. Even if somehow my feeble strength could repel my attacker, even if somehow my clumsy body could outrun my predator, I couldn't bring myself to even bother trying. I was almost happy that it was over. Even if this death was painful, and terrifying, I was somewhat glad it would be over very soon. Darkness started to drift across my vision. I jammed my eyes shut, not wanting the last thing I saw to be the wild red eyes of my murderer.

I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?

I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.

"No! Bella, no!"

I first I thought I was hearing Edward's furious growl, but I quickly realized it was something else. Edward's growl wasn't nearly so rough and guttural. I then heard an entire chorus of these growls, and snarls. Laurent froze for the briefest moment, and suddenly dropped me, spinning to face whoever was challenging his kill. My knees buckled as my weight was returned to me, and I crumpled limply to the ground. My hand clapped weakly over my torn neck, feeling my hot blood flow fast from under my hand, lacing around my fingers.

My eyelids fluttered open, and I dimly registered massive dark shapes detaching themselves from the forest, hurtling themselves toward my would-be murderer. Five massive beasts seemed to descend upon the vampire, but I could hardly follow the movement with my eyes before Laurent fled with the animals pursuing him.

Confusion flooded me at the same time that the pain did. Now that I was free of the crushing grip and slicing fangs, I registered for the first time the fire. My neck was burning and the pain was quickly spreading and increasing as it slowly inched further from the bite with every beat of my heart. I realized what was happening with a start, and I realized that this time there would be no one to stop the spread like before, no one to draw out the venom quickly infecting my system with fire and pain.

_No!_ I cried out at the hellishly cruel irony of this situation. I had only wanted to become a vampire to spend forever with Edward, and now, I was condemned to spend eternity without him.

The flames spread and the pain that accompanied them was unimaginable. I writhed and screamed as I tore at my neck, my fingers clawing uselessly at the fire, as if trying to extinguish them. But the flames refused to be swayed and, as if in protest to the idea of my trying to extinguish them, they suddenly grew more intense and I knew I've never felt such agony in my life. My hands drifted further from my neck as I clawed at the line of fire slowly razing through my body, and I screamed and cried out as more of my body was consumed in pain. By the time my whole body was plunged into the scalding flames, my throat was already hoarse from the screaming. But I continued regardless, it was utterly impossible to endure this pain silent. With my entire body now filled with fire, the pain unexpectedly rose and peaked, and rose again. I was temporarily stunned by the intensity of the flame, before my mind restarted with a single thought.

_Let me die!_

_Let me die! Let me die! Let me die!_

But I was trapped in the pain. I couldn't even comprehend the time as I was sucked into the endless moment of agony. It might have been seconds or hours, but it might as well have been an eternity in hell and fire as I lay in the meadow. The meadow where Edward first told me he loved me, but now the clearing held new memories for me, ones now forming as I flipped and writhed in the grass and dirt, gouging marks into the earth with my frantic body. Over my screaming, I faintly heard nearby growling, and it seemed a thousand deaths ago when I had first witnessed the dark beasts break out of the forest. The confusion filled whatever tiny portion of my head that wasn't already filled with pain as I now actually considered what actually had the tenacity and strength to challenge a vampire and now seemingly emerge alive.

But my thoughts could hardly unravel this mystery as the pain broke my thread of concentration. But now I could hear the beasts louder as they growled and snarled at each other, apparently only a short distance away. Hope suddenly filled me. _Please kill me! Please kill me! _ I mentally chanted hoping the monsters would turn on me, finish me when the pain would not. I was aware when the snarling increased and I heard the violent sounds of fighting.

_Why are you killing each other? It's me you want! Kill me! Please kill me!_

A sudden chorus of howls filled the air. I dimly saw one of the beasts stalk closer to me and as it filled my vision I was suddenly able to register what it was. It was a wolf, a monstrous reddish brown beast with black eyes –black eyes that locked on my own with a frightening intelligence- and it seemed to slink hesitantly closer, a low whine escaped it's parted jaws. I realized I was still screaming from the pain, and I hoped that the sound wouldn't put the monster off killing me. _Please kill me! _But the animal turned, its hackles raised and faced the rest the giant wolves. A stream of yowls and snarls issued from the beast, and it seemed to back closer to me, protecting me from the four other wolves I now properly saw for the first time through my pain. The wolf in front was probably the largest and jet black. The wolves on its flanks were an assortment of colours. The black beast held its ground against the reddish wolf's fearsome noise. The black wolf seemed to switch its sight between me and the red wolf a number of times before finally issuing a long, loud howl. It ran toward the forest and the remaining three wolves seemed almost torn on whether to stay or follow the black monster before they too plunged into the forest.

Finally, I was alone with the russet wolf, who now turned to properly examine me. All I could do was scream with pain and wish for death, but death didn't come. The wolf sat beside me, gazing at me with an expression that didn't belong on an animal. It's brows seemed mashed together over it's frightening black eyes, and when it finally opened it's jaws – _please bite me, please kill me! _–only a low whining seemed to come out. Why wouldn't it kill me? Here I was, an impossibly easy meal for such a monster. It seemed determined to sit and gaze while I screamed and thrashed on the ground. The fire continued to rip through me, charring my body from the inside out. I couldn't focus on the wolf for much longer before the pain once again shredded my thread of thought. I tossed on the ground, breaking my stare with the wolf, and continued down the eternal moment of pain.

As I continued to endure the fire, I slowly began to think around it, and I was vaguely able to mark a passing of time as the sky started to darken. Other than that, I was only aware of the monstrous wolf that continued to sit and watch me. Confused, but unable to attempt to understand through my pain, I finally decided that hoping for death from this beast was a lost cause.

The time came when the darkness of night shrouded the meadow and I was lost in the agonising pain of fire. If it weren't for the mysterious wolf beside me with its heavy breathing and occasional whine, I couldn't have been sure if time even existed anymore. What should have been a million burnt deaths later, the sky seemed to lighten, but there was no change in the blistering tongues of flame that ravaged my body.

I thrashed and shrieked while the flames continued to lick through my veins with searing agony. As the sky brightened further, I started feeling some slow change. Both my mind and senses were slowly shifting. I could now hear the wolf's low breathing with remarkable clarity and the hidden river near the meadow seemed louder than before. I could smell the upturned earth and grass from my thrashings with new appreciation, but was also mildly repulsed by the wet dog scent that rolled off of my watching companion. As well, my mind slowly revealed new space to me – more space to suffer in – but also to think.

The fire raged on inside my body, unrelenting, with no change. But now I took advantage of the mysterious beast beside me, using its low even breathing to mark the time. I concentrated on them, slowly attempting to grapple with my screams so that I might count them. It took every last drop of what little willpower I had to muffle my shrieks just enough so that I could listen. Nine thousand, seven hundred twenty two of these breaths later, I noticed that the sky once again darkened. And once again I was thrown into a blind hell, with only the racking fire and quiet wolf to keep me company.

Eleven thousand, four hundred five heavy breaths later, the sky slowly began to lighten again to mark the second day. There seemed to be so much more space in my head now, and I was able to wonder more about my bewildering companion. No answer came to me, how could it survive after chasing Laurent? No way could any animal, even one as massive as the one next to me, could kill a vampire. Beside this train of thought, I was also able to mourn this horrible turn of events, wonder about my endless future, able to think ahead to the seemingly impossible end of this blazing hell, the hell whose scalding flames continue to chew at my body.

When the sky started to prematurely darken as the clouds thickened over the clearing, the wolf seemed to finally break out of its mysterious role of sentinel. It bent low over me until I was able to meet its dark eyes, and gave a single low whine before turning and walking into the forest. I wondered why, and some strange part of me felt sad and confused to see it go. Despite its unknown motives, I felt grateful for it watching over me and I wanted it to come back to help me pull through this excruciating pain with its unwavering presence and slow breathing. The loss of this simple repetitive sound unnerved me, it was enough to will myself to slow my writhing and completely muffle my cries so that I might listen out for its return.

I was shocked by how much I heard. Now, that I was focused on my hearing, a barrage of new noises filled my head. Over my ragged breathing and rapid heartbeat, I heard as the wind picked up and whispered through the grass before tousling the leaves in the trees into an audible scraping. In the branches of the trees, I heard the ruffling of birds and below in the brush was the rummaging of small rodents. The hidden stream was practically deafening now that I listened to it. But I was unable to locate the monstrous wolf. I waited while listening to the forest around me, a strange hope filling me that my companion might return.

Some time passed before I picked up the light padding of paws through the forest undergrowth and I felt mysteriously elated that the wolf didn't decide to abandon me after all. Along with its entrance came a wave of its disgusting wet dog smell, but it also brought forth a new scent, one that was very sweet and warm smelling and I found that my mind snapped onto this scent with a single mindedness that would have had me pursuing its source if I hadn't been paralyzed in pain. The wolf gave me a long stare; I wondered if I resembled the charcoal briquette I felt like. It seemed as if I _must _be just a pile of charred bones by now. Every cell in my body had been razed to ash. The wolf seemed to give a heavy sigh and settled back down in its old position to continue to watch me.

The sky continued to darken further with grey clouds as I resumed listening to the wolf's calm breathing. I picked up an odd pittering noise, one that came from all around me and became louder as the minutes passed. It took me a slow few minutes to figure out it was the rain, after all I couldn't even feel the cool droplets against my searing skin. The rain increased and I was aware when my vision blurred as the water gathered on my face. I closed my eyes to keep the rain out of them, and decided it wouldn't be worth opening them for a while since the dark night was coming soon anyways. I continued burning through the long night, and finally morning came once again.

It was day three, the last day hopefully. What would this mean now, that I was about to become a vampire? What would I do? Where would I go? Charlie. What about him and Jake?

I wallowed in these thoughts for a while, letting them occupy the portion of my mind not filled with burning and agony. Outside my mind, I continued to keep my eyes shut, and I was able to gain control of my voice enough to stay quiet. I was somewhat glad that if this did have to happen, that it happened here out in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't fathom how someone could hide and stay quiet enough to avoid discovery in a city. I wondered how he'd done it?

I was about to change my train of thought, it was doing no good to think about them, when suddenly the pain changed. On the good-news side of things, it started to fade from my fingertips and toes. Fading _slowly, _but at least it was doing something new. This had to be it. The pain was on its way out...

And then the bad news. The fire in my throat wasn't the same as before. I wasn't only on fire, but I was now parched, too. Dry as bone. So thirsty. Burning fire, and burning thirst...

Also bad news: The fire inside my heart got hotter.

How was that _possible?_

My heartbeat, already too fast, picked up – the fire drove its rhythm to a new frantic pace. The fire retreated from my palms, leaving them blissfully pain-free and cool. But it retreated to my heart, which blazed hot as the sun and beat at a furious new speed. The loudest sound in the clearing was my frenzied heart, pounding to the rhythm of the fire.

I steadfastly kept my eyes locked shut when the increasing pain caused a scream to break through my silent façade. My new shockingly musical cry did little to distract me from the excruciating pain in my heart.

Quickly, my wrists became free, though, and my ankles. The fire was totally extinguished there. The fire ripped hotter still through my chest, draining in from my elbows and knees. And then – _oh!_

My heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the sound almost a single sustained note; it felt like it would grind through my ribs. The fire flared up in the center of my chest, sucking the last remnants of the flames from the rest of my body to fuel the most scorching blaze yet. The pain was enough to stun me, and I found I couldn't have screamed if I wanted to. My back arched, bowed as if the fire was dragging me upward by my heart. It became a battle inside me – my sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire. Both were losing. The fire was doomed, having consumed everything that was combustible; my heart galloped toward its last beat. The fire constricted, concentrating inside that one remaining human organ with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more.

There was no sound. No breathing. Not even mine.

For a moment, the absence of pain was all I could comprehend.

And then I opened my eyes and gazed above me in wonder.


	2. Exposition

Everything was so _clear._

Sharp. Defined.

The sky was the first thing I saw, the clouds forming a thick grey blanket over the horizon. Yet while it should have been a dull smooth expanse, I saw the play of subtle shadows and lighting on its surface with amazing clarity. I could tell where the sun was hidden behind their grey depths by a glowing change in their colour that I knew I never would have discerned before.

Framing the horizon was the circle of trees that formed the meadow, I could clearly see every single leaf on the trees as they shifted and fluttered in the air. A small bird darted out of one the trees, and I absorbed the tiny movements of its body, the way it frantically pumped its short wings, and I watched as it fled from the meadow.

I only had a second to take in all these new sights, before a sound made me aware of what I should be thinking about right now. The giant russet wolf beside me whined quietly, and I turned my gaze to look at it properly. It was standing now, a massive bundle of fur and muscle. It gazed at me with wary concern; it seemed unable to decide what to do. The scent of the wolf –a disgusting wet dog smell- assaulted my senses. I felt a strange tension lock over me, and my body responded to the wolf's presence in a way that shocked me.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the animal. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the clearing into an incomprehensible blur—but it did not. I saw every stalk of grass that swayed in the breeze, every leaf in microscopic detail, as my eyes whirled past them.

About a twentieth of a second later, I found myself pressed up against a tree, crouched low as my body prepared to defend itself. But the instinct confused me. If this beast wanted to kill me, wouldn't it have already done so? I still didn't understand the wolf's motivations though, and I remained crouched and watched with my new eyes as it took a hesitant step backwards.

It slowly started moving backwards, keeping its dark eyes locked onto my own, still wary as they seemed to measure what I might do. I wasn't sure what I was going to do though. The giant wolf continued to move steadily towards the meadows edge, and once it reached the shade of the trees, it paused for the briefest moment before it turned to face the forest and ran off.

In the half a second it took the wolf to turn, my eyes had noticed an dark square of fabric bound to the animal's back leg with a cord of leather. A strong wave of confusion and frustration washed through me, I felt compelled to follow the giant wolf and try to solve this unrelenting puzzle. But some instinct to defend had been triggered, and I remained backed against the tree, my body not having moved a single inch.

Suddenly I heard a voice calling from the trees.

"Bella?"

Shock, confusion and horror flooded through me. _Jacob! _What was Jacob doing here? He can't be here! How did he find me? That didn't really matter though, because now he's in horrible danger. Am I not a blood craving vampire? Would it be difficult to control my thirst? More horror swept through me. What if I hurt him? What if I killed him?

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I turned to face the point where the voice came from the woods but I could not see him. I needed to warn him, then get away from here immediately. I needed to run and go somewhere far away where I wouldn't be a risk to Jacob. To everyone. _I_ was certainly ok_; _it was Jacob who was not.

"Jacob –" I started, but was abruptly shocked by the tone of my voice. Even full of dread, it sounded like I was singing. My voice was as clear and musical as a bell. Before I could get a hold of my voice again, Jacob interrupted me.

"Geez, Bella. Even your voice is freaky. But seriously, are you ok? I mean, you won't attack me or anything will you?"

Shock stunned me into silence. What did he know? Was he not the one who had told me about vampires in the first place? Did he actually know what I now was? But he hasn't even seen me yet. I hadn't spotted even his face yet through the trees.

"Jacob, what is going on?" I demanded before I was reminded of the danger he was in. I quickly changed the topic, making Jacob safe was far more important than understanding how he knew.

"I really don't think you are safe Jacob! You need to get out of here!" I admitted, my new voice heavy with anxiety.

"Relax Bella, I'm perfectly safe. But I'd still like to know if you're going to attack me, just so I can be prepared." Jacob voice was nonchalant, and I could almost imagine him rolling his eyes as he said this.

"Jacob! I'm really dangerous, I could kill you!" Stress made my voice rise.

"Don't worry. I think I'll survive."

Suddenly, Jacob emerged from the trees, he was wearing nothing but a pair of dark cut off jeans. Jacob had changed radically in the last weeks since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair—his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened… aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow. Maybe it was my new eyes that made him seem so different, but I somehow couldn't believe it.

I could hear his heart thudding loudly; its wet appealing sound sending a dull wave of burning down my throat. I tried to ignore this and was about to run – warning Jacob didn't seem to do any good – when a sudden gust of wind picked up from his direction.

The smell wasn't what I was expecting. It was only mildly appealing. I could smell an odd edge to his blood that instantly repelled. My nose wrinkled slightly in disgust. How strange. Shouldn't I be drawn to human blood? Maybe avoiding humans wouldn't be as hard as I thought it would. The scorch in my throat was easy to ignore in the current situation.

"Actually, you seem to smell pretty bad Jacob. I'm really surprised." I admitted, extremely confused still.

"Are you kidding? You're the one who stinks!" Jacob laughed and theatrically plugged his nose. He chuckled as he slowly walked forward. He stopped several feet away, and I saw wariness cross his expression. His eyes slowly gazed over me, and then he spoke again.

"Huh, you should see yourself Bella. You look crazy, especially the eyes."

I realised with a start that my eyes must be red now. I wondered dully how long it would take for them to turn gold. Other than the eyes, how much more different did I really look? It seemed unlikely that such an excruciating transformation could have granted me the inhuman beauty of a vampire. I felt like I should appear ravaged and burnt by flames after those three days plunged in hell. I continued to look at Jacob. His face was so clear in my new vision, like I'd never seen it before. Everything was so clear, sights and sounds alike, and I stopped to once again marvel at my new senses.

"I _feel_ kinda crazy, this is so overwhelming. I'm having a sensory overload here." I laughed nervously. It sounded like the peal of bells.

Jacob laughed too. Now had a good feeling that I wouldn't try to kill my best friend, a new storm of questions flooded my mind. I was determined to find out what was going on.

"Jacob, seriously, what the heck is going on here?" I demanded.

The humour disappeared from Jacob's face, replaced by a thoughtful expression.

"Well, there is so much to catch you up on. I feel really bad that I couldn't tell you before. But trust me, I really _couldn't."_ He paused, and his face seemed to lighten "It feels so great now, now that I'm free from those limitations. Wow, where do I start?"

He took a deep breath, eyeing me warily again.

"Remember those stories I told you? The first time I met you on the beach? The legends I thought were so silly at the time... well, looks like quite a few of them are true now. I suppose you believed at least one of them before I did." He eyed me darkly, but continued.

What was he getting at?

"Remember what I told you about the wolf legends?"

Did Jacob know about that giant wolf? It seemed so odd that Jacob found me the minute the animal had left. It felt like I was missing something vitally important. I could vaguely recall what Jacob had once told me. It came slowly to me, I could barely recall my memory of the beach, but I heard the words like they were lifted from a book.

—_well, not the wolf, really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them– _

"Bella, I'm a werewolf."

Shock pinned me where I stood, yet my mind reeled wildly with the implications of this. As the mystery of the russet wolf unravelled, the whole world lurched, tilting the wrong way on its axis.

What kind of a place was this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories?

A small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. Hadn't I already accepted the existence of vampires long ago—and without all the hysterics that time?

Exactly, I wanted to scream back at the voice. Wasn't one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime, or –as I supposed now- an entire existence? Besides, there'd never been one moment that I wasn't completely aware that Edward Cullen was above and beyond the ordinary. It wasn't such a surprise to find out what he was—because he so obviously was something.

But Jacob?

Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that?

Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I'd ever been able to relate to…

And he wasn't even human. He was a werewolf, a very large rusty brown werewolf that had watched over me as I burned. A large wolf, so large that had once been confused for a massive bear. One of five massive wolves behind a number of cold blooded murders of innocent hikers. I gasped, as I realised this. Hardly two seconds had passed, as my new mind processed the onslaught caused by Jacob's information.

"Those attacks... those wolf attacks. Jacob! Don't tell me that werewolves are behind those!" Despite my horror, my voice still sounded like singing.

Jacob raised his hands slightly, palms forward, as he continued to speak.

"Hey now! Don't go thinking that we werewolves are bad! It's been me, Sam, and the rest of that gang I once told you about. We're trying to protect people. We haven't been killing anyone. You have _that _to blame on the stupid bloodsuckers we've been tracking!"

"Wait, what?"

Jacob looked exasperated.

"Seriously Bella, I just told you that I morph into a giant dog and the first thing you're worried about is that I attack people?" He sighed, and then smiled hopefully, reflecting a flash of light off of his white teeth. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for.

"I think I have to start at the beginning here, it's a little long, but I hope you can listen and not freak too bad." Jacob smirked and plunged into his story, the way he narrated it seemed as though he had been considering how to tell me during the past few fire-filled days.

"First off, the attacks have been caused by two filthy bloodsuckers we've been tracking. We were always just a little too late, missing the damn leeches by a couple minutes, by then it would be too late for the hikers..." Jacob shook his head "we finally managed to get a solid trail on the black haired bloodsucker, we were following him, and when we finally caught up to him... that's when we spotted you."

The pain that crossed Jacob's face looked agonising. He looked like he was going to be sick.

"I feel horrible, absolutely awful. I can't even cover how bad I feel for letting this happen to you." His voice was hardly a whisper now. "We saw him, standing there and talking to you, I wanted to rip his head off, but Sam wouldn't allow it. Not until we knew he was truly a danger. Right now we are technically on the Cullen's turf. If we attacked them on their land, it would have broken the treaty and started a war. We couldn't be sure if the black haired leech was one of them or not. I was arguing with Sam, it got so bad that we were distracted for a moment. And that's all it took. Next thing I knew, you we screaming." He blanched, and changed the subject, eager to shake the memories of my attack.

"Remember I told you that the _cold ones _had only one natural enemy? Well, that's us, the werewolves. I never knew, not until a couple weeks ago, just how true our old legends were. It happened right after that lame movie with that Mike kid, I felt great that evening. Really happy. After I drove home Billy was looking at me funny the way I told you about before, then he said I looked weird. That was it. Next thing I knew, I couldn't stop my self getting angry, I was shaking with rage. It was the strangest feeling. But then it became horrifying. I couldn't stop, I just kept shaking worse, then I felt my body explode. I thought I had died for a moment. But then I felt myself take on this new shape. I've never been so terrified in my life. Poor Billy looked like he was going to have a stroke. But then he started talking to me all calm like, and he quickly got on the phone with Sam. Seems that the so-called gang was actually a _pack_."

I could hardly think straight, but after Jacob mentioned Sam's name, I felt old rage fill me. Sam. Sam and his gang – more of a cult – forcing new members to join, making Jacob miserable after he recruited Jacob's friend Embry. The strength of the emotion startled me, and I struggled to calm myself somewhat.

"Did Sam do this to you somehow? Did he somehow make you a werewolf?" I asked, trying to keep my clear voice level. Jacob sighed slightly, and shook his head.

"Nope. Seems I was doomed the moment some stupid vampires moved into town." His expression filled with anger, "My great-grandfather was apparently a werewolf too, but my grandfather or Billy never did change. We think it's because there weren't any of our _natural enemies _around to kick start the change. But the werewolf potential was passed on, straight down to me. And with those damned leeches running around in the woods, it was only a matter of time."

He looked disgusted, and changed the subject.

"Also, Sam's actually a really good guy, Bella. He simply had a lot thrown on his shoulders when he was the first of us to phase into a wolf. There wasn't anyone there to help him, to tell him that he wasn't going crazy. I couldn't imagine trying to understand by myself. I had Sam and Embry telling me what exactly had happened, and what to do. Sam leads us because he's been a werewolf the longest. He helps keep us safe, which unfortunately meant that he wouldn't let me see you or even tell you what was going on."

"So you weren't really sick then?"

"Nope. I'm so sorry I avoided you, I wasn't actually sick... at least, not in that sense. It's just... it's so hard to control yourself sometimes. If you get too angry... bam!" he threw out his arms, imitating an explosion, "you phase into a wolf. He wouldn't let me see you. He feared that I could hurt you if I wasn't careful. _He_ was the one who wasn't being _careful_, if only he'd listened to me!"

Jacob suddenly looked infuriated, he started trembling hard, and he clenched his fists and shut his eyes as he visibly struggled to calm himself. The shaking slowed, and he finally opened his eyes again, looking at me slightly ashamed. But I hadn't moved an inch since he'd started talking.

"Sorry," he muttered, his voice low, "that's what I was talking about, that anger thing."

"Anyway," he continued, his voice regaining that edge of anger again, "as I told you, we caught up to that black-haired bloodsucker. And, we were too late. We realised what happened and immediately Sam ordered us to attack. I wanted to go over to you, to try and help you, but he wouldn't let me. The leech was priority one. So we ran after him, and we caught him easily, too easy actually. Five against one was hardly any fun. But, by the time we tore him a new one and got his disgusting body burned, we had come back to find you screaming."

For the first time in minutes, I moved. I shuddered as I remember the agony I'd endured in the past three days. But I didn't say anything, I was so absorbed in what Jacob was saying.

"Sam realised what was happening... he didn't want you to turn into one of them, he wanted to kill you, Bella. I absolutely refused. I wasn't about to let him lay a claw on you. I promised I would never hurt you, and I wasn't about to let Sam hurt you either. Plus, he had no right to kill you since you were completely innocent in all of this. I was horrified at the thought of what you were becoming, I've heard the legends. But I also knew the other legend, the bloodsuckers that don't kill people. That was my only hope. I no longer cared what form of alive you would be anymore. You would still be Bella, and I would continue to keep my promise. Sam and I... fought. He was doing what he thought was right, he didn't want to put any innocent humans at risk. I convinced him to stop fighting. I assured him that I wouldn't let you kill anyone. He assured me that he wouldn't stop the fight next time if you did. He left then, and the others decided to follow him. They weren't convinced you could be good. I admit, I wasn't sure either, but I had to try. So I waited, it was absolutely horrible watching you, but I knew I had to stay with you. I wasn't sure when it would end, plus I wasn't about to give Sam an opening if he decided he wasn't going to be patient with my idea. I got hungry though, starving really, and I was forced to leave you for a quick break while I snagged myself a meal. I practically choked down half a raw deer in ten minutes, I was so worried." He laughed slightly, but the pain on his face was plain, "After that and a little more waiting, we've basically caught up to the present."

He shrugged, trying to keep things light. But he eyed me seriously. The silence slowly extended between us. Jacob stayed quiet, waiting for my response.

My mind was submerged, drowning, in everything he'd just said. Even with all the extra space, my head struggled to absorb everything. As I managed to finally grasp the last few sentences, my mind cleared enough room to feel something that I should have been unable to ignore. Something that had been suppressed as I listened in awe and shock at Jacob's story, but suddenly, free from his words, and having just been reminded of the warm scent that lingered after the wolf's disappearance during my transformation, my throat abruptly ripped into flame.


	3. First Hunt

Suddenly, the dry scorch was all I could think about, and the more I focused on it, the more it hurt. I realised that I had to go hunting, and very soon. Although Jacob's scent wasn't overwhelming, it fuelled the fire in my throat, and I knew I had to quench it with something other than my best friend. The thought of having to go hunt and kill some wild animal frightened me. I had no idea what to do. But the thirst clouded my mind, confusing my thoughts.

Jacob must have seen the flash of alarm on my face, and decided to break the silence.

"Well, enough about me and my story. What about you, Bella? How are you? Do you think you're going to be alright?" He asked, unsure of how I felt to be a vampire.

"Jacob, I'm... really thirsty." I admitted, and my throat seemed to reaffirm my words with another wave of baking dryness.

Alarm crossed Jacob's face, but before he could say anything, I spoke again.

"I'm not going to attack you or anything, but I think I need to try and hunt, it really hurts, my throat."

Jacob nodded, but kept a wary expression.

"Well, I guess we better find you some of the local wildlife before you decide that a hiker smells good or something." He joked, "Um, I think I'll need to keep an eye on you. Sam's still prowling around somewhere, and I don't think I could stop him if you started going after a human."

I nodded, hoping that I could safely hunt with Jacob nearby. It was already starting to take some concentration to not let his scent overwhelm me.

"Keep your distance a little. You don't smell very good, but I'll admit, you're probably edible."

He laughed, and then spoke.

"Well then, let's find you something a bit more edible."

He walked off, directing himself into the trees. He then paused and watched me, waiting for me to follow.

For the first time since I opened my eyes, I consciously moved my body. I was momentarily preoccupied by the way my body moved. The instant I considered walking forward, my body was already moving. I moved slowly toward him. As I got closer, I could feel the heat roll off of him. His heart beat was practically deafening. I stopped a few feet away, struggling to contain the thirst that hazed my mind.

"You ok?" he asked, noting my sudden stop.

I shook my head, and I didn't blame him when he took a step back.

"Um, maybe I'll let you go on ahead. I'll follow just close enough so that I can stop you if something should go wrong."

I didn't stop to give him a response, I quickly ran into the forest, eager to get away from the temptation of Jacob's blood.

Flew would be a better word. I could finally understand why _he_ had never hit the trees when he ran—a question that had always been a mystery to me. It was a peculiar sensation, the balance between the speed and the clarity. For, while I rocketed over, under, and through the thick jade maze at a rate that should have reduced everything around me to a streaky green blur, I could plainly see each tiny leaf on all the small branches of every insignificant shrub that I passed.

The forest was much more alive than I'd ever known—small creatures whose existence I'd never guessed at teemed in the leaves around me. They all grew silent after I passed, their breath quickening in fear. The animals had a much wiser reaction to my scent than humans seemed to. Certainly, it'd had the opposite effect on me.

The wind of my speed blew my hair out behind me, and, though I knew it shouldn't, it felt warm against my skin. Just as the trees limbs that whipped against my skin shouldn't feel like caressing feathers. It was a physical relief to let the fresh air wash away the warm smell that just recently had filled my mind, and I now concentrated on finding a similar smell that I could actually safely pursue.

I slowed my run to a pace just faster than humanly possible, and let my senses range out from me. My hearing picked up _everything_, the whisper of birds preening their feathers in the treetops, their fluttering heartbeats, the maple leaves scraping together, the faint clicking of ants following each other in a long line up the bark of the nearest tree, and as well, the sound of massive wolf paws padding after me, and a large thudding heartbeat, following me about fourty yards back. I realised that Jacob must have phased into a wolf. I was really surprised he had been able to keep up with me, but the wolves must have been fast if they managed to catch Laurent.

I let my ears range outward, seeking something different than the small hum of life that surrounded me. There was an open space near me—the wind had a different sound across the exposed grass—and a small creek, with a rocky bed. And there, near the noise of the water, was the splash of lapping tongues, the loud thudding of heavy hearts, pumping thick streams of blood...

It felt like the sides of my throat had sucked closed.

I was suddenly fervently thankful that Jacob was downwind from me, so I couldn't focus on his scent. I could smell the rich, earthy smell of rot and moss, the resin in the evergreens, and the warm, almost nutty aroma of the small rodents cowering beneath the tree roots. And then, reaching out again, the clean smell of the water, which was surprisingly unappealing despite my thirst. I focused toward the water and found the scent that must have gone with the lapping noise and the pounding heart. Another warm smell, rich and tangy, stronger than the others. And yet nearly as unappealing as the brook.

As I listened and breathed in the scent, another bout of baking thirst intruded on my awareness, and suddenly the warm, tangy odour wasn't quite so objectionable. At least it would be something hot and wet in my desiccated mouth.  
I let myself drift with the scent, barely aware of my movement as I ghosted down the incline to the narrow meadow where the stream flowed. My body shifted forward automatically into a low crouch as I hesitated at the fern-fringed edge of the trees. I could see a big buck, two dozen antler points crowning his head, at the stream's edge, and the shadow-spotted shapes of the four other elk heading eastward into forest at a leisurely pace.

I centered myself around the scent of the male, the hot spot in his shaggy neck where the warmth pulsed strongest. Only thirty yards—two or three bounds—between us. I tensed myself for the first leap. Half-crazed with thirst, I launched myself at the large elk.

His hard, sharp hooves, kicking me with force that should have shattered human bones, could have been someone poking me for all I knew. His thrashing did nothing to break my iron hold. My teeth unerringly sought his throat, and his instinctive resistance was pitifully feeble against my strength. My jaws locked easily over the precise point where the heat flow concentrated. It was effortless as biting into butter. My teeth were steel razors; they cut through the fur and fat and sinews like they weren't there.

The flavour was wrong, but the blood was hot and wet and it soothed the ragged, itching thirst as I drank in an eager rush. The elk's struggles grew more and more feeble, and his grating cries choked off with a gurgle. The warmth of the blood radiated throughout my whole body, heating even my fingertips and toes. The elk was finished before I was. The thirst flared again when he ran dry, and I shoved his carcass off my body in disgust. How could I still be thirsty after all that?

I wrenched myself erect in one quick move. Standing, I realised I was a bit of a mess. I wiped my face off on the back of my arm and tried to fix my clothes which were now blood and dirt stained. My hair was also tangled and covered in dirt. The hooves that had been so ineffectual against my skin had had more success with my shirt and pants, large tears covering their surfaces.

I was aware that the rest of the small herd of elk had fled far into the forest. I was determined to try and slake my burning thirst as much as I could before returning to Jacob. It took me a quick minute to catch back up to the herd and launch myself again at the next elk. And like the last time, I made a huge mess. I tried to be a little more careful, but its sharp hooves still slashed at my already ruined clothing. I was glad when I slowly felt my thirst become muted as I drained the second elk. I had a feeling that the dull burning would never quite be erased; thirst would be an inescapable part of this life.

My new life as a vampire.

My head swam with dread that filled every portion of my body as I now, after committing my first act as a vampire, registered this fact as unquestionably true. This should have come much, much sooner to me, but before my mind had been filled with pain, and Jacob's confession had distracted me very well after that. As the implications of this knowledge crashed down on me, I felt my knees go weak, and I sat on the forest floor and let my head fall into my marble hands. Depression settled deep into me as I wondered what I would do now. I would conceivably never see Charlie again. For the rest of my life, no, my _existence._ Maybe I could write a runaway letter, the idea that I could be dead would destroy my father. I heard Jacob make his way through the trees, this time as a human, his steps were no longer padding paws. He reached the place where I sat, and although my smell must be as bad to him as his was to me, he surprised me by sitting down next to me. He didn't attempt to touch me, he obviously wasn't that comfortable yet. But he spoke.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I guess this has finally sunken in for you, huh?"

I merely nodded my head in my hands.

"I thought about this a bit. We're going to have to stay out here in the forest. Can't risk letting you get close to Forks or La Push. Especially not La Push. I just spoke to Sam, and he's not going to tolerate you going anywhere near there."

"What do you mean, how did you just speak to Sam? Weren't you following me?" I asked, still depressed, but slightly distracted.

"It's a weird werewolf thing. When you phase into a wolf, you can hear the thoughts of all the other wolves around you no matter how far away they are. It's really annoying and embarrassing, but when we need to get serious, it helps to coordinate us in an attack."

"Weird." I agreed dully, keeping my head in my hands and trying hard not to think about someone else who could hear thoughts.

Jacob paused for a moment, then continued.

"I used to be able to hear all of their thoughts, but I guess that doesn't work anymore now that I've chosen to part ways with them. Now I just hear Sam's."

I looked up then, taking my head out of my hands. Jacob saw my questioning stare and he suddenly looked uncomfortable, and I guessed that this time it wasn't because of me.

"It's another weird wolf thing I suppose. Sam is the leader of the pack over in La Push. You could call him the Alpha wolf. It's a pretty absolute thing. If he were to command one of the other wolves to do something – if he really meant it – they'd pretty much _have to _obey. You simply can't go around an Alpha command. But he was only the Alpha because he's been a werewolf the longest. He's the most knowledgeable, so we let him lead us. But truly, the Alpha should have been me."

"Why is that?" I asked, curiosity flaring in me. It helped to distract me from more depressing thoughts. Jacob continued to look uncomfortable, but he continued. He must have also wanted me distracted.

"Because Ephraim Black, my great-grandfather and our last tribe chief, was the Alpha in the last pack of werewolves, and I suppose that blood right went straight down to me. I didn't want to be the Alpha though, I didn't want to lead them. Did you know that Sam's technically our tribe's chief since he's the acting Alpha?" Jacob snorted and shook his head. "But, what's worse is the fact that _I _should be technically chief. Sam even offered to let me be the Alpha after I became a werewolf! But I didn't want any of it, Bella. It was bad enough that I had become a werewolf, I didn't also want to be a leader."

I was slightly comforted. I wasn't the only one overwhelmed by a sudden change into a mythical creature. I continued to listen, absorbed in what he was saying.

"Well, there he was. Sam, the high and mighty Alpha, Sam who ordered us not to attack the damned black-haired leech, then ordered me to stand aside while he killed you."

I felt the sharp intake of my breath, shocked at this revelation. It sounded like a low hiss. Jacob looked furious again, his hands trembling. But he didn't stop with his story.

"He would have done it, Bella. I can't believe how close it was. If I hadn't had my _magical bloodline_, he wouldn't have had any opposition. But I drew on that, I drew on the fact that I should be Alpha, and it quickly became absolute as I embraced it. Now, Sam couldn't control me, the rightful Alpha, I challenged him. We fought, and he stopped, he didn't want this to end in death. I managed to convince him that I would keep you safe from yourself."

"Thank you. Thank you Jacob for saving me." I could hardly express my gratitude as I was now realising how much he'd done for me.

"Hardly, I had a promise to keep." But he smiled warmly, eyes softening.

"I didn't get to explain though, seems like while in wolf-form, I can now only communicate with the other Alpha. Before, I could hear all the thoughts of the whole pack, even all of the stupid and annoying things. But now, I can only hear the thoughts that Sam wants me to know, and he only hears from me what I want him to know. It's a lot nicer, knowing your head is private. While I was following you as a wolf, Sam was out patrolling as well. We agreed to meet back in that meadow to talk. There are a lot of things that need to be settled. I don't think he'll attack you, he promised to meet in human form. He needs to talk to you as well, Bella."

I felt trepidation as I was about to go speak with the man who at one point, and probably still now, wanted to kill me. But Jacob seemed somewhat confident, so I looked at him and nodded.

"We'll have to run to meet him. He's probably already waiting there. Give me a second so I can phase, and we can get going."

Jacob stood up, and darted off into the bushes. I was surprised at how graceful Jacob seemed to move. The last time I'd seen him, as a human I realised, he was much more awkward on two legs. Being a werewolf must have changed that.

A monstrous rusty brown wolf loped back to the place where I was now standing. He motioned with a quick flick of his giant head toward the direction of the meadow, and we started running. Jacob led, his massive body surprisingly nimble as it twisted its way through the thick forest. I found that it was easier to follow his trail of his scent and the sound of his claws clipping the forest floor than keeping a visual tab on him. I once again noticed the square of dark fabric tied to the wolf's back leg, and I recognised it as the pair of dark cut off jeans he had just been wearing. I realised, embarrassed, why he must have gone into the woods to phase. The giant body of the wolf seemed ill suited for pants.

We ran for a couple minutes, and quickly returned to the beautiful meadow. A crash of emotions ran through me as I took in the perfect clearing, but the greater portion of my attention was held by a new detail. Sam stood, arms crossed, with a hard expression on his face. At his flanks sat two wolves. The moment I came into view, one of the wolves, a large dark silver one, raised its hackles and issued a low growl. Sam turned his head to look at the wolf, who met his piercing gaze and fell silent.

Jacob quickly came to a stop. He nodded once at Sam before he turned and swiftly trotted back into the forest. I supposed he left to phase. As I was turning my head to gaze back at the waiting party, a low voice sounded clearly in my head.

"Stay still and be quiet" the perfect honey-and-velvet voice commanded.

I stifled a gasp, and my head swam as I heard the perfect voice. I was irrationally happy that my transformation had not shaken my hallucinatory voices. But then I registered the message behind the words, and I stiffened as I realised that despite Sam standing calmly before me, the same could not be said for the two wolves. Maybe my scent had just blown toward them, because they were now on incredible edge. They stood, growling with lips raised over dagger-like incisors. Their ears were pressed flat against their skulls and their hackles were high. They trembled as they seem to struggle to keep themselves from giving in to their instincts and lunging as me.


	4. Arrangements

My new vampire instincts kicked in once again. I braced myself slightly, feeling my muscles bunch as I prepared to defend myself. A low warning hiss escaped my throat, but it only seemed to antagonise the wolves further. The dark silver wolf's growl turned into a heavy snarl. The perfect voice in my head sounded again.

"Don't let this turn into a fight." He warned.

I was lucky. At that moment, Jacob jogged back into the meadow in human form. He glanced at the tense wolves, his eyes hardening. He ignored them and addressed Sam.

"I believe we just plan on talking." His low voice was hard.

"Paul, calm down." Sam commanded, turning to face the grey wolf again. Again the massive wolf settled back down, but kept his murderous gaze fixed on me. Sam flashed a glance at the second wolf but it had already followed the grey wolf's lead and was now sitting quietly. Sam turned back to Jacob and spoke directly to him now.

"Of course, but I still don't trust _her._" Sam nodded fiercely in my direction, "I won't be caught off guard if this half-thought plan of yours turns bad. I still don't like that you've chosen to desert _us_ for _her_... we want you back. I'm willing to negotiate this fairly. You are right, she doesn't have to die."

"Sorry Sam, this choice feels kinda permanent. I can't just turn this Alpha thing on and off like that. It wouldn't be smart to go back now, you felt that instinct, the competitive side of being too close. Not to mention that I have a promise to keep to Bella. I think it would be best if I stuck with her for now."

Sam glared at Jacob for a moment. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. Several emotions were present on his face. But then he turned his eyes in my direction, and spoke directly to me.

"Bella, I admit that at this point, you are still innocent. But that does not mean that I will trust you going anywhere unsupervised. Until we can be certain that you are controlled, and are not a threat to any humans, Jacob must remain with you at all times." Sam said, glancing a look in Jacob's direction. "I've seen the eyes of your kind, and I've heard of the eyes that are possible when you control yourself. I won't be satisfied in Jacob's plan until you bear yellow eyes. I'm unsure how long it will take for the colour to change, but only when they have, will we consider adding you to our treaty. If we hear that you have killed any human at any time, we will have to kill you. I will not allow any innocent people to live in unnecessary risk. As well, if the time comes that we do add you to the treaty, we ask that you please be prepared to leave Forks for good. It severely limits our ability to protect the town and La Push when we are forced to remain inside our treaty land if you choose to occupy your given land."

Despite the fact that Jacob said we'd come here to talk, it seemed Sam was the only one speaking, handing me ultimatums. But I knew he was justified in not trusting me yet, and I was surprised when he spoke of adding me to the treaty. I supposed that this would be the best deal I'd get. I nodded and spoke.

"Sure, I'll agree to your terms." I declared flatly.

Sam nodded, slightly pleased, and spoke again.

"We have another problem, this one more immediately pressing. Unfortunately, your father has reported you missing, and has located your truck abandoned at the trailhead."

I felt the deep stab of depression as I realised how worried and afraid my father would be for me. I felt pricks at the corners of my eyes, and I realised I could no longer cry. Sam saw my agonised expression, but continued.

"You must realise that we can not allow Charlie to continue his search in the woods. You are still not to be trusted around humans, plus we have yet to catch the second vampire who has remained in dangerous proximity to Forks."

The second vampire? My memory quickly recalled what Jacob had said.

"_First off, the attacks have been caused by two filthy bloodsuckers we've been tracking. We were always just a little too late, missing the damn leeches by a couple minutes, by then it would be too late for the hikers..." _Jacob had said, shaking his head.

My mind more slowly recalled one of my last human memories. Already, the memory seemed dim, like I was watching through a thick, dark veil—because my human eyes had been half blind. Everything had been so blurred.

_"Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."_

_"Am I?" _I had faltered a step back, but Laurent had followed, lithe and graceful.

_"Yes," _he had assured me. _"I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…"_

Victoria was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods.

I felt my insides go icy with horror. I gasped and struggled to remain upright on my hollow-feeling legs. My head spun sickeningly.

"Bella?" Sam asked alarmed, seeing my twisted expression.

"Bella! What's wrong?" Jacob demanded.

"Victoria," I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath through the sickening horror. In my head, Edward snarled in fury at the name.

I felt overwhelmed, yet overwhelmed seemed an understatement. Everything was being thrown on me one after another. I had been attacked, endured a searing transformation, listened as my best friend admitted he was a werewolf, and then struggled to keep myself from attacking him. I had to go hunt for the first time, broke down when my new life sunk in, agreed to ultimatums from a pack of mythical protectors, and heard how my father must be wrought with worry, and now my problems were just getting worse.

"Who?" Jacob demanded, "The red-headed female bloodsucker?"

No, no, no. No! How could all of this be happening? How could this day get any worse? With a jolt, I grimly realised this day would never come to an end for me. It was too much. My stony legs failed me, and I sank to the meadow floor, my new marble arms wrapping into an all-too-familiar pose around my torso. My head fell to touch my knees, and I felt a dry sob escape my chest.

"Bella!" Jacob cried, his voice sounded strangled as he watched my overwhelming breakdown. "Bella! Talk to me!"

With a shock, I felt a fiery hand press down on my back, rubbing circles as he frantically tried to calm me. Jacob's skin felt like an open flame compared to my own. It took a slow minute, but he let me calm down, and I looked up. His nose was wrinkled, but he was apparently determined to overcome his discomfort to the proximity to help me. I could feel the waves of heat rolling off of him, and felt my throat ache slightly in response. I took a deep breath to settle myself, but immediately regretted it with Jacob so close. At least the smell helped to control my thirst. I realised that the edge to his blood was animal-like. I gathered my thoughts, and then spoke.

"Victoria is after me." I stated dully, my voice betraying my own inner turmoil.

"What do you know about her? It's really important we know. Why is she after you?" He asked intently.

"Because her mate was killed, she wants revenge." I whispered.

"That black-haired leech? But if she's after revenge for him, shouldn't she be after us?"

"That can't be right Jacob," Sam interrupted, "We thought his mate would want to fight us—in the stories, they usually get revenge bent if you kill their mate—but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. She makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she's trying to look for a way past us. If she wanted to, she'd have found more than plenty of opportunities to fight us by now."

I nodded my head slightly, my theory was confirmed. Not that it needed confirming, I knew the truth.

"Laurent wasn't her mate, they were just old friends." I muttered, "He told me James was her mate."

"Laurent is the black-haired leech? But then who's James? Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Why does she want you?"

"Edward killed James," I whispered. Jacob's overheated hand froze on my back. "She did get… revenge bent. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know—still doesn't know, I guess—that… that…" I swallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."

Jacob was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. He looked like he was about to say something when Sam cut him off.

"I'm very sorry for you Bella. But we must continue discussing the issue at hand. Victoria is still out there, and while it is unfortunate, it is also lucky that we now know her target. We'll change our pattern. We'll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after you, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."

Something like a growl—not a real growl, just a human approximation—rumbled in Jacob's chest.

"Bella is _not _bait."

"We will try not to put her in harm's way, but this is an opportunity not to be ignored. We will certainly try to take out Victoria on our own. She probably will have no idea that Bella will be staying out here in the woods, so her target will most likely be Bella's house."

I felt the horror as I realised the risk my father was in.

"You can't let her go to my house! Charlie would be in danger!" Despite my anxiety, my voice still sounded like I was singing.

"We won't let her get anywhere near your house, and definitely not near Charlie." Sam reassured me, "We will just take advantage of the fact that we know her intended destination and try to cut her off and trap her before she reaches it. If she still proves too evasive for us to capture her, we may ask for your help, Bella."

"My help?" I asked, I wondered what I could do, what a large pack of werewolves couldn't.

"Yes. I would never ask this of you if you were still... human. But now that you have the speed and strength to properly defend yourself, you are no longer as helpless. Realise that I will only ask you for help as a last measure. I would prefer that we would be able to take out Victoria without you. What I am asking is, would you be willing to confront Victoria if she continues to elude us?"

"Absolutely _not_." Jacob growled.

"I would rather not either Jacob, but this would only be in the circumstance that we can't catch her ourselves, or would you rather she continued killing more hikers?" Sam's accusation was hard, and Jacob flinched at his words. "Bella would be in no real danger. We would be right behind her the entire time. We just need Victoria to stop for a second, so we could catch her. The sight of Bella may be enough to provoke her to stay and fight."

The thought of me confronting Victoria was frightening enough, but I couldn't bear to think of Jacob and the others getting injured or killed. Not so much Sam, I admitted to myself. But even as oversized wolves, I found the image of them fighting Victoria frightening. I didn't want any of them getting hurt from fighting off the vampire who was after me.

"Sure," I stuttered quietly, "I'll try to help however I can."

"Thank you Bella. Hopefully, we won't need it." Sam turned to Jacob now, "We will patrol as usual, Paul and I will take the out perimeter, and Embry and Jared will take the inner. We are expecting her to reappear in the next few days, as is her pattern when we chase her off. We will howl if we get a solid fresh trail. Jacob, if you could then phase so I can call on you and Bella for help in case we need it."

"Sure." Jacob agreed.

Sam looked at me again, he looked satisfied that their plan was hammered out.

"We also are facing the problem I mentioned earlier. Charlie and his search party are currently scouring the forest, looking for you."

I clutched my chest tighter, I felt horrible for how I was making Charlie feel.

"We need to get them to stop searching. Victoria has yet to be caught, and you are yet to be trusted. We have considered faking your death, making it look like you've been attacked by a bear..." he trailed off.

For the first time, I felt real hate toward Sam. How could he consider that? Wouldn't he know how much that would destroy Charlie?

"No way! I'm not letting Charlie think I'm dead." The anger in my ringing voice was apparent.

"But we need to get them to stop –"

"Then I'll write a runaway letter! I'm not going to let my father think I've died!" I shouted at Sam, interrupting him. Sam's eyes narrowed at my tone, but he nodded slightly.

"Very reasonable, you should write it as soon as possible. We'll come back later with a pen and paper."

I nodded and felt myself calm down slightly. Jacob patted my back with his large, hot hand.

"You should probably include me in the letter somewhere. Charlie will get suspicious if I've also gone missing." Jacob added, his voice full of sympathy.

I nodded, and rested my head against my knees again, feeling once again like I would have started crying if I could. I heard Jacob address Sam again.

"Bring a couple pairs of clothes, would you? We'll probably need replacements sometime down the road. Bella's are practically already ruined."

"Practically?" I snorted, "They are already messed up beyond repair."

Jacob chuckled, eyeing my torn up, blood and dirt stained clothes.

"Yup, I suppose so." Then he laughed. "Grab a mirror as well, Bella should get a good look at herself."

I eyed him suspiciously, wondering what I looked like. I looked back to Sam, his face mirrored some of the humour that Jacob had. He chuckled once.

"Sure, sure. We'll get going then, we'll be back soon enough."

"Oh, Sam, can I ask you something else?" Jacob said, voice slightly strained.

"Hm?"

"Why didn't Embry come too?"

That question seemed to catch Sam off guard, surprise crossed his face. Jacob seemed to scrutinize Sam's response carefully.

"We needed someone to watch La Push, we weren't leaving it unguarded."

"Sure, ok then." Jacob said lightly, but his eyes were hard, and it looked like he didn't fully trust Sam's answer.

Sam _did _look uncomfortable, and I wondered why.

"We'll be going now." He said stiffly.

With that, Sam turned around and walked into the forest with the two wolves on his heels. When my senses could no longer pick him up, I turned my head to look at Jacob.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"Embry?"

I nodded. Jacob paused for a moment, making sure the wolves were definitely out of hearing range, and then spoke.

"I can't help but wonder if the reason Sam chose Embry to stay behind was because he feared Embry might _jump ship._"

Jacob saw my questioning gaze and continued.

"All of the other doubted that you could be a... y'know, a good bloodsucker, Embry was the same. But Embry was, and still is, one of my best friends. That never changed after both of us became werewolves. He doubted for good reason, but he backed me up for a while before Sam had the idiotic nerve to try to order me down. Embry was really sympathetic, and I know that we are still good friends even after all this. I wonder if Sam was afraid that Embry would ditch his pack and join me if he gave Embry a chance."

"Huh. I bet Sam wouldn't have liked that."

"Nope."

The silence grew for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and allowed my forehead to touch my knees again, and Jacob sidled over a few feet, obviously no longer comfortable where he had been. Thoughts swirled dizzily through my mind, taking advantage of one of the first few moments I'd actually had to sit and think. I felt exhausted by everything that had happened to me in the past three days. Not tired, with a jolt I realised I'd never sleep, but I yearned to have a quiet moment to gather myself. It was hard, my expansive mind was brimming with dozens of thoughts and all the emotions accompanying them. I felt like I was equally drowning in horror, anguish, fear, worry and a multitude of other uncomfortable emotions.

This was going to be hard, trying to survive. Not surviving the uneasy truce between myself and a pack of werewolves, or even Victoria. Those would be only somewhat challenging compared to what I had in mind.

I doubted I could survive the overwhelming emotional pain. I doubted that my new mind would easily slip into the thick willing haze it often used too when I didn't want to think. I was going to have to endure this overwhelming mental anguish as my constant companion. _This_ companion would be more fearsome and merciless than any vengeful vampire or monstrous pack of wolves. I no longer even had the escape of sleep, no merciful few hours of unconsciousness. Even a nightmare would be a welcome reprieve...

"Are you going to be ok?" Jacob said, dragging my mind back to my surroundings. I was suddenly aware of an odd, choking sound. Jacob stretched his arm across the gap between us, placing his hot hand against my cool shoulder. I felt his hand shift and tremble on my skin, as though he was shaking. Was he angry?

"Bella?" his voice carried no rage, only a soft tone of concern.

Then I realise _I _was the one shaking. I was trembling hard without even realising it. Oh. Now that noise made sense. The sobs were muffled by my position, but they still escaped my chest and shook my body on the way out.

No, I was not going to be ok.


	5. Survival

I tried to settle myself, but whenever I grappled to clear my mind, another horrible thought would flood my head, and I would have to start all over again. I was a vampire. My father thought I was missing or dead. I'd never be able to see him again. Victoria was after me, killing people around Forks. I'd almost been murdered by both a vampire and werewolf three days ago. I'd have to live in the wilderness so I wouldn't kill anyone. And...

Edward.

The pain ripped though my chest, leaving me breathless. The hole gaped wider then before, it felt like it would consume me. I supposed that just like everything else, just like my speed and senses, so too was my ability to suffer magnified. My old mind couldn't have carried so many ill thoughts. My beating heart hadn't been capable of aching like this before. I had no idea what too do. Some tiny part of me wondered if he would like me better now. Now that I wasn't so plain, so human... I struggled to veer my train of thought as the jagged edges of the gaping hole flash-burned.

But just maybe...

No. I couldn't afford to think about him now. I had all eternity for that. I had to stay in the present, where I'd have to focus on stopping Victoria. Not too mention I'd have to learn to control myself if I ever wanted to stray anywhere further than Fork's local woods.

Maybe I could find them; they could help me through this. I realised I didn't even know where they'd truly gone to. Being honest with myself, I also realised that I'd probably have a better chance of survival under the wary eye of a pack of werewolves, then confronting him again. Another powerful sob wracked my body, and I didn't fight as my mind slipped into the flood of anguish.

_***_

_Charlie,_

_I've left. I can no longer endure Forks. I know this was sudden, and I can't tell you how sorry I am. I need to break away, start a new life. I need time to start fresh, I can't let myself be reminded. It's for the best. Jacob had agreed to accompany me for a while, please don't look for us. I love you so much, both you and Renee. I've always have and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. _

_Bella_

The words burned like fire in my mind. Every sentence I wrote was like another piece of my ragged chest being ripped out. As I signed my name it felt like I was signing my own death certificate.

Sam had returned to the meadow shortly after they had left. He had handed Jacob a large pack of clothes and supplies, and I felt like I would rather endure another hellish transformation as Jacob solemnly handed me a folded piece of paper and a battered ballpoint pen. By the end of it, I felt numb. I didn't even care to inspect my reflection in the tiny mirror that Sam had brought. I knew what I would see if I looked. I would see a monster. There's was no other way I could appear after refolding the ominous scrap of paper and handing it back to Jacob. Sam had left then, with hardly a spoken word, to deliver the letter to Billy, who would tell Charlie he had found it in Jacob's room...

I had a sense that a good couple hours had passed. Jacob had returned to my side, sitting several feet away. He did not attempt to talk to me. He knew there was nothing he could say in this situation. So he sat and stayed quiet. I no longer felt the will to even cry. My whole body could have frozen on the floor of the meadow and no one would have noticed. I yearned for my mind to follow suite, to freeze and never have to think again. The odd part was that I never felt physically uncomfortable. Even though I had sat on the cold, hard floor of the clearing for a length of time without even shifting my weight, I felt as comfortable as if I had been sprawled on a feather bed.

It was still light out, maybe late afternoon. I spotted the telltale glow of the sun behind the cloud cover. The sun was well past its pinnacle, but it was still a couple hours away from the horizon. After a while, Jacob became fidgety, and scrounged through the supplies again. He dug through the large backpack, and surfaced with a package of hotdogs. He went about clearing a small circle for a fire, ringing the patch of dirt with stones. He hardly passed the first few trees of the forest to collect wood, unwilling to go too far. Positioning the wood in a rough tepee, and lighting the end of a twig with a small black lighter, Jacob quickly sustained a small fire. The heat poured off on me, but I felt no comfort from it. I watched as the flames licked up the side of the wood, which emitted a dark smoke from being damp.

After enough of the wood had sufficiently caught fire, Jacob speared four of the hotdogs on sharpened sticks, and buried the blunt ends in the dirt, letting the wieners roast. As the aroma of cooked meat joined the smell of the burning wood, Jacob plucked two of the sticks out of the ground, and after waving them a bit, devoured the hotdogs. Despite the smell filling the clearing, the food held no appeal for me. Jacob finished off the other two hotdogs, and went back to sitting quietly. A few minutes had passed before I knew I should say something. I took a deep breath then spoke.

"I'm sorry, Jake." I hardly whispered, but my clear voice seemed loud in the silence. I slowly unwound my rigid pose, sitting in a more neutral position. I looked over at Jacob, he was scrutinizing my expression, probably wondering what had motivated me to break the silence now.

"For what? Unless you purposely planned to get yourself almost killed." He laughed. I ignored that and continued.

"Because of me, you've had to leave behind everything. Because I have no idea how long it will take for me to learn control, you have to stay with me in the woods."

"I choose this, Bella. I choose to make sure you were safe. I could have just told you to book it, and run where the pack couldn't find you, but I wanted to help. Although I bet Billy is having a stroke right now because of what I'm doing, I hope he'll understand."

"But this can't go on forever, what will happen when I eventually have my named tacked onto the treaty? Will you go back to La Push? You said it wasn't comfortable with two Alphas so close."

"I dunno, I guess you'll go wherever you want. And I'll go where I want. I suppose I might follow if you want…" Jacob trailed off. His expression looked hard and bitter, it was an expression I've never quite seen before, and it reminded me of Sam.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I… I don't want you trying to find them, Bella. You know who I'm talking about."

"Oh." I said, feeling the raw ache as I recalled what I had thought earlier. Jacob was still searching my expression, watching my reaction.

"I wasn't… planning to. I don't think I would." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the warm, smoky air fill my lungs. I opened my eyes then, remembering something. Instead of looking back at Jacob, I gazed into the fire again, watching the mesmerizing play of flame on wood.

"Jake, how would you feel if I went to _another_ group of vampires? I just remembered that there is a group of… good vampires that live in Alaska. They could help me out, I'm sure. I don't want to live by my own, and I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Sure, I suppose that would be best." There was a hard edge to his voice, and his expression was still the unfamiliar mask that I knew I already hated.

"It's just an option at this point. I have no idea what I'm going to do. My life is such a mess, I'm building on nothing here."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I remember what how I felt, how I still feel, when I changed into a monster."

"At least you don't have to fight a nature that has you craving human blood!" I snorted angrily. "Compared to that, changing into a giant wolf seems tame."

Jacob laughed bitterly. "Maybe, but just because we aren't drawn to killing people doesn't mean people don't get hurt. That's why Sam didn't want me to see you, in case I got angry or something… I almost hurt Billy once. The first time I phased, I was so terrified that I wanted to shake Billy and make him tell me what was going on. I almost accidentally ripped his face off before I realised that I had huge claws. Then, when he was talking to Sam on the phone and I realised that Sam was in on this, I got so angry that I felt some horrible instinct to bite him. I couldn't believe it, and I snapped myself out of it."

"That's horrible. I'm really glad Billy didn't get hurt." I then fell silent, remember what Jacob had said and feeling like I wasn't sure if I wanted to know _who_ had gotten injured by a werewolf. As though he knew what I was thinking, he continued.

"But it was Sam's girlfriend Emily. Sam was still the only wolf at that time. He and Emily got into an argument, Sam was very close to her, had his hand near her face. He got too angry and phased. His claws tore her face, and she fell unconscious. Sam was so horrified, he couldn't even calm down enough to phase back. He thought she was going to die." Jacob shuddered. "What's worse is, because the wolves all share thoughts, I felt the horrible panic and terror he had through his memories. I know you probably still have a bad image of Sam, but he's been through a lot. He thought he had gone crazy when he first phased. Took him a few weeks to calm down enough before he could even phase back! Then he had almost killed the woman he loved and now he has to face her scars everyday. Then once all the other guys started phasing, he took it upon himself to help them all, to lead us and keep us safe."

Jacob fell silent, and I struggled to see a new side of Sam. It would probably take a while; I remembered how much he had frightened Jacob before all of this. I wasn't entirely sure I would ever see him as a good guy.

"I was curious, is this that meadow you were raving about before? The one we had been trying to track down?"

I was reminded of my stupidity in trying to locate this place, how it held nothing for me, and how it only brought up forbidden memories and fresh pain when I took in the beautiful meadow. I knew I could never tell Jacob just what it meant to me, and somehow I should work on convincing him to move our tiny camp elsewhere.

"Yes, I can't believe I managed to track it down again, by myself if I may add. I used to love this place. Then my stupid luck had me running into a thirsty vampire, and now it has entirely ruined this place for me."

"That sucks, this place is really cool. You were right about that. But, if only you'd waited for me to have gone hiking with you! I could have ripped that leech's head off before he could have considered attacking."

I was disappointed that he had changed the subject, I would have to work on changing camp later. Soon, hopefully, it really was difficult to remain here and not think about it.

"Well, if I had waiting, then none of this would have happened anyways. Also, do you have to go calling vampires leeches? You're sitting right next to one you know."

I had meant to be slightly teasing, but the silence suddenly felt strained, and I knew Jacob was about to change the subject even before the words came.

"So I suppose you knew all along then. What _they_ really were."

"Yes."

"And yet…"

"Please… please Jacob. Don't." I murmured, interrupting him. "I'm trying hard not to think about them. It's already almost impossible. It's… weird. I guess vampires have really fast minds. It's would be sorta neat in any other circumstance, but it's horrible that I can now think about a dozen bad things all at once."

"Weird." He echoed, "Sorry though. I didn't really mean to make you upset. I was just curious. I'd always hoped that maybe you had been fooled or something. But then you seemed to know what you had become, and you seem to know all about the other bloodsuckers in the woods…"

I stayed silent, I didn't feel the need to say anything in response.

"I'm making things worse, aren't I? Uh… I know. What else have you found _sorta neat_, once you changed? Don't tell me you didn't find the speed you ran pretty awesome."

I tore my gaze from the fire to glance at Jacob. He was smirking slightly. I couldn't help smiling a tiny bit back. I sighed. Jacob had a point, in better circumstances, I probably would find being a vampire really amazing.

"Ok, the speed was pretty awesome, probably better than the motorcycles."

"I agree." Jacob laughed.

"The senses are really crazy. I can pick up _everything._ Sight, smell, hearing. You smell like a wet dog, Jacob."

He laughed, wrinkling his nose. "Don't even get me started on _you._ It's like having to sit next to an open bucket of bleach. _Blech!_"

If I was in a better mood, I probably would have rolled my eyes. Jacob continued.

"I have better senses too, even better when I'm a wolf. We could easily follow a scent trail for miles, well, as long as it hasn't rained recently or anything. It's why it sucks when you have to track anyone around rainy Forks."

I frowned, remembering how the wolves were still after Victoria.

"Are you sure you guys took out Laurent that easily? I've seen enough vampires, so I know how strong they are, how hard their skin is. I really don't want you guys going after Victoria, it has me worried. I don't want you to get killed!"

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Bella, it's what we're made for. Our teeth cut through vampire skin just fine. If we had been weaker than the bloodsuckers, how would all of our ancestor's packs manage to survive? Not too mention that there are five of us, and one of her."

I bit my lip, my sharp teeth felt funny against my new skin. I supposed he must be right, but it still felt horribly wrong, having him or any other person – werewolf or not – face a vampire. I didn't want Jacob anywhere near Victoria.

"Bella, I'm a lot stronger than I was a couple weeks ago. Hell, you should see how fast a werewolf heals! It's really cool. I'd show you except, y'know, the blood. But I could cut my arm right now and it would stop bleeding after half a minute, and there would be no mark left after an hour!"

I raised an eyebrow at him, he looked a little smug. Seeing my incredulous gaze, he sighed.

"Don't believe me? Well, I probably shouldn't prove the healing thing… but look."

Jacob leaned over to the pile of wood he had collected for the fire and selected the thickest piece of wood. It was a short log, about two feet long and very thick. He grabbed each end with his large hands, and with a low grunt, snapped it clean in two. With a smug look on his face, he tossed the two ends into the fire.

"So? How's that? I doubt any _human _could do that. Not too mention that was only the largest one in this pile, I could have broken much thicker just as easy. Here, check it out yourself!"

He grabbed the next largest piece of wood, a long, thick branch, and with a flick, threw it toward me. If I were still human, it probably would have smacked me in the face, but it was easy to track its progress through the air and quickly move my hand to intercede its path. Jacob raised his eyebrows the tiniest bit as I perfectly caught the branch.

"Wow, well, go ahead. Try to snap it. You could probably break it as a human as well, but see how easy it is now."

I spaced my hands apart on the wood, and I bent the wood back expecting to feel the strain of resistance. There was none. The wood snapped effortlessly. Surprise filled me, and I snapped one of the halves into quarters. Just as effortless. I clenched my fist around the branch, and watched with fascination as my marble fingers dug cleanly into the wood. I opened my hand to find a fist full of splintered pulp. I tossed the wood grit into the fire and watched as the flame quickly incinerated the pile, sending out a multitude of sparks.

"See?" Jacob laughed.

Still fascinated at my new strength, I swept my eyes around me, looking for something more durable to test. My gaze focused on a stone lodged in the ground near my side. I unearthed it - it fit comfortably in my hand – and slowly closed my fingers over it. There was a grinding noise, and the rock deteriorated in my hand, dust and flakes raining from my fist. The consistency of the rock reminded me of hard cheese, crumbling as my fingers dug deeper into it.

"Holy crow." I muttered under my breath. I continued crushing the gravel until it was no more then sand. I let it flow out of my hand and shook my head. It was an odd feeling. I could feel a raw, massive strength thrilling in my limbs. I suddenly sure that I could have effortlessly dug my way through a whole layer of bedrock, the way I did with the palm-sized stone.

I laughed, the sound broke through the clearing like a procession of bells. Even though it sounded pleasant, I felt the underlying hysteria. I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. I was a vampire pulverising rocks beside my best friend – yet apparently my mortal enemy – a werewolf. But the closeness, despite the smell, was still surprisingly natural. That feeling of kindred spirits had survived after both of us had changed. My friendship with Jacob was surviving the insurmountable odds. Perhaps everything else would work out in the end as well.

Maybe.


	6. Campfire Legends

"I wasn't sure if it would feel like you were still here. I'm glad that you still feel like Bella to me, but it's going to take me a long time before I ever get use to the changes." Jacob chuckled. "The voice and appearance are especially crazy… are you sure you don't want to check it out? Your eyes are super-freaky."

"Red, right?"

"Neon red, the other bloodsuckers I've seen have only ever had dark red."

Neon red? I compared my few memories of when I'd seen non-vegetarian vampires. A few of those times had had their eyes glinting black with thirst, but I recalled the shade of dark burgundy that must be the normal colour. I had honestly wanted to put off looking in the mirror. But my curiosity got the better of me. I got up – the motion a little too fast to be normal – and circled the small fire to the bag. I dug through the meagre supplies, some food, some clothes, and some odds and ends. While I was searching for the mirror, I spoke to Jacob.

"Uh, which clothes should I use?" I asked, noting that all the garments looked far too big to fit me. My own were still embarrassingly torn in many places, exposing patches of my marble skin.

"Pass me the bag?"

I handed the pack to Jacob, who inspected the clothing closely, unfurling some of them to eye the sizes. He quickly sorted the clothes into two piles, and passed the smaller one to me.

"Here, I hope you don't mind hand-me-downs. Looks like Sam pilfered my closet. At least I hadn't gotten around to throwing out some of the old clothes that I outgrew. Would you believe that that massive growth spurt I went through was mostly fuelled by the wolf genes?"

"Seriously?" I asked, remembering how I could practically track his growth from day to day. It had seemed like he would never stop growing.

"Yep. Do I look like an average sixteen year old to you?"

Surprised, I took a second look at him, gauging his massive physique. He was right; he looked way to old for a teenager.

"I think I'm physically twenty five or something. All of us started shooting up around the same time, it was one of the ways that we knew someone else might become a wolf soon."

"Physically twenty five" I echoed, shocked.

"Yeah. There aren't many other six foot seven sixteen year olds on the reservation. That and a high temperature are signs that you'll change soon."

"That fever you had after the movie?" I wondered out loud.

"Still have. I run a constant one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine these days. Just something that comes with being a wolf." Jacob said, and to prove his point, he hovered his hand close to my skin and I could feel the heat rolling off of it, it felt like a miniature copy of the campfire a few feet in front of me. "You didn't think that I felt so hot because you were that cold did you?" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes and looked closer at my new clothes. I stood up and dangled one of the shirts in front of me. It was a plain grey t-shirt, but even though this would have been something Jacob would have worn before his growth spurt, it would still be too large for me. I examined a pair of well-worn jeans as well, and I was glad it was well used since I would probably have to tear off several inches from the bottom of the legs. I darted quickly into the forest, the incredible speed came with ease, and quickly changed clothes behind a large spruce. I was glad that my underwear had remained almost unscathed. It would be pretty awkward when that happened.

I eyed the bunched up denim at my feet from the too-long jeans, and pinching the fabric between my fingers, tore a strip several inches thick from each leg. Satisfied with the new length, but not quite with the smell that clung to the fabric, I returned to the campfire.

I sat down across from Jacob, he had repacked the rest of his and my clothes into the bag. I crumpled my old clothes into a loose ball and pushed the bundle into the fire. The clothes were ruined, so there was no use keeping them. I watched as the fabric was quickly consumed by the flames.

"Nice" Jacob commented, eyeing my baggy shirt and rough pant edges.

Before I could respond, Jacob distracted me by tossing a little mirror towards me. It flashed bright eight-coloured rainbows as it spun, reflecting the dull sunlight that filtered through the clouds. I caught it easily, and after a moment's hesitation, I held it at arms length and looked at my reflection.

My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as other female vampires I'd seen. Her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her skin was smooth and strong, glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl.

My second reaction was horror.

Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features.

And her eyes! I had been expecting to see the dark red I've known, yet even after hearing Jacob's description, they shocked me more than anything else. The irises were a vivid crimson, so bright they almost seemed to glow like vicious red flames. I had never seen anything like it. My body froze up with stress, and a low hiss escaped my lips.

A sharp lash of agony ripped through my chest as I took in the perfect features. The woman in the mirror hardly resembled me, and it instead brought to mind forbidden memories of others. Despite my horror, I could see my reflection was frozen perfectly, betraying my inner turmoil. I wanted to study the face, to see if I could find any lingering features of myself, but I couldn't. I watched as the woman in the mirror creased her brows, and slowly shut her eyes as I did. With the image of her face burned behind my eyelids, I lowered the arm holding the mirror. I attempted to stay calm, but a burning wash of emotions still flooded through me. The force of my emotions disturbed me, and I took a deep breath to calm myself.

I couldn't get the image of my new appearance out of my mind. The flawless creature in my mind seemed to mock me – destroying what tiny hope I had of ever regaining a semblance of my old life. Charlie would never be able to accept the astounding change. What did it matter anyways? Even if I looked normal, even if I could live in close proximity to Charlie right away, wouldn't he notice how I had stopped aging? How I would never eat, and how my brown eyes had turned golden and would shift black?

I heavily exhaled a broken sob.

With dull surprise, I realised I had just been holding my breath without any discomfort. I considered why and realised the problem was that there was no relief tied to the action. I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.

_That's right, vampires don't need to breathe. _

I took another unnecessary breath, revelling in the rush of smells, and slowly opened my eyes.

Jacob looked apprehensive, as if he regretted goading me into checking my reflection. I leaned over and passed him back the mirror, which he took, but didn't immediately put away. He slowly rotated the mirror in his hands, looking at it, but seemingly lost in his thoughts. He paused, and a small smirk crept into his features. Looking at me now, I saw an amused gleam in his eyes.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Are you just upset about your eyes, or did you not show up in the reflection?" He asked, and his smirk widened.

I froze for a moment as I registered his question. Then I laughed. The sound was more natural than before, and it echoed throughout the meadow. Secretly, my radically changed appearance bothered me more than my shocking crimson eyes but I didn't feel like divulging this.

"I don't think Hollywood got that one right." I mocked, "What about you? No full moon? What kind of werewolf are _you_?"

"The best kind." Jacob teased. "And I suppose since you haven't burst into flames, that you can come out during the day too. Hollywood really needs to get their stories straight."

I had been about to joke about what really happens to vampires in the sun, but then I found that my throat choked up. Once again I was reminded of the painful memories. I wondered when I could find a good moment to press Jacob to leave this place. For now, I would just have to continue the normal conversation.

"Well, the day isn't the big deal, just sunlight."

"Crap, are we going to have to get you a coffin to sleep in?" Jacob joked.

I laughed again, I was already starting to slowly get use to the ringing peal of it.

"Nope, I didn't say sunlight was bad for my health, it's just… _really _weird."

"Oh?"

I shook my head, amused. I wondered how he would react. I then wondered how _I _would react. To see my own skin sparkling like diamonds, just like his. I could already notice a faint reddish shine caused by the campfire in front of me. I paused for a moment, feeling the raw ache in my chest, and then decided to cover the other thing he brought up. "Also, vampires can't sleep."

One of Jacob's eyebrows shot up. "You won't be able to sleep at all?"

"I don't think so."

"And sunlight…?"

"I suppose you will see soon enough, well, depending on when the next sunny day will actually show up in Forks."

He looked thoughtful for a moment and exhaled deeply. He met my eyes and gazed at me with an inscrutable expression. Just as I was starting to feel uncomfortable with the silence, he broke his stare and moved his focus to the fire.

"Jake?' I asked nervously. He glanced at me briefly, before returning to studying the flames.

"It's… nothing. It's just surprising, how much you seem to know. I mean, you knew so much about them, and yet it never freaked you out to be around them?"

"No." I answered curtly.

"It must have sucked, not being able to tell anyone. I felt horrible when I wasn't allowed to tell you what had happened to me, and that only happened a couple weeks ago. I couldn't imagine keeping such a secret for such a long time."

"It never was my secret to tell, plus, don't you think I'd get chucked into a loony bin if I did?"

Jacob laughed loudly. "I was convinced you'd think I was going crazy if I tried to tell you the truth. Well, for a while. Until the rest of the pack told me you weren't so… oblivious about this kinda stuff."

At that moment, Jacob's stomach growled loudly. Even if I was still a human, I doubt I would have missed it. Jacob grinned sheepishly and placed a wide hand over his gut.

"You're hungry?" I asked astonished. Hadn't he just eaten four hotdogs earlier?

"Nah, I just ate." Jacob brushed it off, but his stomach loudly protested otherwise again.

"You sure? I know you just ate, but other than that, you've only eaten one other time since I was attacked. You should eat something if you're still hungry."

"Well, if I really ate until I was full, I'd quickly burn through the food that Sam was nice enough to pack. I'm hoping to save some so I don't have to switch to raw right away."

"Raw meat? Does that even taste good?"

"It's not too bad, but it's kinda gross if you think about it too much when you're stripping down a dead deer."

"You still have enough food though for a good couple days in the pack." I noted, remembering the supplies I saw in the bag. "It's not like I'll be eating any of it."

"More like a couple good meals worth. Becoming a wolf gives you a crazy appetite. Billy had already become annoyed how fast I was draining the fridge at home."

"Well, you should get something to eat then. I can wait here if you want to go eat."

Jacob grimaced and his eyebrows pushed together over his dark eyes. He looked torn, and I quickly realised why. He must not trust me to leave me alone. With a sting of annoyance, but understanding, I quickly corrected myself.

"Or, I can go with you. It wouldn't hurt for me to grab another meal too."

"Thanks. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but we have no idea how hard it would be for you if you caught a human scent. It's what bugs me as well, because we'd have to eventually test that. I mean, it's not enough that you can avoid humans out here. Sam will want to be sure that you could control yourself in case you did get close to humans. But I doubt anyone would want you near a human enough for them to be a test subject."

"It can't be too hard. At least we know it's not impossible." I said objectively, trying to keep my thoughts on the discussion. I didn't want to think about, or tell Jacob, how they had admitted to slipping occasionally since committing themselves to not killing. I was going to have to be extremely careful with my thirst; one mistake on my part would mean a dead human and a pack of murderously angry werewolves after me.

Jacob's stomach rumbled loudly.

"C'mon," I said, "let's get you some lunch."

Jacob left to phase, and this time, he led the way in the hunt. I followed the giant wolf closely as he caught onto the scent of a two white tailed deer. Jacob ran swiftly, and at one point seamlessly turned his run into a lunge as he took down the largest, a well fed female. With a sharp thrash of his massive head, he snapped the doe's neck and quickly proceeded to tear the hide and flesh off of the animal.

My thirst wasn't particularly overwhelming, but after smelling the blood pouring out of the dead animal, I decided to strike at the other deer, a scrawny male with a short pair of horns. With my thoughts more coherent during this hunt, I was able to better gauge my angle as I felt my muscles bunch as I sprung at my target. Staying sharp, I grabbed the small buck by its horns and twisted its head around, offering me a proper angle at which to fed, and also avoiding ruining another shirt to the deer's kicking protest.

I did better this time, I avoided tearing my clothes, although I did get them a bit blood stained. The deer's blood flowed through my dried out veins, warming my system and slating my thirst further. I didn't really need it, I felt very full, sort of sloshy, even. But I could still feel the dull smouldering of the burning thirst in the back of my throat. I finished quickly, and I watched as Jacob continued to devour down the deer carcass. He greedily tore thick strips of muscle off of the deer's mutilated frame, staining his own muzzle a dark red. After he must have had enough, Jacob bent to clean his blood stained paws.

After licking his claws a few times, he paused and his great tongue curled over his bloody muzzle to wash it. He looked up at me, and I saw him sniff the air. His wolf nose crinkled against my scent, but he continued to smell the air. He slowly pointed his head higher and turned his face as he tried to pick up some scent. I wondered what he was trying to smell. I sniffed the air myself, it was mostly filled with the smell of blood and wet dog, but I could also pick up all the smells of the forest, the animals, and if I drew in enough, the distant smell of a great body of water.

I watched as Jacob slowly rose, and turned his body in the direction of his nose. He flicked his head in my direction, and I took it as an instruction to follow. He loped quickly through the underbrush in the opposite direction of the meadow. Curious, I followed as Jacob quickly wove through the forest. I picked up the sounds of rushing water, and we quickly came across a vast river cutting through the forest. Jacob's claws clacked loudly over the large river stones on its shore. Jacob glanced at me, his lips were pulled up in an animal equivalent of what I thought must be a grin. He splashed into the water, letting the swift current swirl around his paws, and I watched as the blood leeched out of his fur into the river.

I washed my own dirtied hands in the river as I heard Jacob splash deeper into the river. The water felt incredibly warm against my pale skin. I quickly rubbed off most of the blood and dirt from my forearms. Glancing up, I noticed Jacob had disappeared. My brows creased as I scanned the rippled surface of the wide river, but I couldn't discern were the wolf had gone. Listening carefully, I could just make out the muffled thudding of the wolf's large heart under the loud chorus of the rushing water. Just as I established where he was, he surfaced, snorting a spray from his nose, and shaking the water out of his large ears. His muzzle was now clean of blood, and he doggy paddled lazily in the current.

Smiling slightly, I waded into the water, marvelling at the comfortable temperature. It was like a warm bath. The river floor suddenly dropped off, and I quickly found myself shoulder deep in the pleasant current. I lightly scrubbed away most of the dirt off my body, and thankfully the blood hadn't had enough time to dry completely into my new clothes.

After most of the grime had drifted away down river, I submerged to rinse out my hair. The sounds around me became oddly muted under the deluge of water, I could still hear everything, but the noises sounded as though they came from twice the distance. I curiously opened my eyes under the water. With my vision, I could see every inch of the river floor through the cloudy water. I found it hard to focus my vision on one spot. My eyes would suddenly pull focus closer as a swirling speck of river debris would spin maddeningly in front of my face. Tiny minnows darted away from my presence, fleeing downstream.

Lost as I was in the otherworldly landscape of the river, I almost missed the muted howl that pierced the air above me.


	7. Clash

I found myself out of the river and on the shore before the last note of the Sam's howl vanished from the air. After an infinitesimal delay, the water blasted outwards from my lightning movement through it. A second later, the water started falling back to earth, twisting and glistening through the air, and Jacob was already at my side. By the time I heard the airborne water splash back into the river, both me and Jacob were already running through the forest.

I felt my insides go cold as I quickly processed the situation. Victoria was close, her target was me, and now other people were risking their lives to stop her. I wanted to stop the werewolves; they were going to get killed because of me! I couldn't live with myself if that ever happened.

If only I hadn't agreed to Sam's plan, to wait until, or even _if_, they called me to help. I could see Victoria's face, her lips pulled back over her teeth, her crimson eyes glowing with the obsession of her vendetta, I didn't want to have to hang around while other confronted Victoria–

_I _wanted to confront her.

Abruptly, I was furious. Beyond furious, I was murderously enraged. My frustrated despair vanished entirely. A faint reddish glow highlighted the forest in front of me, and all I wanted in that moment was the chance to sink my teeth into Victoria, to rip her limbs from her body and pile them for burning. My lips curved back automatically, and a low, fierce snarl tore up my throat from the pit of my stomach.

I saw Jacob take a moment to glance at me, his large wolf eyes widening as he took in my expression, and then quickly setting into the same blazing resolve.

"Bella, don't!" The beautiful voice sounded in my head, making my stride falter for the briefest moment.

I ran faster.

I kept waiting to feel winded, but my breath came effortlessly. I waited for the burn to begin in my muscles, but my strength only seemed to increase as I grew accustomed to my stride. My leaping bounds stretched longer, and soon Jacob started to fall behind. My feet touched the ground so infrequently now it felt more like flying than running.

Behind me, Jacob let out a loud huff, and slightly chagrined, I realised that I had no idea where we should be going. I fell back, letting Jacob lead. I saw the corners of his jaws lifted as he passed me, probably amused by my determination. We continued running, and I smelt the occasional path of a wolf which became more frequent and stronger as we pushed west. Jacob started to inexplicably slow and come to a halt. I realised that Sam must not have called on us yet. Deeply annoyed, my unexpected bloodlust making me feel frustrated as seconds ticked by without action, I spoke to Jacob.

"Doesn't he need us yet?" I spat between clenched teeth.

Jacob shrugged his large shoulders, and I saw his own face mirror my irritation despite being an animal. He looked down and I watched as he scratched a rough line into the forest floor with the tip of his paw. Using his head, he gestured toward the line, and then flicked it up to motion toward the forest in front of us. Understanding came to me.

"Oh." So it didn't matter if Sam needed me or not, it was about keeping me away from La Push. I assumed the line Jacob had scratched represented some sort of boundary for the no-go zone for vampires.

I closed my eyes and let my senses reach outward, picking up the faint scent trails of patrolling wolves, and I noticed a fresh one that must have passed nearby a few minutes ago. It headed north, but it still wasn't much help. I turned my head slightly in that direction and stilled my breathing while I listened. Jacob's heavy breathing and thudding heart was the dominant noise I picked up, followed by the sounds of cowering forest life.

Straining to hear over the rustling of leaves and branches in the low wind, I finally picked up what I was trying to trace. I heard the sounds of four sets of paws padding quickly over the forest floor. The wolves weren't sprinting hot in pursuit yet. They must still be tracking her trail.

I listened intently as the wolves moved further east, until they surely were about to leave La Push any minute. Jacob obviously knew the same thing, because I heard a low snort come from his direction, and opening my eyes, we ran north to meet up with the pack about to exit their treaty land.

The wolves were less than a mile ahead now, and we slowed our run. A strong wind picked up from the south, and despite my soaked hair and clothing, it felt warm as it gusted from behind us.

I noticed a couple of the sets of paws break stride momentarily. I heard a pair of low snarls that came through the trees, and then Jacob's loud answering growl. Jacob slowed his run to a jog, and I listened as the wolves came closer. They were still farther north, and while my eyes couldn't see them yet, I listened to the heavy panting and low heartbeats of four wolves continuing to cross east, coming closer and closer, then at one point I managed to make out the flash of fur and paws that darted quickly through the trees.

Jacob was still only jogging, and I listened as the wolves put more distance between us and them. As we came up to their trail, we turned ourselves to follow. Once directly on the wolves' trail, my nose wrinkled as I took in the fresh scent of the four.

I considered holding my breath, since the smell of wet dog overpowered almost everything else, when I detected a different scent.

It was sweet and pleasant, and it piqued my curiosity immediately. I went to inhale the air again, but it was quickly lost under the fresh layer of wolf.

Was that Victoria's scent?

I caught it again, this time slightly stronger. It didn't smell like the intoxicating perfume that I was used to smelling as a human. It reminded me of peppermint… and roses?

While I worked to keep the scent clear in my mind, I noticed that the wolves had begun to run faster. They pulled further ahead of us, and we picked up our own pace so that we followed a hundred yards back. Suddenly I could hear it, the sound of a pair of feet, ghosting over the ground with an unimaginable speed.

The red haze in my vision drained away with the wild rage that had been flowing through me as I registered the sound of her flight. Some instinct screamed in me to stop pursuing, to let her escape and not endanger myself.

"Please Bella, turn back!" his voice pleaded, working on my already shaky resolve.

_Turn back? What was there to turn back for?_ I thought with equal portions of anger and anguish. I took a deep breath – smelling that odd peppermint-rose scent again – to settle my emotions. I needed to do this, to destroy Victoria and make sure no one else got hurt because of me.

A deep feral snarl echoed distantly through the woods, and the wolves responded with their own chorus of vicious growls.

Hearing her voice left me floundering in a wake of warring instincts. Run away, save yourself – fight her, protect others.

I knew what I needed to do, even if my instinct to flee screamed at me in protest.

The voice in the back of my head growled at me.

As if my self preservation finally realised that flight was no longer an option, it switched to the next basic instinct. Fight. I felt it again, that overwhelming fury, and with it the instinct to rip and tear and wipe my adversary off the face of the earth. My tongue tasted of burning metal.

The crimson mist once again highlighted the forest quickly speeding past me, and it was this time, when I wasn't caught so off guard by the rage, that I first felt it.

I felt a strange, nebulous layer covering me flawlessly from head to toe. It was like a thin elastic film wrapped perfectly around me. It didn't suddenly appear – I could see that somehow my anger brought my focus to this pre-existing sensation.

No explanation came to mind for the invisible layer, so I decided to push the subject to the back of my mind. But I was still aware of it as we continued to run down Victoria. I turned my thoughts back to the pursuit.

Had the wolves already reached their own full speed? They no longer accelerated their chase after Victoria, and Victoria herself didn't speed up her own pace despite her life being in danger. Although her feet moved at a speed that astounded me, my own strides seemed to make up for it in strength. Inexplicably, I knew I could press on faster, pull ahead of the wolves and catch her myself.

I stayed back with Jacob, but I heard as very slowly, Victoria gained more distance between herself and the pursuing pack. Frustration roiled inside of me – a low hiss escaped my throat.

"She's getting away, let me catch up and stop her!"

Jacob was panting heavily, and he briefed a glance at me with surprise in his eyes. I was surprised myself, why did I seem to be the fastest person – or creature – present?

Jacob was quiet for a moment, maybe asking Sam, and then responded – a quick huff and a nod of his head. I took it as an ok.

That was all I needed.

I let the restrained strength flow through my muscles, it felt wonderfully freeing. I pushed harder off the ground with each step, and I quickly left Jacob behind. I quickly spotted Sam's pack darting through the trees ahead of me, the wolves growled with discontent as I worked closer.

I darted quickly through the red-tinted forest, hardly touching the ground as my strength propelled me past the wolves. I gave them a wide berth, but I still heard one of the wolves snap their teeth angrily as I took the lead.

Nothing but forest separated me from Victoria.

I heard Victoria falter momentarily as she heard me gaining on her. A fearsome snarl tore through the forest ahead of me.

His severe growl sounded at me the same moment I felt my own feral snarl rip up and out of my chest.

To hear her footsteps take on a new desperate speed gave me a strange pleasure. She came back to Forks to kill me, and now that I wasn't so breakable, she must be torn between revenge and self preservation.

As though to confirm that thought, I heard her hiss angrily ahead of me. I still couldn't see her through the thick green forest, but I knew it would be a very short matter of time before my speed would make me inevitably catch her.

As I bound effortlessly over a fallen tree, I noticed how the forest thinned around me. Her trail led me up a sudden slope, the ground turning sharply upwards as I closed the gap between us. The vegetation disappearing entirely in places as the slope turned closer into a rugged cliff.

I heard Victoria take to the trees to better cover ground. I leapt effortlessly onto a still-shuddering branch as I mirrored her actions. I followed her near-vertical path as the she led me upwards through the branches. I heard the change in sound that her feet made as she abandoned the tree tops for an adjacent cliff edge. I heard her stop, hesitating maybe as she planned her next path. I wasn't about to give her time to do that. I threw myself from the top most branches of a towering spruce to light down on the hard even surface of the cliff top.

I froze as I scanned the plateau.

Because, standing not twenty yards ahead, Victoria was staring at me.

At first I was struck by her inhuman beauty, so much more apparent with my new clarity. Her orange hair was brighter than I'd remembered, more like a flame. A slight breeze meandered around us, stirring her shimmering hair until the movement only added to the illusion. Her scent swirled heavily in the air.

There was a striking feline quality to the way she held her coiled body, a lioness waiting for an opening to spring. Her wild gaze held mine with a murderous intensity, her deep red eyes locking onto my own glowing crimson. Tension rolled off of her, nearly visible in the air. I could feel the desire, the all-consuming passion that held her in its grip. Almost as if I could hear her thoughts, too, I knew what she was thinking.

She was so close to what she wanted — the focus of her whole existence for many long months now was just so close.

Her lips curled over her teeth in a triumphant smile.

I just realised how easy I'd made it for her. Her plan was as obvious as it was practical.

Of course she could hardly fight me with a pack of wolves on her tail – she needed to get me alone since I was no longer so easily disposed of. Where else but on the top of a near vertical cliff, practically inaccessible except via the soaring tree tops?

The red haze over my vision flamed brighter as I realised how I'd been led.

I was now in a dangerous position.

I doubted I could take her myself. Even though my raw strength had _somehow_ overcome hers and had let me catch up to her, with my non-existent fighting skill, I surely was at a disadvantage.

"Don't even think of fighting her yourself." The beautiful voice threatened.

He was right, of course. The wolves were a necessity if I wanted to destroy her. I needed to get us back down to the forest floor. I knew what I needed to do.

Some small part of my brain wondered if it would hurt very much.

Our brief standoff only lasted two full seconds.

With incredible speed that would have rendered her invisible to human eyes, she sunk into a hunting crouch and lunged. I braced myself, ready for her upfront approach. I watched as she flew toward me, my own mind quickly flying through a dozen different basic strategies.

At the last fraction of a second, she touched down on the cliff top again, and this time she pushed herself sideways to dart around me.

My mind was left reeling to quickly come up with my move. This is where my inexperience would hurt me. I had instinctively – stupidly – anticipated a straightforward attack.

I spun, preparing to reorient myself.

Too slow.

Her speed was blinding. I had only managed to turn partway to face her when she tackled me from behind, hard. Her body collided with my own with the sound of two crashing boulders – throwing us both away from the edge of the cliff. I bet she'd already guessed my plan.

I could tell she threw her entire weight into the blow, yet oddly enough I couldn't say that it overly hurt. It certainly was an unpleasant sensation to be knocked through the air, but there was no unendurable amount of pain from the impact.

A tenth of a second later, and still while flying low over the cliff surface, I managed to finish turning my body just in time. Her face was twisted with fury as she exposed her teeth, flashing little eight-colour rainbows as her head lunged forward to tear me with her fangs.

I poured all of my raw strength into the punch.

My steel-hard fist met her face with a supremely satisfying crunch that echoed over the forest. Victoria screeched in pain as my powerful blow threw her head – and razor sharp teeth – away from my body.

I used the opportunity to grab her head and force it down onto the hard, flat surface of the cliff. Our inertia continued to propel us over the cliff surface, away from the edge. Victoria's face ground into the stone with a high-pitched grating, it left a trailing indent as we slowed.

Infuriated, Victoria let out a deadly snarl, which I returned it with my own.

We both pushed up off the ground, eager to try to get the upper hand over the other.

Righted, I lunged at Victoria, my finger outstretched like talons. My instincts targeted me at her neck. She swiftly skipped to the side and I overshot past her.

Planting my feet, I used my strength to push my body in a tight spin, seizing her hands just in time as they aimed to pin me. She tried to pull out of my iron grasp, but my strength was inexplicably able to hold her.

Victoria's eyes blazed with fury. Her face was less than a foot away from mine, and I watched as her bared teeth parted and her head curved forward.

A furious snarl erupted from my chest.

Using my raw strength, I used my hold on her to throw her sideways, towards the edge of the cliff. She flew several yards through the air before she smashed loudly into the ground. As she struggled to right herself, I charged quickly after her – only a short distance of cliff existed behind her.

She leapt quickly to the side, but I still managed to grab at her shoulder. I managed to wrap my powerful hands around the top of her arm. I instinctively exposed my teeth and twisted my head to rip out her throat. Her hands caught my head mere inches from her marble skin. My strength could had easily pushed forward, but I watched as she bent forward with her own fangs out once again.

I released her shoulder as my kick smashed hard into her gut.

The sound of the blow echoed like thunder. Victoria was pushed backwards another two yards from the force, but she managed to stay upright. Her face was twisted in rage and pain, her red eyes burned with the intensity of her wrath.

Far below on the forest floor, I heard wolves howl with frustration.

Victoria's snarling quickly drowned out all other noises. I had managed to push her closer towards the edge, only a few more yards separated her from the sudden drop.

She darted around to circle my side again, but this time I expected it.

I braced myself and instead of trying to turn my body, I listened carefully as she circled further around my side. I gauged her position by the feather-light sounds of her feet on the cliff top, by the sound of her enraged snarl.

The noises stopped circling, and became louder as Victoria rushed forward.

I let all my strength flow into my legs as I pushed hard off the ground, leaping backwards with lightning speed. I dodged her tackle that would've pushed our fight once again away from the cliff edge.

I heard Victoria's surprised hiss as her speed carried her past where I stood a fraction of a second ago.

I didn't hesitate.

Before Victoria could reorient herself, I used all of my speed and strength to charge at her. I only had enough time to register her dark red eyes, wide with surprise. The sound of my impact was deafening. The force sent us both soaring over the cliff surface.

The next thing I knew, the ground was replaced by open air and tree tops.

Some tiny portion of my brain reminded me that I once wanted to go cliff-diving.


	8. Evasion

My brain conjured up the cloudy human memory. I did not expect that it would be so uncomfortable to remember. Like trying to squint through muddy water.

I remembered how I felt, the awe, the fascination, as I watched the four figures – one by one – fling themselves off the cliff towards the ocean. So free, so unthinking. Spinning and twisting gracefully through the empty air for what seemed like an eternity.

My own experience seemed a lot less blissful.

I dropped through the open air like a meteor, Victoria still pinned under me. Her shocked hiss sounded loud in my ears. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth. The wind tore Victoria out from under me, and we separated as the trees sped closer.

I felt the branches whip against my marble skin with a force of a soft caress. I heard as both of us crashed through the first thin layers of canopy. The wind whistled deafeningly over me, the sound only punctuated by the snaps and shattering of tree limbs. Leaves and pine needles exploded into the air, raining down after us.

I felt the soft lashes gain strength as my body dropped onto the thicker branches further down the trees. The crack of wood on stone echoed loudly.

I suddenly realised I no longer heard Victoria's descent. Wheeling my eyes around, I zeroed in on the flash of red hair and white skin. Victoria had managed to stop her fall, purposefully grabbing on to the thick trunk of a spruce, fingers gouging marks in the hard bark.

Her red eyes flashed with anger, teeth bared and face twisted in frustration, as I imagined once again her warring instincts. Fight or flight?

She knew what waited for her on the forest floor. Her eyes locked onto mine for the briefest moment before she fled nimbly from the tree, racing off into the forest.

A strong oath came to mind as my plan fell apart.

I continued my spiralling freefall as the ground quickly hurtled up to meet me.

"You are utterly reckless." His beautiful voice disapproved. I closed my eyes and sighed.

The powerful collision resounded through the forest, knocking the breath out of me – air flying out of my lungs in a painful whoosh. I felt the earth and stone give way under my body as it came to an excruciatingly sudden stop. The sensation reminded me of what bad whiplash would feel like as a human. I heard and felt the trees shudder from the massive tremor caused by my impact.

I lay there, stunned, as I struggled to regain my senses.

The first sense I reclaimed a hold of was my smell. The smells of the forest and wet dog pervaded the air. Sounds came next; five sets of beating hearts and heavy lungs, a low whine from close by.

I felt a deep ache covering my entire body. If I were still human, I knew I would have been killed. But the sensation was comparable to being entirely plastered with bruises. It was far from pleasant. Finally, I managed to open my eyes.

My perfect vision spun in a very contradicting way. I watched, dazed, as leaves and branches showered down over me. A long path of broken and mangled tree limbs documented my plunge.

I groaned, and closed my eyes again, feeling the painful sensation radiate through me.

I heard a soft yelp from somewhere above me.

I cracked my eyes open just enough to register Jacob, as the massive reddish-brown wolf, move into my field of vision. He towered high over me, looking deeply concerned, wolf-brows mashed over his familiar eyes, filled with alarm. I struggled to find my voice.

"I'll live." I finally managed to gasp, "Victoria is escaping."

Jacob turned his gaze away from me. My eyes followed his as he locked on to the dark eyes of a similarly massive black wolf. I assumed it was Sam, the rest of the wolves were flanked behind him, standing tall between the trees. I couldn't help but notice how they gazed at me, their animal faces mainly full of shock and… awe?

Silent communication flowed between the two Alphas for a brief instant. The black wolf nodded, and the four wolves scattered, sprinting off into the trees.

A few long seconds went by as I listened as the wolves pressed deeper into the woods. I took several shallow breaths, settling my nerves and my spinning head. The red haze over my vision had completely dissipated, returning the forest to its usual too-green state.

Jacob yelped again softly in concern. I took a deeper breath, wincing at both the pain it caused and the repulsive smell of werewolf. Slowly – even by human standards – I pulled my stiff body forward, feeling my aching muscles protest as I pushed myself to my feet. I braced my shoulder lightly up against a tree and stood there for a few seconds, waiting for my vision to stop spinning.

Straightening up, I ran my eyes automatically over my surroundings. I froze as my eyes skimmed over the ground. I felt the humourless bark of laughter escape my lips as I registered my vampire-shaped crater on the forest floor. I shook my head slightly while I saw Jacob roll his eyes in the corner of my vision.

Now that my life was no longer in such immediate danger, I felt a hysterical mirth that followed my life-or-death adrenaline rush. I felt almost giddy; I had actually fought off one of the dangers I always seemed to attract. No more running, no more enduring. I gave my body a quick one over, noting nothing of too much concern. My body was stiff with pain, my clothes were branch-torn, and I didn't want to imagine how long it would take to get all the bits of forest out of my hair, but I was _alive_!

_Well, in a sense._ I amended.

I knew I was being slightly irrational, but in my slaphappy state, I couldn't really care. My rational side reminded me that there were other things that required my attention. Mentally sobering up a bit, I turned to Jacob.

"Are the others still chasing her?" I asked.

He nodded his massive head, but shrugged at the same time.

"She's getting away, isn't she?"

Again, he nodded. I felt the barely audible hiss escape my throat. My brief high was replaced with anger, frustration, and guilt. The guilt hit hard because she would continue to hunt around Forks, killing those who would have been otherwise safe because of me. Not to mention the staggering risk she posed to the wolves, who continued to pledge themselves to her destruction. I felt horrible, I seemed to unintentionally cause more harm then good – even to my best friend, who was giving up everything to help me.

"I don't think I could fight her again right away. Falling off a cliff wasn't the smartest idea." I admitted ruefully. Even with the guilt, it would do no good to get myself killed. I would wait until my body no longer throbbed with pain.

Jacob chuckled deep in his throat, and the corners of his mouth pulled up in a grin. Suddenly, his eyes widened with surprise, and his chest rumbled with a low growl.

"What is it?" I asked, alarmed. Did Victoria turn to fight the wolves? Was someone about to get hurt or killed? Jacob's eyes narrowed, but he simply shook his head and snorted with exasperation. One way communication was so maddening! Couldn't he just hop behind a tree, phase, and then tell me? Or even scratch a message in the dirt?

Jacob beckoned me forward with a flick of his head, and began trotting through the forest, opposite of the direction that Victoria and the wolves had gone. I followed, wondering what on earth was going on.

We ran through the woods for a few short minutes, running in the direction of the meadow, I realised, displeased. I couldn't help but regret not pushing Jacob to move camp. However, I couldn't quite think up of an excuse that I would be comfortable telling. _Oh, Jacob, this is where I fell in love with a sparkling vampire, and I tried to use you to help track it down, just like I used you to cheat on a promise I made. Mind ditching this place?_

_Real nice. _I thought to myself. My empty chest flared with the aching loss. The gaping hole seemed to consume my entire being, making my stone body feel oddly weak. Where Victoria had failed, this sensation would rip me in half. Once again, I was staggered by the strength of my new emotions.

I heard as Jacob grumbled and huffed as we ran, clearly deeply annoyed with something. His tail twitched in irritation. Suddenly I picked up the noises of another wolf, running swiftly as it angled toward us.

Within a minute, the wolf caught up enough for me to catch glimpse of him while he wound through the trees. The wolf was not quite as large as Jacob, and had grey fur with black spots on his back. It wasn't one of the two who had accompanied Sam to the meadow during our agreement making, and I had assumed Sam to be the largest black wolf. Jacob mentioned that Embry hadn't come to the meadow with Sam, so was this him? Jacob had also mentioned why he thought Sam didn't bring Embry.

Oh. Was that why he followed us now?

I couldn't help but feel gratitude towards Embry if my guess was right. I was happy that he had chosen Jacob over Sam to lead him. I couldn't help but notice how Jacob didn't seem to feel the same way. Maybe my guess was wrong?

Just as I made out the smell of the low burning campfire in the clearing, the two wolves motioned for me to continue on while they phased. I had just tossed a couple logs to get the fire going when the two broke through the tree line as humans. It was Embry, and he looked ecstatic. Spotting me sitting at the fire, he waved. Jacob still looked annoyed.

"Hey, Bella!" He greeted good naturedly. I was glad he didn't seem overly put off by what I was. I greeted him back as the two took spots across the fire from me. Embry flared his nose at my smell, but otherwise didn't say anything.

"Anyways, you're probably wondering why I'm here." He started.

"Not too much, I heard that you were still friends with Jacob."

"That still doesn't mean that he should have ditched the pack just for me." Jacob grumbled.

"C'mon, I already told you why. It's also because of Sam. He's being a real jerk right now, both him and the others, especially Paul. I'd rather have you lead me, then have to listen to them tear you down behind your back."

"But I don't want to lead anyone!" Jacob spat, exasperated.

"Nothing much will change, I will patrol as usual. Plus it would be a lot easier for you if you had someone to coordinate strategy with mid-fight. You wouldn't be held back for being a single head."

"Whatever, but y'know, this stupid renegade pack thing ends once Sam agrees that it's safe enough to let Bella live."

"Sure, but for now, I'm choosing to cover your back."

Jacob sighed, seeing he was fighting a losing battle. Embry turned his attention toward me, awe in his wide eyes.

"Man, you are seriously lucky. Getting all the action to yourself!"

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah, you should have heard the others! We were all super jealous. We heard all the snarling and crashing up on the mountain. Paul just about tried to climb a tree, he was itching so much for some action."

"Are you kidding me?" I spluttered, taken aback.

"No way! Well, they were thinking some other things, which is why I got fed up with them. I mean, it's not your fault you're a bloodsucker, but still… they didn't have to think so resentfully of you. To tell you the truth, the others were honestly hoping that the red-haired bloodsucker would finish you off."

I felt a flash of hatred towards Sam, I felt my eyes narrow.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Bella. _I_ didn't hope for that, I know how good of a friend you are to Jake." Embry glanced in Jacob's direction. "They didn't care though. They were convinced you were just another undead parasite. Totally lame, if you ask me, I saw how you felt when Sam was talking to you. I'm really sorry, Bella, about everything that's happening to you."

"Thank you." I murmured. Despite the fact that he seemed to have no issues about life-or-death fights, Embry seemed a nice guy.

"Yeah, well. We were all really surprised when you weren't killed. I was the only one actually glad about it though." He added, rolling his eyes. "But then all of us were really impressed that you didn't seem to get hurt too badly at all. Did you?"

"Um, no, I managed not to during the fight. But hitting the ground after pushing us off the cliff was pretty painful." I confessed, noting that the pain in my body had already reduced to a dull ache. I imagined it would be entirely gone by sundown, in an hour or so.

"You _pushed_ her off the cliff? You didn't just fall or anything?" He asked, eyes wide with surprise and admiration.

"I _was_ trying to get her down to where you guys could help me." I admitted.

"Wow, that's awesome."

I rolled my eyes, and I heard Jacob snort with amusement. His own expression had gained a portion of Embry's incredulity.

"Maybe next time you'll be able to stop her, you seemed to be the only one able to keep up with her. You guys are both wicked fast." Embry added, looking slightly envious.

"Next time." I echoed, dreading when that would be. In the mean time, she would continue to kill innocent people around Forks. Hopefully, my letter to Charlie would keep him from coming out into the woods, searching for me. I needed to make sure, though.

"Hey, Embry?" I asked nervously. Noting my sudden change in tone, both Quileute boys eyed me carefully.

"What's up?" He said carefully.

"Did you hear anything more about Charlie?" I kept my eyes on the fire as I asked, feeling the guilt over the pain I must be causing my father. Even focused on the flames, my perfect peripheral vision catalogued both of their expressions change from careful to sympathetic.

"Oh. Yeah. I heard he… called off the search. But he's still pretty frantic. He's been harassing Billy constantly for information on where Jacob and you might have gone. 'Course, Billy claimed to have no idea, but I think he gave him some false leads. Just for false hope. Billy says Charlie's real torn up. So apparently, Jacob's always had dreams to live in Northern Canada."  
"What?" Jacob snorted. I ignored the two as they continued to bicker over Billy's choice of false lead. I dwelled over what Embry had said, letting the words repeat themselves endlessly in my mind. _Frantic. Torn up._ His hardly a legal adult daughter, running away from home, of course he would be. This was the second time now that I'd faked running away because of vampires. But this time, I wouldn't be returning.

Agony washed through me, flooding my mind with blurry recollections of taboo memories. The broken expression on Charlie's face as I ran out of the house that night, trying to evade my hunter, surfaced relatively strongly through my murky memories.

I was pulled back to the present by the rising voices of the Jacob and Embry, who had now thrown my name into their argument.

"You don't have to leave once Bella's no longer dangerous. That's just stupid!" Embry retorted to something Jacob had said.

"Well, I can't just rejoin Sam's pack. I don't think it works like that."

"Yeah, but just because you'd be a separate pack, doesn't mean you'd have to leave La Push."

"Well, I don't want to be around Sam while I'm still actively phasing. I'll probably travel around a bit until I can get the control to quit being a wolf. Once I do, I'll probably come back, get back into school and what not."

"You can quit being a werewolf?" I interjected, suddenly curious.

"It's hard." Embry explained, "To make sure you don't accidentally phase, you need to be able to control your temper. After a while without phasing, you start aging again."

"You're not _aging_?" I demanded, stunned.

"Nope." Jacob cut in. "Or else Billy'd probably skin me for missing so much school. I'll have _plenty_ of time for high school after everything blows over." He laughed.

I sat there for a moment, as I took that in. While I struggled to form a response, Embry spoke.

"What about you, Bella? What are you going to do after all of this? Once Sam is convinced you won't kill anyone, and gives you the ok to leave?"

"Um, I'm not really sure yet. I heard about some animal drinking vampires up in Alaska though, they might help me out."

"Oh, other than the Cullens?"

I winced as he said their name, and Jacob flashed an angry glance at Embry. Embry looked confused for a second, before his eyes widened, and immediately looked guilty.

"Yeah," I said in a quite voice, "other than them."

"Huh. Ok." He said in an equally quiet voice. The silence extended uncomfortably for a long moment, before Embry broke it, voice stilted with awkwardness.

"I'm going to get going. Jake, I'll pick you up a tent unless you want to get soaked tonight. Forecast is calling for lots of rain. Need anything else?"

"No, get going then." Jacob dismissed him in a slightly irritated tone. I couldn't tell if it was because of the prospect of rain, or if was still because of Embry.

Embry was right about the weather. Minutes after he left, the clouds unleashed their worst upon Forks. Both Jacob and I took shelter under the fringe of trees, although I didn't really need it. The fire quickly weakened and died under the deluge. Embry showed up about half an hour later with a medium sized tent and a dusty old blue tarp that he borrowed from Billy. He helped Jacob to set them up before he left again.

"You sure you're fine staying out in the rain?" Jacob asked, confirming what I'd already told him.

"I'm fine. It's warm enough for me, plus, y'know, the smell." I told him wryly. Jacob nodded in agreement. I couldn't help but tell he was equally pleased that he wouldn't have to spend all night in a small enclosed space with a repulsive smell.

Jacob scrambled into the tent before he got more soaked then he already was. I took seat on a low wide branch of a maple. Leaned against the trunk, I was all but protected from the weather.

The clouds darkened with both the rain and the coming nightfall. I sighed and looked out over the clearing, watching the heavy rain fall. Before long, I could hear how Jacob's breathing turned into a light snore. I, on the other hand, felt no call for the human necessity.

This was going to be a long night.


	9. New Moon

The storm lashed down relentlessly, cleansing the earth in a cascade of wind and rain. The wind whipped the forest until every tree twisted violently in time to the gale. I heard the deep groan of wood as my perch in the maple swayed from side to side. Deep in the forest, I heard a tree crack as it gave way to the force.

It was deep, purply night, but I could see just as far as before. Nothing was hidden in the darkness; everything had just changed colors. I could make out each individual rain drop as the rich purple clouds hurtled them mercilessly towards the ground. The sight was awe-inspiring.

Another strong gust of wind tore through the trees, buffeting me with air that felt warm in contrast to my marble skin. Mist sprayed against my face, filling my head with the fresh scent of rain and wet forest.

My thoughts mirrored the maelstrom around me.

With my new vampiric mind, dozen of thoughts and emotions swept constantly though my head. Some of the things I considered were the mysteries that had been raised during the first day of the rest of my new life.

One such mystery was my gruesome red eyes – crimson so extreme in its colouring, it left me shocked and horrified. How long on a diet of animals would it take for them to turn the benign gold? What if I couldn't control myself when faced with the scent of a human? I wasn't very sure exactly how hard it would be, but I had a sense that it might be a struggle.

Another question that came to mind was my inexplicable strength. I had used it to run faster than the werewolves, and overpower Victoria when grappling head on. Perhaps werewolves were naturally weaker than vampires. But that didn't explain Victoria's lesser strength.

_Everything _about me was stronger, not just my muscles. My senses were strengthened a thousand-fold, the sensations that constantly bombarded me were almost overwhelming in their potency. My new memories were infinitely stronger too. I found that every sight, every thought, every emotion I had experienced thus far had been perfectly preserved in crystal clarity. Even every second of consuming agony during my searing transformation, it had all been catalogued and stored away in my spacious head.

My strengthened emotions continued to catch me off guard, both by their force and the erratic mood swings. From the rage fuelled bloodlust to the deep flooding anguish. There was also that one sensation I recalled during my red-hazed madness.

It was the strange nebulous layer that I had felt, covering me perfectly from head to toe. Without my anger to sharpen the sensation, I was only very faintly aware of its existence at the edge of my consciousness. Attempting to focus incredibly hard on the invisible sensation, I felt it roil and stretch just scarcely away from my own body. It felt a little like elastic in quality. This was one mystery that truly stumped me. I didn't even have any wild theories to try to help explain it.

When would I ever have guessed that just being a vampire would be so incredibly overwhelming?

A distant flash of lightning forked along the underside of the clouds, briefly illuminating the deep purple clouds in a burst of eight colours. The sight temporarily distracted me from my thoughts.

_Distractions_. I thought the word with a bitter edge. How true it was, how easily distracted vampires were. How could they not be, with the constant mental and sensory overload? He wasn't lying then. The delayed rumble of thunder reverberated though the air.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my empty chest, struggling to breathe properly. Even with my inhuman strength, it wasn't enough to stop the sensation that I was breaking apart.

Ever since I thought I was about to die at the hands of Laurent, ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind, it was a struggle to lock it back up.

Life seemed dark enough at the moment that I let myself cheat. The hole was already aching, so why not? I pulled out the memory – not a real memory that would hurt too much, but the perfectly recalled false memory of Edward's voice in my mind this afternoon – and played it over and over in my head.

To my growing horror, I was realising just how faded my human memories were getting. And with that, I was faced with a conflict. How much _did_ I want to remember? I recalled my old human dilemma; forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. Did I want to forget what was undeniably the best short months of my human life?

Without a doubt, I wanted to remember the majority of my human life – I didn't ever want to forget Charlie, Renee or even Phil. I struggled to remember all the trivial and inconsequential bits of my life, from Renee's weekly fads, to birthdays, to summers spent with Charlie in Forks. Even with the improved speed of my mind, I spent a very long span of time committing my pre-Forks life to my new memory.

My reminiscence slowly moved forward, bringing me dangerously close to forbidden territory. Phil's travelling job, Renee's conflict, my determination to make sure she wouldn't be unhappy. The memory of the flight from Phoenix followed. I remembered Charlie showing me my new old truck. I remembered settling into my new old room. I was still unused to the rain back then. My first day of school at Forks.

The slow procession of blurry memories ground to a halt as I grappled with the conflict in my mind. It wasn't so much a difficult decision – actually, I knew the answer the moment I asked myself the question. The decision may not have been difficult to choose, but it would be infinitely difficult to act on.

I remembered that I had once worried that my human mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not _think_ of them, but I must _remember_ them.

Tonight would go against all of my screaming instincts. Tonight I _would _think of them, so that tomorrow, or a hundred years from now, I _could_ remember them. I would endure as much pain as I needed to ensure myself that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.

I allowed the memories to start up where I'd left off.

Like the burn of venom in my veins, the process was slow and truly agonising. Every few minutes I needed to stop while I clutched my empty stone chest, feeling the air hitch in my throat, like I was choking on it. I didn't quite know how to cry in this body. I felt like I should be, yet my eyes felt strange and dry; they blinked against the uncomfortable feeling.

I remember him lifting his glorious, agonized eyes to mine_. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."_

I looked out over the perfectly round meadow, almost pinpointing the very spot he had said that. I closed my eyes, allowing the bleak stormy clearing to transform into the bright warm meadow of my blurry memory. My body felt as cold as ice, finally feeling like the stone it was made of.

_"I love you," _he had said_. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."_

It had been the first time he'd said he loved me – in so many words.

A crack of lightning touched down not even a mile away. The almost immediate blast of sound reminded me of that night in the baseball clearing. The very same night I was just remembering. I didn't even bother anymore to struggle to breathe properly. I simply stopped while the memories pushed forward.

I recalled Alice interrupting my worrying in the hotel room, touching my cheek with her cold fingers._ "It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"_

Alice. I'd also lost her too. It seemed an insult to injury.

_"Alice already saw it, didn't she?" _I had guessed_. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."_

_"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."_

_"You'll never catch me betting against Alice."_

The hysteria reigned in my head as I realised how the prediction was now fulfilled. Only, it had been fulfilled under the most horrible, the most ironic, of conditions. I highly doubted she had foreseen it happen quite as it had, saved from a vampire attack by a pack of werewolves.

Attempting to calm my hysterics, I listened to one of the werewolves who had saved me now, as he snored soundly through the downpour. The storm had dropped off in intensity, but the rain still fell relentlessly over the deep violet forest. The time passed unevenly as I sunk myself back into the slow flow of murky memories.

_"Contingency plans?" _I had repeated.

_"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." _He had rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious.

By the time I reached this memory, something had changed. For some reason I couldn't imagine, it suddenly seemed like there was something vital I was missing. Some piece of information from my subconscious, which was now tugging at my corner of my mind.

The bad weather had almost completely subsided. Only a gentle rain misted over the soaked clearing.

"_Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."_

Perched on the maple branch, I had curled myself into my tightest ball yet and let the misery flow undiluted through my mind as I recalled the last moments. The words that had negated all the rest. I should have seen it coming. After all, how could I've expected anything else when he was so extraordinary, so perfect? While I was so ordinary, so inadequate?

Again, the feeling I was missing something.

_Of course, I'll always love you… in a way._

The soundless words echoed stubbornly though my mind.

…_I'll always love you…_

Was it possible he still had feelings for me?

… _tired of pretending to be something I'm not._

But I being human simply got in the way?

_"I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted."_

Something, something very similar to the first tiny spark of hope I'd felt in an appallingly long time, wavered though my mind. An image of my new flawless appearance conjured itself in my head. This time, instead of complete horror, the perfect face brought with it a fragment of hope. My new speed and strength added their own tiny fragments to the already growing sensation.

I slowly mused over this shaky concept, attempting to keep the rising flare of hope in check. The last thing I needed was false hope. If I let myself get too caught up in the idea, and it turned to naught, it would undoubtedly destroy me.

I kept the majority of my mind moving forward, slowly sifting through and preserving the last of my human memories. The process became choppy as I encountered the hazy gaps that I wouldn't even have remembered as a human. Recalling my own suffering was only half as tormenting as it would have been, given that a large portion of my mind was still occupied.

I rolled the idea slowly in my head, trying to view it from all angles. Like a jeweller trying to decide whether the glittering stone in his hands is a priceless diamond – or a worthless rock.

The part of my head currently immersed in the shadowy depths of the worst months of my human life was currently reviewing the recurring nightmare. The endless maze of moss-covered trees, hurrying through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy…

Could my new graceful speed follow where my old sluggish self had failed?

Edward could run after his distractions all he wanted, and I could follow. I wouldn't let him be distracted. Maybe, now that I was beautiful and strong, he wouldn't want distractions.

I unwillingly struggled to keep the tiny spark of hope from igniting a wildfire in my mind. I tried to distance myself, to objectively view the theory that he might still hold feelings for me. Of course it would never be as close to how much I still deeply loved him. But maybe those feelings would be enough for him to give me a second chance. A second chance and some time. Maybe then he would find me more desirable.

I half-heartedly argued that I had no idea where they had moved on to. A portion of my brain reminded me I now had all eternity to search.

It's not like I could just get up and look for them. Victoria was still priority one. There would probably be another life-or-death fight in my very near future. Just imagining that I somehow managed to win that one…

_Then I would be free to look. _The other half of my head crowed.

_Of course not._ My wary, guarded side countered. I had to wait until a pack of werewolves gave me their satisfaction that I wasn't dangerous to human life.

_But once those werewolves are happy?_ The half of my head I was trying to keep in check prompted.

I suddenly realised that not all of the werewolves would be happy. Hadn't I already assured one of them that I wouldn't try to find the Cullens, now that I was the same as them?

Jacob. Our blurred relationship was becoming more confusing. The last time I had seen him before all of this, when we were both human, he had clearly stated how he felt. But couldn't he now see, just as I did, how impossible it was?

Looking back on the day, I already realised how different he seemed. Not just my perspective of him, since I now knew he was a werewolf. It was something else. He seemed so unusually bitter, so distant. His perpetual sunnyness had dimmed, and I couldn't be sure what exactly the cause was. So much had changed so quickly since I'd seen him last.

I still needed him though. It was selfish, but I couldn't stand to send him away now. But even now, he was sacrificing so much just to help me. I had never deserved a friend like him. It wasn't fair. Maybe the vampires in Alaska really could help me out, so that Jacob didn't have to suffer because of me.

Maybe if he thought that I would stay in Alaska, then it would make him happier. I could do that. I could leave him with the best last impression I could before we parted ways. He had already mentioned to Embry that he was planning to come back to La Push as soon as he could. That was good. I was messing his life up too much.

I spent a minute listening to Jacob's low snoring, below the maple branch where I still sat perfectly immobile. A statue. Curled into a tight ball, arms wrapped like steel girders around my empty chest, I had still not bothered to start breathing again. It was mildly uncomfortable, the feeling of sensory deprivation.

I loosened my hold around myself just enough to draw a shallow breath into my lungs, tasting all of the flavours in the air. Unconsciously noting nothing of concern, my instincts relaxed me slightly. I sighed lightly, taking in a deeper breath.

I raised my head slightly, and looked out over the meadow. The clouds had finally ceased their supply of rain, leaving the meadow thoroughly soaked. I noted a slight change to the light level, the dark purple of the night was faintly highlighted with blues. I was fairly sure that it was still no where near dawn yet. Glancing my eyes upward, I noticed the exhausted clouds had dispersed. Though the gaps of the sheltering maple, I spotted the strangest glowing light coming from the sky.

I was utterly distracted for a long stretch of seconds.

I gazed, unbelieving. It was enough to make me force myself out of my cramped position – despite holding it for hours, I didn't feel the least bit stiff. I lighted down onto the soggy forest floor, and, passing the flooded campfire ring, ghosted silently out to the middle of the meadow.

The sky above me had partially cleared, only a few stray clouds continued to meander across its expanse. With my new vision, the heavens above me were brilliant with millions of stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe – an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful.

Astonished, I allowed myself to sink down onto the wet grass, and, not caring if my clothes got soaked, I rested on my back while my eyes absorbed the colossal splendour.

As I lay watching with awe, the wind continued to slowly propel the clouds across the jewelled sky.

I watched as a particularly slow cloud dragged itself along, uncovering the hidden moon from behind its hazy depths.

A new moon.

Something prickled at the edge of my subconscious, stirring up faint nameless emotions. The moon cut a perfectly round, black circle out of the swathe of the glittering heavens. Like a black hole, the empty space sucked away all the light within its reach. I found my eyes unconsciously fixing upon it.

Suddenly uneasy for reasons I couldn't quite identify, I forced my focus back to the million glowing points of light in the sky. Even so, I found my gaze slowly drifting. Not sure quite why, I let it settle back over the black hole. Its gravitational force drew me in until I felt like I would fall into its dark depth. Its strength held me fast, making me unable to look away – unable to see the stars anymore.

My unease grew rapidly, twisting its way through my chest until it felt constricted. I tried to calm myself, but my irrational reaction would not be stilled. I tried to breathe deeply, but now both my throat and lungs felt constricted as well. My breath hitched, and my eyes pricked uncomfortably.

Completely bewildered, I forced my eyes shut and shook my head several times, trying to force the unexpected emotions out of my head. Opening them back up again to the night sky, it only took a few more minutes until the nameless distress crept back into my mind.

For the first time since I became a vampire, I felt clumsy as I awkwardly heaved my immobile body off the ground. I sped back to the edge of the meadow and clambered back into the branches of the protective maple.

With only small pieces of the starry sky once again visible though the gaps in the maple tree, I felt slightly more at ease. But only slightly. I instinctively folded my arms around my chest, curling back into the tight ball, and waited for sunrise.


	10. Scents

The sun shone down from above, piercing through the gaps in the canopy of trees, and throwing golden rays of light on my marble skin.

After last night, I had waited until the gradually brightening sky managed to flood out the light of the stars. I had watched as the sun had slowly risen over the trees, burning off the morning fog, and returning the colour to the purple hued forest.

The usual layer of overcast had still not been restored since last night's storm. Only a few lone clouds floated lazily in the late morning sky. Jacob was still fast asleep and snoring.

I sat in the maple tree, examining the patches of my illuminated skin with portions of both anguish, fascination, and now, hope. The smooth diamond-bright facets threw tiny eight coloured rainbows in all directions. I watched the effect disappear as a large cloud slowly blocked out the sun.

I picked up the faint sounds of a lone wolf running far out in the forest. Becoming more alert, I listened as it headed towards the meadow. Although my common sense told me that if Victoria had been spotted, the wolves would howl, I still couldn't help but feel tense, expecting some form of bad news.

The wolf stopped just out of view, where it paused to phase and change into clothes. Embry wove though the last of the trees and into the meadow. He spotted me in the tree, and gave a small wave.

"Hi, Bella."

"Hey, Embry. Any news?"

"Yeah. But I want to wake up Jacob first. How was the storm?"

"Long." I answered truthfully.

"You didn't sleep in a tree, did you?" He laughed, but examined my perch in the maple a little more closely.

I laughed without much humour. "No, I can't sleep. Literally."

He raised an eyebrow, surprised. Oh, how I wish I could have slept. Last night had felt like a week, with nothing but the stormy darkness pressing uncomfortably in on me.

I jumped lightly out of the tree, both of us automatically wrinkling our noses against the other's stench. We both listened as Jacob continued to snore away. Embry suddenly grinned wickedly.

"Oooh, I know the perfect way to wake him."

He strode over to the tent, and unzipped it, throwing the flap wide open. He snatched the pack of supplies lying just inside the shelter. He beckoned me over silently. Puzzled, I went along.

"Okay, now just stand right in front of the opening." He whispered conspiratorially, grinning. He unzipped the backpack, and grabbed one of the spare shirts. Holding it out by the corners, he started to fan.

I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter as Embry blew my scent into the little tent. I squatted down on the balls of my feet to get a better view into the opening.

Although the tent was fair-sized, Jacob was stretched out diagonally due to his height. His face looked peaceful as he slept, snoring loudly with his mouth hanging open. I felt a little bad for interrupting his rest.

After a few strong wafts of air were fanned into the tent, his face unconsciously twisted, nose scrunching up against my smell. His snoring was interrupted as he snorted airily a few times, trying to clear the scent out of his nose. I heard Embry's snickering as he continued to blow my smell into the tent.

Embry's low laugh drew Jacob out of his sleep, and I watched him groan and unconsciously move his hand to cover his nose. Suddenly, he froze for a second before inhaling deeply.

He jerked himself up violently, eyes popping open in alarm, mouth gaping and expression disoriented as he struggled to shake off his sleep.

The look on his face was too priceless, and both Embry and I broke out into loud laughter – his was husky and deep while mine sounded like a chorus of bells.

"'Morning, sleeping beauty." Embry mocked.

Jacob blinked several times as he realised he wasn't being jumped by Victoria. He snapped his hanging mouth shut, and immediately flopped back to the floor of the tent, where he threw his arms over his face, looking sour. He grumbled unintelligibly under his breath, while I backed away from the tent entrance, not wanting to stink it up too much for him.

"Jake, you should know that I caught a trace of the red-haired leech during a patrol this morning." Embry informed, switching into a more humourless tone. Jacob lowered the arms from his face, eyeing Embry with a now similarly serious expression.

"She passed through hours ago, sometime late at night. But I thought you'd be interested on where the trail led." Embry explained. Jacob raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"It, uh, led to the… _other's_ old crypt." He flashed a quick wary glance at me, probably hoping to avoid the bad reaction that their name had caused yesterday. I had frozen in surprise, wondering why, of all places, she had gone there. Just imagining the deserted white house that she would have seen made the edges of the hole in my chest lash with pain.

"She must have been really quick about it." Embry continued, "Probably thought we wouldn't expect her to show up again so soon. She made a beeline straight there. The scent circled around the place only a couple times before she did a one-eighty, and got the hell out of there."

"Probably making sure they were still gone." Jacob concluded in a low voice.

The realisation that Jacob was most likely right sent another radiating wave of pain through my empty chest. Was it possible that Victoria was confirming that it really was Laurent who had changed me after failing to kill me? Had she thought it was possible that _they_ had returned, and changed me?

"I hope she isn't thinking of giving up on revenge. As long as she comes back again, we have a pretty good shot at finally killing her."

My opinion was in conflict. On one hand, I desperately hoped for the opposite of Embry. I hoped that Victoria had given up revenge. But on the other hand, I knew that even if she left, she would still be murdering people somewhere in the world.

Jacob had already crawled out of the tent, and was now stretching out his sleep-stiff body with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I was wondering, Bella, why'd your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?" he asked suddenly.

"James was trying to kill me – it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?"

I was sure that he probably remembered better than I did. Even after spending most of last night trying to commit my human life to my new memory, it was still exceedingly faded.

Jacob sucked in a breath. "He got that close?"

"He got very, very close." I said, absentmindedly rubbing my hand where the scar from James' bite had once been. The mark had completely vanished during my transformation.

Jacob looked horrified. Embry frowned, appearing deep in thought.

"Do you know anything else about the bloodsuckers that could help us?" Embry asked.

I thought about that for a moment. The question felt like something you would ask of a spy, or maybe a mole was the correct terminology now. But I supposed it might help them to catch Victoria.

"_Vampires_," I emphasised, not appreciating their persistent slurs, "Can sometimes have extra abilities. Like, special talents that only they can do."

"Do you think the redhead can do anything special?" Embry inquired, eager for information.

"Um, I'm not sure. At least, no one ever mentioned it."

"Well then, what other types of abilities could one of them have? Do you think _you_ can do something extra?" Embry asked. I saw Jacob's expression turn to surprise at this idea.

I felt deeply surprised too. I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, it's not like I've had any magic visions, or felt any other weird sixth sense yet. I probably didn't. I felt fairly disappointed. I'm probably just a normal – I mentally laughed at the descriptive – vampire.

"I… I don't think so." I said honestly. "I don't feel any special abilities. Um, James, for example, had a type of sixth sense used for tracking people."

"Did any of the Cullens have… extra talents?" He continued to ask. My chest already ached with pain, hearing their name only managed to further tear at the wounds. It's not like the werewolves really needed to know what the Cullens could specifically do. Annoyed, I answered a little sharply.

"Yeah. Jasper could control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing. And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…" My brusque tone quickly disappeared as I remembered them.

"And," I continued, my voice barely a whisper now, "...and Edward," my voice broke as I allowed the name to burn up my throat, "he, could read minds. I think it's kind of like how you guys hear each other as wolves."

"Really?"

"Embry." Jacob warned in a quiet, but stern voice.

"Ah. I… am sorry Bella. I was just curious. I'll try not to bring them up specifically again. Um, anything else about general… vampires?" He said, trying to be a little more thoughtful.

"Well, you guys already know about a vampire's strength, speed, hard skin. My senses are now incredibly strong too. Um, vampires get thirsty as well. It got quite painful for me, like my throat was burning. If a vampire bites you, it's a kind of venom on their teeth that causes the transformation." I listed off all the basics I knew.

"Thankfully werewolves can't get changed. We know from passed down knowledge that if one of us were to get bit, it would simply poison us." Jacob informed me gladly, making it sound like death by poison would be preferable to becoming a vampire. I wondered how much it bothered him for me to be one of them now. I continued wracking my brain for any other facts.

"I bet you guys don't know this; I can now go indefinitely without breathing." I boasted feebly.

"What? No way!" Embry spluttered, surprised. Jacob's eyebrows rose quickly in disbelief.

"_Breathing_?" Jacob simply said, shocked.

"Totally unnecessary." I gave a weak smile.

"One last thing that's… interesting." I continued. "Jacob, you were wondering about sunlight?"

Jacob simply nodded. The sun was still shining; it was now only the direct shade of the forest that kept my skin from sparkling like diamonds.

"I think I heard about this." Embry announced, "Doesn't your skin glow or something?"

"Something like that, it looks a lot more… dramatic than it sounds."

Both boys followed my gaze towards the sunlit meadow. I tried to push the overwhelming reversed déjà vu from my mind. But it was impossible to forget. He was impossible to forget. Feeling that uncomfortable pricking at my eyes, I not-so-subtlety folded my arms over my painfully throbbing torso. Jacob appraised my new position, sadness and concern in his eyes.

Slowly, hesitantly, I paced towards the boundary between light and shadow. I paused momentarily when I reached the edge of the deep shade. I turned my head slightly, not bothering with full eye contact, to give a small sad smile to the two behind me. I closed my eyes as I took the few short steps to fully immerse myself in the glowing sunlight.

Feeling the dull warmth of the sun spread over my skin, I turned carefully, slowly opening my eyes to see their reactions.

Jacob and Embry stood frozen in the dense shade of the forest, staring straight at me. Thousands of tiny chinks of light reflected off of my white skin, casting miniscule rainbows in every direction. The flecks of light danced as I finished turning my body.

Embry clearly looked unpleasantly taken aback, but there was also amazement in his expression as he stared at my sparkling skin.

I heard Jacob grind his teeth together, his jaw knotted with an unfathomable expression on his face. Anger? Disgust? Agony? It was hard to tell. I suddenly grasped that me being a vampire must pain him far more than he let on. My brain added up all the little things, such as the almost non-existent physical contact, the easy agreement to let me go to the Denali clan, his plan to return to La Push, his frequent slurs. Suddenly, I understood why he seemed more bitter and distant than usual. He must be fighting his prejudice towards what I've become just enough to help me. He must have really hated vampires in the short time between becoming a werewolf, and before I was changed.

The more I watched his face, the more apparent this became. He worked his expression into one of sarcastic humour, trying to mask his momentary slip. He raised an eyebrow, and pulled the corner of his mouth up into a smirk, but his dark eyes were still hard and inscrutable.

"Um… wow?" Embry breathed, unsure what to think about my iridescent skin. I could see the initial amazement already turn into apprehension.

I bit my lip, but simultaneously regretted it somewhat. My new teeth were sharper against my granite skin than my human teeth had been against my soft human lips.

Jacob raised his hand in front of his face, pretending to shield his eyes from the glare.

"Freaky Bella." He commented. As he was lowering his hand, his expression again slipped. Just a second of anguish, so brief I would have missed it as a human.

I was somewhat glad that their reaction was more negative than anything. The location really was too much of a horrible coincidence for me to bear. I took a couple steps back towards them to conceal myself in the shade once again. The shifting sparkles of light quickly faded and disappeared as I entered the cover of the forest.

The next few minutes passed fairly quietly, with a certain amount of uncomfortable tension in the atmosphere. Jacob decided to try to start the campfire again, so he could cook the last of the packaged hotdogs for breakfast. Unable to find much wood that hadn't been soaked during the night, getting even a small fire going was a lost cause.

"I guess that means I'll have to find you a camp stove now." Embry joked while Jacob snacked on cold hotdogs.

"Don't even get me started. If you're going to offer to haul supplies out, I could probably name a dozen things…" Jacob paused while he finished the last bite of his third hotdog, "I guess I might as well get comfy if we're going to be out here for a while."

I felt the brief, but strong, surge of guilt. The two boys were sitting a few feet out in the sun drenched meadow, taking advantage of the warmth before the usual overcast could return. I sat in the shade. Jacob had eyed me briefly when I had chosen my spot, but he didn't bring it up. He understood what I couldn't say aloud.

A warm breeze – or maybe just warm to me – blew gently through the woods. It really was a pleasant day, so I allowed myself to lean up against the tree behind me and attempted to relax. The wind washed the werewolf stink away, and I gladly inhaled the clean air deeply.

Maybe I'd just had the smell of wolf in my nose too long, but the fresh air smelled oddly sweet. Very sweet. Desirable.

My throat tickled.

Instinctively, I focused on this new scent, not understanding. I pulled a strong gush of air through my nose, trying to smell the faint perfume better.

Sweet. Warm. Delicious.

My throat burned dryly. My mind paused all rational thought while I continued inhaling this mouthwatering fragrance. I felt my muscles automatically tighten and bunch, readying me to locate the source. I wanted to – no, I _needed_ to find the source. There wasn't any other choice.

"Bella?" Someone called, wary. I was vaguely surprised to find myself standing without even realising I had moved. My thoughts felt in a haze; Jacob's voice seemed oddly distant.

Without really seeing, my eyes met his confused gaze. Whatever he saw on my face had his own expression quickly turning to concern.

"What the heck is it, Bella?"

_What the heck is it?_ I considered his question for a fraction of a second. It was a scent. A scent more desirable than anything I could have imagined. A scent that both set my throat to aching and burning, and also promised to quench it. A scent whose source I thought I should know, but the haze in my mind offered no space to connect the two. The only thought in my mind was currently in the scent's fiery grip, urging me to track it.

I didn't wait around to give an answer. I hurtled deep into the forest, racing after the compelling fragrance. I was only dimly aware of the two I left in the meadow, that I was now rapidly distancing myself from.

"Bella!" Someone yelled, alarmed.

"_Crap_! Jake, don't you smell that?" The other voice exclaimed, horrified.

There was the sound of shredding fabric, then, the sounds of twin sets of paws, quickly building a frantic pace.

The scent ruled completely. I was single-minded as I traced it, aware of the quickly overwhelming thirst. It became so painful now that it confused all my other thoughts and began to remind me of the burn of venom in my veins.

There was only one thing that had any chance of penetrating my focus now, an instinct more powerful, more basic than the need to quench the fire – it was the instinct to protect myself from danger. Self-preservation.

I was suddenly alert to the fact that the sprinting creatures far behind were following me. The pull of the irresistible scent warred with the impulse to turn and defend my hunt. A bubble of sound built in my chest, my lips pulled back of their own accord to expose my teeth in warning. My feet slowed, the need to protect my back struggling against the desire to quench my thirst.

My pursuers could not match my speed, but they would quickly catch up when I stopped to quench the burning thirst. With this knowledge, defence won. I spun, and the rising sound ripped its way up my throat and out.

The feral snarl, coming from my own mouth, tore deep into the forest. A crimson haze started to drift over my vision when I heard one of the pursuers respond with a heavy growl that echoed back through the trees.

"Bella! Stop this right now! They _will _kill you if you don't!" Edward's voice unsettled me, and it cleared my head for a second—the thirst-driven haze receded, though the thirst burned on.

The wind continued sending the intoxicating aroma across my face, once again making my thoughts disoriented and confused. I struggled against the scent's fiery grip – a scent so delicious it could only be human.

The wolves quickly hurried closer. Their stench preceded their arrival, and mercifully diminished the power of fragrance. I realized that I had been about to attack them. With a hard jerk, I straightened out of my defensive crouch. I held my breath as I refocused, fearing the power of the fragrance still swirling around me.

I caught sight of the two wolves, muzzles wrinkled back over dagger-like teeth, quickly covering the distance between us. Before they could attack, I spoke, knowing that if their senses really were as strong as a vampire's that they would hear.

"I have to get away from here," I spit through my teeth, using the breath I had.

The two wolves visibly faltered as they took in the returned reason and horror on my face. They skidded to a halt, wary. I didn't have time to further reassure the two. I knew the ability to think clearly would last only as long as I could stop myself from thinking of –

I burst into a flat-out sprint, concentrating solely on the uncomfortable feeling of sensory deprivation that seemed to be my body's only response to the lack of air.

Once again, I was aware of being followed, but I was sane this time. I fought the instinct to breathe – to use the flavours in the air to be sure it was Embry and Jacob. I didn't slow down enough to let them keep up. My one goal was to run far enough away that the scent behind me would be completely lost. Impossible to find, even if I changed my mind...

Far behind me, I heard the two wolves cry out. Odd strangled yelps and barks. Like they were pleading for my attention. I slowed, confused.

On the very edge of my heightened senses, I heard it. A truly terrible growl. Low, and rumbling like prolonged thunder.

The distant noise came from ahead of me.

My instincts ignored my determination to hold my breath, and I hastily tested the forest air. Well defined scent trails of wolves. The distant smell of the ocean.

In my haste to flee the desirable human smell, I hadn't taken into account my direction.

I had been running due west. My vampiric mind had no problem calculating the distance.

I had entered La Push.


	11. Alphas

I instantly froze my run. Panic raced through my mind as I considered the tight spot I was now in. I fought the instinctive urge to flee. It might not do any good to try to turn and make another run for it. I created this situation, and I needed to try and end it as peacefully as possible. My danger to human life was the single largest problem that the wolves had with me. This would be the first major step to try to earn their trust.

I took a deep breath, tasting the air – it was unpolluted now, with no trace of the compelling perfume to torment my thirst.

It took Jacob and Embry a quick minute to catch up. I turned to watch them join up with me. Jacob's face was filled with alarm, his hackles bristled slightly. Embry looked upset, ears low and tail flicking from side to side.

"Did I… accidentally enter La Push?" My bell voice squeaked, twisted by panic.

Jacob turned his serious gaze to me, and very slowly, he nodded.

"And Sam knows." It wasn't a question. I could hear two of the La Push wolves now as they hurried to converge with us.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. Embry trotted ahead of me, positioning himself between me and the oncoming wolves. Jacob hurried off a short distance into the woods. His heart beats, loud from a massive wolf heart, quieted as he took on his smaller, human form.

"Um, Bella, if you don't mind… don't turn around. My clothes kinda got shredded."

That situation might have been awkward or embarrassing on another day, but right now a more serious situation was at hand.

"I'm sorry too, Bella. It's my fault Sam knows. I panicked, and told him, when you were able to outrun us." Jacob continued, sounding guilty.

I simply nodded, and swallowed heavily. The scent of Jacob and Embry had helped temper the burning in my throat. It had returned to the dull ache.

My sharp eyes suddenly picked up movement deep in the forest. Dark as a shadow, the giant black wolf snaked through the trees, straight towards us. Sam's expression was hard and inscrutable, his hackles standing straight on end. A few second behind him, Jared, in the form of a brown wolf, followed.

Sam's dark eyes flashed as they focused on me. The growl that rumbled from him as he took in the sight of us waiting was grisly. My forehead creased with worry and I bit my lip. Would he be reasonable and stop? Or had he decided I was too much of a menace? Would Jacob end up fighting with him because of me again?

The first break of relief came. Sam paused just out of sight, where he phased and changed into clothes. At least he appeared willing to talk. He charged out from behind a tree, just finishing tugging a pair of shorts into place.

"Damn it, Jacob _Black_. I knew I should have just killed you both myself!" Sam yelled. I was shocked at his aggressive tone. My image of Sam had always been one of self-possessed authority. Sam stood before us, face twisted into a disgusted scowl. His limbs twitched and quivered, and his hands were balled into fists. He glared at Jacob, still standing behind me. Jared took position on Sam's flank, never removing his menacing gaze from me.

"This was exactly what I was talking about!" Sam continued, "You were a fool to think that you could control a bloodsucker so easily. She just about _killed_ whoever the unlucky hiker was!" Sam turned his baleful glare towards me, before shaking his head. I couldn't argue with him. It was frightening how quickly out of control I had become. I truly had almost murdered someone. I mentally shuddered.

"But Bella didn't, did she?" Jacob retorted, "She clearly snapped out of it and made a run for it!"

"Straight into La Push!" Sam snapped back. His hands were trembling harder, and I felt more unease. Was it purely because of my sudden risk to the humans he had dedicated himself to protect? Or was it that whole two Alphas thing? Whatever antagonised him, I'd never seen him less composed before. Embry bristled at his tone. I was also irritated that I was being left out of an argument about myself.

"I'm truly sorry." I interrupted both of them, "I… had no idea. About both La Push, and about the hiker. It seriously caught me off guard."

Sam snapped his teeth together angrily, behind him, Jared snorted. I continued, wondering if this would be my only chance to explain myself.

"I caught the scent," I spoke, struggling not to recall the nearly irresistible fragrance, "and I had no idea what it was at first. So I kept trying to smell it… and I won't lie, the scent made my thirst burn and made it hard to think straight. Jacob and Embry helped snap me out of it… and I really _am_ horrified at myself. I'm so sorry. I think I should be able to catch myself before it can escalate like that again next time. I didn't realise until too late that I had crossed into La Push. I was trying to run where I wouldn't have to keep smelling the scent."

I was worried that maybe I hadn't told the truth. I wasn't truly sure I'd be able to catch myself next time. The thirst and instincts had so quickly overpowered all common sense. I had never imagined it would be so hard to resist human blood!

Sam openly glared at me, his jaw clenched and unclenched, like he was chewing on the words he wanted to spit out. His angry stare remained locked onto my bloody crimson eyes. I had no idea what he thought in that moment, what he saw as he measured my expression.

The stress had rendered me completely motionless. It had a differing effect on the werewolves. Sam's hands continued to fist open and closed. His fingers trembled. A shudder of movement rippled along his shoulders and down his spine. Jared broke his unrelenting watch from me for the very first time. For less than a second, he chanced an anxious glance at his Alpha.

An air of unnatural silence seemed to press over the forest in that never ending moment. Unnatural amounts of heat poured off of the four, I could feel the warmth roll over me as I stood frozen.

Sam's dark eyes flickered to his pack member, releasing me from their iron grasp. When they returned, something in his face had changed. The anger had been replaced by an expression that looked like disgust.

His quivering slowed only very slightly. He had now switched his deadly glare to behind me, towards Jacob.

"Let me make it perfectly clear. We will _not_ hesitate to kill her the moment that she attacks a human. If you want her to live so badly, you _will_ help keep her under control. There are bound to be many other hikers out on a sunny day like today. And I want you to take her around the treaty line. Make sure she knows it perfectly. Then there shouldn't be _any_ excuse if she crosses it."

There was a long second of silence. I couldn't turn around to see whatever Jacob's expression was.

"Any other _orders_, Sam _Uley_?" Jacob sneered with a shocking level of acid in his tone.

It was like time had frozen. For a piece of a second, even Sam's trembling halted.

Suddenly, time shifted into overdrive. Several things happened very fast.

Sam's eye's bulged, and his nostrils flared with utter outrage. His shaking returned, more violent than ever. Jared let loose a livid snarl. Embry's hackles immediately stood on end and he gave a strange exasperated yelp. Jacob snorted, like he had confirmed something with disgust.

Edward's growl echoed through my head.

Sam hunched forward, vibrating violently. His teeth ground together and his knuckles looked like they were about to break through his russet skin.

"Bella, get back!" Edward's furious voice demanded. I wasn't about to ignore him in this situation, my instincts shouting at me to take physical action. My muscles bunched and prepared me for fight or flight. Warily, I quickly stepped backwards, faster than human speed. Sam's eyes wheeled towards the sudden movement, a real growl tearing from between his clenched teeth, before he seemed to fall forward. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and Sam exploded.

Pitch black fur blew out from the man, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size – a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.

The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, murderously enraged eyes flashed between Jacob and me. He started yowling a long stream of snarls through his teeth. His claws tore into the forest floor, and the muscles under his thick fur tensed and released as he struggled to remain stationary.

"_Bella_!" Edward hissed in my head. I immediately leapt back several more feet, unable to suppress my screaming instincts. With a jolt, I registered a massive russet wolf as I skipped past him. Jacob let loose a vicious warning growl.

Neither wolf moved a single inch. Embry quickly backed up to join me behind Jacob's flank. Jared moved father behind Sam as well.

The severe noises the two emanated echoed heavily off the trees. Sam snapped and gnashed his dagger sharp teeth, froth flying from his jaws. His massive eyes danced with rage. Jacob's entire body vibrated from the deep growl rumbling out of his chest.

Still, neither of them dared break the standoff. A low wind played through the trees, ruffling all of the wolves' already bristling fur.

Gripped with fear, I still managed to feel deeply uncomfortable. I was the only one currently in the dark. The two Alphas continued to stare each other down, almost certainly screaming at each other through their mental link. You could almost hear the profanities in their ripping snarls. The wolves Jared and Embry were also privy to the invisible conversation.

For one wild second, I wished Edward were here to read their thoughts. I flinched as my wounds ripped with pain. I scrambled to quickly beat back the unrestrained thought and forced myself to stay completely still.

The snarls eventually quieted and died out, but the wolves continued to stare each other down with burning intensity.

I counted to a hundred in my head, but there was still no change. Anxiety twisted its way through my body and I would have done anything if I thought it would peacefully end this madness.

Just then, the low wind quickly picked up. A sudden gust of air rocked sideways through the trees, swaying branches and causing the leaves to hiss with movement.

And just like earlier today, the repulsive stink of the wolves was replaced by the desirable aroma of a human.

The dry ache in my throat was surprisingly easily ignored in this situation. I quickly swallowed back the burning sensation along with the sudden excess of venom flowing in my mouth. Without a doubt, it was probably another hiker enjoying the unusually fair weather today.

I jumped as the wolves broke their standoff with unintended synchronization. Sam and Jared both twisted their heads in my direction, instantaneously focussing their attention towards me. Jacob's massive head flipped around, to check me as well. Embry turned towards the source of the scent, raising his nose to confirm the taboo smell in the air.

Sam moved half a step towards me. Jacob wheeled his head back to snap violently at him.

I raised my hands slightly, palms forward, quickly trying to reassure them. Just as fast, I spoke.

"I'm in control. It's easier to ignore, now that I know what it is." I was surprised at the truth of my statement. Last time, I had let myself get wound up by the smell as I tried to figure out what it was. But then again, even if it was easier, it was still an unexpected struggle to keep in control. I could feel the deep rooted urge to hunt. I stilled my breathing.

The wolves returned their focus back to each other. But there was no longer the intense impression of the face off. The wolves exchanged glances between each other. The glances eventually settled on Jacob, whose own focus was back on Sam. Jared rolled his massive eyes at something. Embry barked a laughed.

I gaped in surprise at the sudden flip in the atmosphere. I watched as the bristled fur settled and the wolves unconsciously assumed positions of ease. Sam huffed.

And just like that, I watched as Sam and Jared turned tail and returned to La Push.

Jacob and Embry turned around to see me. Jacob chortled at my shocked expression. I blinked a few times as I tried to imagine just what I'd missed out on.

Jacob led the way as the three of us returned back to the meadow. I felt ease just to be out of La Push. There was no longer the drifting perfume of human on the wind.

With all the delicacy that his immense jaws could muster, Jacob gingerly carried the backpack of clothes into the bushes for himself and Embry. I noted pieces of the destroyed pants tangled in the grass. The scraps of fabric littered the meadow.

"Okay, Jacob, just what the _heck_ did I miss?" I immediately demanded the moment he returned as a human.

"Settle down, it wasn't that big of a deal." Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Are you serious? Sam almost _attacked _us!"

"I wish he would've. It would've given me an excuse to get Jared back for a bet he'll probably never pay good on." Embry mused nonchalantly. I whirled to face him, if there had been any blood in my face, I would've blanched. He had to be kidding me! He merely laughed at my expression.

"If you're wondering, he now owes me ten bucks since you proved you can control yourself." He winked.

"_Anyways_," Jacob interrupted, "Like I said, you didn't miss much. Really, these things happen all the time between the wolves. Maybe it was a little more tense this time, but still."

"_And?_" I prompted, my voice still strained.

"Sheesh! Not much! It was probably better that Sam phased, I don't regret you not hearing the first chunk of our conversation. Well, it wasn't much of a conversation. The word 'leech-lover' was probably the most polite word thrown around. That was us snarling. After we both shut up enough to be more rational, I asked Sam if he'd also traced the red haired leech's path last night. Paul had, and he reported it to Sam as he was relieving Paul of his patrol. Thank _god_ Paul was off patrol."

Embry laughed and nodded. "Seriously. He probably would have pitched a fit that it didn't turn into a fight. I'm glad I don't have to be in his head anymore."

"We talked a little more strategy," Jacob continued, "discussed how we were planning to coordinate our packs, then Sam threw a couple more insults over the Alpha issue." – Jacob paused to roll his eyes again – "Then the wind blew in the scent, we all freaked, but you were fine. I told Sam that Embry was demanding pay up from Jared, Jared refused and we had a laugh. Then we all decided to split."

I was thoroughly irritated now that I knew that the argument had only lasted briefly before their mental discussion had quickly turned on its head. It wasn't my fault for assuming the worst. The image of the positively giant wolves, appearing to all the world as though they were about to tear each other to bloody shreds. I shuddered at the now-memory.

"We did consider letting you help patrol as long as you're just going to be sitting out here in the woods doing nothing." Jacob informed me offhandedly. My eyebrows rose in surprise. Did they really trust me enough to let help them?

"Sam says it's a very distant possibility, and he's not at all comfortable with the idea yet. He's thinking that Quil will join us any day now, so he's not _that_ desperate for extra help."

"Quil's going to be a werewolf?" I struggled to understand the sudden expression of hopelessness that filled both Jacob and Embry's face as Quil's name was mentioned. I quickly realised they must not wish the same fate they had for their friend.

"Yeah. He's had direct wolf genes passed down. That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead. It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly –" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early."

I felt concern over his feelings of helplessness. I wished there was something I could do. With a sickening jolt, I realised that if what Jacob said was right, my very presence in the woods was probably directly influencing the changes happening to the nearby Quiluete population. Just great. Now I was messing up even more people's lives. I didn't even have to know these people, and I was helping to turn them into monsters like myself.

"Don't worry too much about it right now." Jacob said quietly, misreading my upset expression. "Being a wolf isn't so bad. Pretty cool sometimes. Especially when there's leeches like the redhead out there to fight." He smiled weakly.

I sighed. Jacob turned his attention to Embry.

"Look, Embry, you can take off if you want. I'm just going to be showing Bella the treaty line better. Just remember to bring back my pants. We only have a limited supply here."

"Eh. I don't have anywhere I need to be right now. Maybe I'll restart patrolling. I've already skipped school today, and if I go home, my mom will probably start screaming at me again for 'sneaking out'." He made finger quotes around the last two words, rolling his eyes.

"Geez, y'know you _are_ allowed to tell her if you want."

"Naw, I don't mind. I'd rather not let her in on the secret."

"Suit yourself. Bella, you ready to run the treaty line?" Jacob turned his attention back to me.

"Sure, let's go."

Embry did decide to patrol after all. He returned Jacob back his pants and headed off to run a couple passes to the north. After explaining the rough size and shape of the land that the treaty line encompassed, Jacob and I headed out so that I could more personally memorize the border. We headed the opposite way of Embry, starting at the most southern point of the treaty land. Jacob ran as straight as possible through the trees. I could see he took the exact line as seriously as possible. It only took a portion of my head to map and keep track of the land as we flew through the forest. With my perfect memory, the task was more than easy.

Part of my brain used the excess space to replay today's confrontation in my mind, analysing more deeply everything that had been said.

I shuddered as I remembered Sam exploding before my eyes. My fear of his hulking black form was still as strong as ever. Maybe it wasn't so hard to believe that they had killed Laurent so seemingly easily.

I applied my knowledge of what had really been said to the silent conversation. It still didn't entirely alleviate the anxiety and frustration of knowing you were the only person out of the loop.

As I replayed the explanation of my actions I had said to Sam, I acknowledged two things I had said that had been lies. At the time, I had known I had fed them a half-truth when I said that I thought I could control myself. Maybe it wasn't so much a lie now. As long as I held my breath in time, maybe it was possible.

But I couldn't really be blamed for lying about the second thing. Even if they heard each other's voices in their heads, it didn't mean they would approve of mine.

I had said that it was Jacob and Embry who had snapped me out of it. Far from it. They had only managed to infuriate me in my thirst-hazed state. It had been my delusion of Edward's voice. It had managed to break through the thirst fuelled haze in my head, and probably saved my life.

Suddenly, I thought I understood better why the subconscious wish fulfillment had pierced through the haze to my rational mind. I recalled the idea I had invented last night.

Before, the sound of Edward's furious voice had motivated me to be reckless and dangerous. In an ironic twist of events, I now _wanted_ to conform to the hallucination's demands. The voice had finally succeeded to motivate me to want to be safe, to want to live. The voice reminded me of the one last burning hope I had for my now almost meaningless life. I had finally found a reason to keep up my side of the void promise.

I smiled as we continued to trace the treaty line. I quickly doubled my efforts to memorize it. I was suddenly as eager to know it as Sam wanted me to. I would do everything I could to keep myself alive. In any form.


	12. Waiting

It was spring break in forks again. I now had lived exactly one week now out in the woods. Last spring break, I'd been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn't some kind of tradition forming.

The first few days were the undoubtedly the worst. Everyone was on red alert, waiting for Victoria's next attempt. According to the werewolves, it usually took her a few days before she came back after being chased off. Time seemed almost meaningless out in the middle of the forest. I felt out of touch with the real world. World war three could have broken out and I wouldn't have known. This sensation only made the waiting game worse.

Victoria had yet to show up again after our fight on the cliff top.

My days in the woods slowly fell into a pattern.

Nights were undoubtedly the worst time. That's when, with too much time and space to think, my mood darkened along with the shadows. The gnawing anxiety of waiting for Victoria's imminent return left me feeling sick. Any minute she could appear again, and I knew beyond a doubt that she would. I tried to reassure myself that we were clearly at the advantage. It was only her against an entire pack of werewolves. Not to mention I far from breakable these days.

But there was something wrong with her pattern. The wolves had never gone this long without encountering her. I hoped – and the wolves feared – that she had given up on revenge.

The insipid monotony of hanging around in the meadow was hard to escape. During the night, most of my time was spent sheltered under a tree from the nearly constant rain. I sometimes tried to distract myself with my physical prowess. Being able to run around the clearing in half a second without tripping on anything was certainly amusing. I carved patterns into rocks with the tip of my pinkie and once karate chopped a tree in half. I hadn't anticipated it to snap in half and keel over. The thunderous crash woke up Jacob. He bellowed with laughter when he saw my handiwork before returning to sleep. Afterwards, I made sure to stay a little quieter at night.

My overwhelmingly miserable situation made me want to just give up sometimes. It seemed fate was always against me. Blow after blow, until I could no longer endure it as a human. The only thing that kept me from curling up in a ball and letting my misery have me was my hope. It was undeniably unhealthy how much I used my hope as a crutch. I was relying on it far too much to keep me motivated. If that crutch was broken, I knew nothing else would be able to hold me up anymore. I felt both soaring euphoria and crippling fear at the thought of being able to see Edward again.

With nothing immediately dangerous threatening my life, I hadn't heard Edward's voice since my encounter with Sam, one week ago. On a few rare occasions, I had allowed myself to replay the memories, thankful of their perfect clarity.

Jacob had me wake him up each morning a few hours before dawn. He would start his patrols very early, running all morning until late afternoon. These hours weren't much better than the night. He made sure to incorporate the meadow into his perimeter so that with every sweep he could make sure to check in on me. It was a little obnoxious at first, but I appreciated being able to see him. The russet flash of fur and paws, if only for a few seconds, helped break the tedium of the rainy clearing.

Later in the afternoon, Embry would get out of school and replace Jacob on his patrol. He sometimes brought more supplies for our little makeshift camp. He brought as much food as he could for Jacob, but Jacob's new appetite was incredible. The cooler Embry brought to stash food was empty more times than not. Embry also raided more of Jacob's closet, bringing a small cardboard box filled with extra clothing.

After Embry switched Jacob out on the patrol, Jacob would spend time hanging out with me. As we spent more time together, I slowly felt his uncharacteristic bitterness disappear. I thought that he looked more hopeful these days. Maybe he had convinced himself that I wouldn't have been able to control myself. He probably feared I would have gotten myself killed by Sam.

But I was glad for the change. The unfamiliar bitter Jacob was not my Jacob. I longed to see only the sunny Jacob, the one that was perpetually carefree and happy.

Still, more than once, I caught how he sometimes looked at me. The anguish would be clear in the set of his face before he quickly assembled a mask of impassiveness copied straight from Sam. Each time I felt my own twist of anguish.

We killed a lot of time together, out in the woods. Sometimes we ran together just to feel the exhilarating rush of speed. A couple times we went down to the river to relax or swim. I had flaunted my ability to go without oxygen indefinitely.

Yesterday had marked the start of spring break. Everyone was becoming increasingly on edge. Victoria was long overdue for an appearance. Embry now often ran simultaneously with Jacob to take advantage of his extra spare time. I often heard members of Sam's pack far out in the forest, frantically patrolling the woods as well.

The anxiety only increased as time went on. Finally, this morning, I could no longer endure remaining so inactive. It was maddening. I was almost starting to wish Victoria _would_ show up, just so it would be finished one way or another. I brought up the idea of me patrolling with Jacob.

"I think you're right, you probably could help us extend the perimeter out." Jacob slowly considered after I told him I thought I could help. "As long as you keep some distance between Sam's pack and also the town."

"You don't really have to worry too much about Forks. It's not so hard for me anymore." Over the week, I had caught the stray scent of a human on four different occasions. One of those times had been particularly difficult, with the scent blown in strong from very close by. But each time I managed to hold my breath, and forced myself to not to think about it.

"Not so hard once you hold your breath." Jacob pointed out, "But we'll need you trying to pick up the leech's scent."

"Oh. Right." Of course.

"I'll talk to Sam and see if there is somewhere we could have you effectively patrol. You'll also want to keep your distance from their pack because your scent isn't much different from the redhead's. It's different enough, but still too similar that anyone not paying attention might confuse it."

Later in the day, Jacob managed to relay the message to Sam, who hadn't been patrolling when Jacob first phased. Sam was still far from sold on the idea, but he said he'd give me a chance. They agreed to let me try patrolling just past the farthest eastern edges of their current perimeter. The track of land I would sweep would be far from any human trail or civilization.

Jacob or Embry would have to patrol whenever I did. Not just because I was still a risk to humans. It was also so that I could find one of them easily if I found anything. I didn't possess the deafening howl of any of the wolves, so someone else would have to raise the alarm.

Embry was taking part of the day off down in La Push. Jacob would be accompanying me today. I was both nervous and excited. At least I would have something productive to do. But then again, the reasons behind it weren't exactly celebration worthy.

Jacob stood waiting in wolf form while I finished tying back my hair. It was annoying having to pick out leaves and twigs after a run, but it wasn't as bad if my hair was in a tight ponytail. I didn't have an elastic band, but I borrowed a strand of the leather cord that the wolves often used to tie their clothes to a hind leg.

I finished twisting a tight knot in the cord and grinned at Jacob.

"Let's get going!"

His muzzle pulled up over his sharp teeth as he grinned back.

We ran through the trees, the rough forest floor feeling like velvet beneath my bare soles. I had ditched my shoes after the first couple days. It wasn't like there was anything on the ground that could possibly pierce my skin now.

The patrol passed very quietly. With the animal life thoroughly cowering from my repeated passes, the only sounds were the muted thudding of my feet on the ground, the slip of wind through the trees, the light pittering of rain, and a few miles away, Jacob's rhythmic footfall as he ran the north eastern perimeter. The hours quickly went by with nothing to see but the green flashes of trees and bushes as I ran, and nothing to smell other than the usual scents of the forest.

It was relaxing in a way. I tried not to think as I automatically dodged trees and unconsciously analysed the flavours in the air.

It started getting dark when we ended my first patrol. I probably could have continued to run indefinitely, but Jacob needed the rest. I could resume again if I wanted once Embry showed up. We returned to the meadow to hang around for him. He said he would come sometime in the evening to switch with Jacob.

Jacob was exhausted most days. The constant patrols were wearing on him. Under his eyes, there were shadows almost as dark as mine. It took him no time at all to fall asleep when he could.

We were lounging in the meadow, Jacob resting the back of his head against a tree, already looking half asleep, when I heard it.

From far to the west, so far it had to be deep in La Push, a wild, strangled howl emanated. The sound was exceedingly faint. There was no way Jacob in his human form could have picked it up.

"_Jake!_ Someone howled!" I hissed, jumping to my feet in a fraction of a second. Jacob froze for a second, before he too lunged to his feet. He wasted no time to save a pair of pants. A heavy shudder rolled through his body before he fell forward, the blast of fur already shaped into his wolf form by the time he reached the ground. Scraps of his sweatpants fluttered around his paws.

His entire posture was alert, ready to bolt the moment he knew himself where the sound had come from. I watched his dark eyes, waiting for him to lead. The fear and adrenaline rushed through me. Victoria must have _finally_ showed up.

The seconds slowly ticked by as we stood there. Wary, I watched as his brows pressed down over his eyes. He looked confused for a moment, before his eyes suddenly widened with surprise, and his ears lowered. A low whine slipped between his teeth.

Again, I heard the nearly inaudible howl rise up from La Push. I was struck by the distressed tone of the cry. It didn't sound like a determined alarm call. The howl twisted off painfully before it could last very long.

"Is it Victoria?" I asked, suddenly unsure.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. The way he swiped his head back and forth looked like he was trying to shake some unwanted thought from his mind. His eyes remained closed and he stood still for a minute as he communicated with another of the wolves.

Opening his eyes, he made a resigned sound as he made for the box of clothes beside his tent. I darted ahead of him, finding some pants for him so he wouldn't have to rout around with his snout. He gave a thankful nod as he took them behind the cover of a tree.

"We don't have to worry, it's not the redhead." He muttered after he finished changing.

"What happened?" I asked, concerned. Jacob looked upset. Resigned. Hopeless.

"Quil phased." He sighed, letting his head sink back to gaze at the cloudy sky.

"Oh. Oh no, poor Quil."

"Yeah. Sam's dealing with him. I don't envy his job. I was terrified when it happened to me the first time. Embry was with Quil when it happened. He's coming here now. He has something for you." He trailed off, his expression forlorn.

"For me?"

Jacob just nodded. I listened, and sure enough, I heard a wolf making their way towards the meadow, still a few miles out.

Embry didn't bother to stop out of sight. He came straight into the meadow, delicately carrying something small in his enormous jaws. He jerked his head, tossing it towards me. I easily plucked the object out of the air.

I looked down at the slightly damp newspaper in my hands. I turned to Jacob questioningly.

"He fetched me the paper?" Embry barked a laughed at my lame attempt at humour. Jacob ignored that, and explained.

"Quil's house is just behind the store in La Push. Embry ran into him when he was buying some stuff. Quil got really upset. You remember how the whole gang thing appears from the outside. He demanded to know where I'd run off to. He was sure our disappearances were because of the _gang_. He showed Embry today's paper."

I silently unfolded the newspaper. It took half a second to scan the front page, but the headline article was about an unsolved string of homicides in Seattle. There was nothing that seemed related to my or Jacob's situation. I glanced up at Jacob's guarded expression. Embry hadn't bothered to phase back, preferring to let Jacob explain.

"Embry said it was somewhere on page eight. Small article, halfway down the page."

I quickly flipped to the page, and sure enough, nestled under the discount airfare ads, there was a tiny article. Only a few paragraphs long. I looked at the picture of my human face, feeling a mess of tangled emotions. Jacob's photo, one from before he'd cut his hair, was also there.

CHIEF OF POLICE MAKES PERSONAL PLEA IN CASE OF MISSING DAUGHTER

_Charlie Swan, Chief of Police in Forks, Washington, put out a personal plea today in the hope of locating his missing daughter and the son of a family friend._

_Isabella Swan, 18, and Jacob Black, 16, were last seen just over a week ago. Her father claims she disappeared one afternoon after telling him that she was going out to study at a friend's house. She never arrived, and never came home. Jacob Black, her close friend, vanished as well. Her vehicle was later found abandoned at one of Fork's local trail heads. Searches went out for the two, but apparently weren't necessary._

_A runaway letter was found a few days later at the home of Jacob Black. But Police Chief Charlie Swan maintains that there is still reason to doubt her safety._

_"For one, it's been a full week without a single shred of contact from either of them. No phone calls, no emails. Not to me, her mother, or any friends. She didn't take any possessions, not even clothes. Her truck was abandoned, and Jacob didn't take his either. Her bank account hasn't registered any activity. I know that she's a legal adult and a runaway, but I'm deeply worried that something else might have happened."_

_Chief Swan admits she has run away from home once before, but she had at least packed clothes and taken her truck before heading to live with her mother, Renee Dwyer, in Florida. He has made a plea for any information regarding the whereabouts of Isabella Swan and Jacob Black. Anyone with information can contact the Forks Local Police Station._

I turned motionless as the familiar tumult of guilt and anguish over my father flooded its way through me. It was so much worse this time, as I saw the proof of my actions with my eyes. My bright crimson eyes were the only part of me moving, scanning the brief article over twice in quick succession. I managed to pry them away to look at Jacob. I couldn't speak. Even if the lump in my throat wasn't choking me, I still didn't know what to say.

"Quil wasn't completely sure where'd I been at first." Jacob quietly elaborated, "He told Embry he thought I'd been ditching school to hang out with Sam's gang. As if that wasn't bad enough for him. But once he read that article, he was pissed. He started absolutely yelling at Embry about everything. He wanted to know what the hell was going on. He was accusing me of kidnapping you or something because of the gang. Embry tried to make a run for it into the woods, thankfully Quil followed. At least he didn't phase in front of the store. Well, now he gets to be in on the secret like he wanted."

Embry gave a sad whine.

I only halfway paid attention to Jacob's recounting. I could no longer focus on Quil, as much as I felt bad for Jacob's friend. My mind was already grappling with the consequences of my new information. What had I done? Why did I ever think to write a runaway letter? I hadn't yet seen my radically new appearance at the time, but what had I been thinking? Remorse quickly turned into frustrated self-loathing.

I grit my teeth together hard enough to cut though steel. Jacob noticed my tension.

"Bella?" He moved to my side, placing his large, scorching hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him from the newspaper, feeling the miserable frustration gnaw at and consume my already shaky composure.

"Don't you get it?" I practically shouted at him, feeling like I'd be on the verge of tears if that were possible, "I've made this so much more worse for Charlie. Maybe I should have just let Sam fake my death. At least Charlie _might_ have been able to someday move on. But now he's going to be thinking for the rest of his life that I've _abandoned_ him. I won't be able to ever safely contact him, and I know I'll never be able to let him see me like _this_!" I released one hand off the paper to motion distastefully over my inhuman appearance.

Jacob grip tightened slightly on my shoulder. He didn't say anything. I knew that he couldn't argue with me. His dark eyes were deep with sad understanding.

"What was I thinking, Jake?" I now whispered, already ashamed of having snapped at my best friend, "I was stupid. Selfish. I've given him false hope, Jake. When I never come home again, it's going to devastate him just as deeply as any random fatal bear attack."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Jacob sighed, "I don't like hurting Charlie anymore than you do. I'm not sure if there's anything we _can _do. Charlie's strong, he'll get through this."

"I know." I muttered, "I just miss him. I never got to say goodbye."

Jacob pulled me into a loose hug, his immense heat engulfing me. I rest my head against his burning chest, letting the sound of his deafening heartbeat fill my ears.

My own heart, though long dead and silent, ached.


	13. Loss

I vaulted over a fallen tree, sailing several feet before I lighted back down on the forest floor. Running through the forest was both relaxing and exhilarating. Somewhere behind me, a squirrel bolted in alarm when it detected my scent. The animals were unusually quiet this morning, even before my presence had ensured the last of them were sheltered in hiding.

The silence was eerie; there was hardly even the sound of wind in the trees. I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was easily perceived by my senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. Brief glances of the sky through the trees backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky grey, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today.

I sidestepped a thick clumping of bushes as I continued patrolling.

It had been two days since Quil had phased. He still hadn't learned the required control to phase back yet though. He was still somewhere out in the woods by La Push with Sam's pack. To everyone's immense surprise, after the initial shock and horror, Quil was ecstatic. He was so relieved to finally understand what was going on, that being a werewolf didn't bother him. He actually thought it was pretty cool.

He didn't extend that enthusiasm towards vampires though. I heard he was disgusted when he heard what I'd become. Embry was annoyed that Quil didn't want to join Jacob's pack yet, but Jacob seemed relieved to not have another follower.

It had also been another two days of waiting for Victoria. Maybe she really had given up. Or maybe she had counted on the wolves killing me. She must not have realised the uneasy truce we had.

I was snapped out of my considerations when I heard Jacob, a few miles away, break out of his perimeter. The sound of his padding feet made their way through the thick forest towards me. Confused, I stopped my run so he wouldn't have to chase me down. I waited patiently as he took the time to pull on the pair of pants he had tied to his leg. It clearly wasn't anything that demanded immediate attention, or else he wouldn't have bothered to take the time for explanations. Still, it was something that was important enough to take time out of his patrol to inform me of.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but I was still surprised by the strange expression of worry and pain on his face.

"Sam just told me, and I thought you'd want to know, that Harry Clearwater just had a heart attack."

"Harry?" I shook my head, trying to absorb what he was staying. I struggled to recall the dim memories I had of him. I remembered Charlie's good fishing friend from the spaghetti party. "Oh, no! Does Charlie know?"

"Not yet, but he's over at Billy's right now, and he'll find out in a few."

"Is Harry going to be okay?"

Jacob's eyes tightened. "He's alive, and they're taking him to the hospital now, but it doesn't look so great. But I also came to tell you not to be too freaked out if you hear howling in the woods today."

"Oh _no_, I hope he pulls through. I can understand the howling, everyone's probably really upset right now."

"Yeah." Jacob paused for a moment, and he looked torn over some decision. "I'm not sure if Sam wanted you to know if he could help it, but he now has two new pack members."

"Oh. Who are the new guys?"

"Well, it's extremely surprising. I mean, we've never had a pack member like this before. We always thought that it was the directly descended males who inherit the wolf gene."

"It's someone who's not directly descended?"

"No. Both Seth and _Leah_ Clearwater are direct descendants, all right."

"Seth and Leah _Clearwater_? They _both_ phased? They couldn't be, the reason for, I mean, poor Harry…" I trailed off, horrified at the truth being pieced together in my head.

Jacob nodded.

I could only imagine Leah and Seth's horror. But poor Harry. Poor Sue. I knew Charlie was going to be beside himself. Harry was one of his best friends. Despite Jake's negative take on things, I hoped fervently that Harry would pull through. For Charlie's sake. For Sue's. And especially for Leah's and Seth's. To be the cause of your own father's death… I shuddered.

"I'm going to change." Jacob sighed heavily, "I want to keep in contact with them."

I spent the remainder of the morning half heartedly sweeping my corner of the perimeter. The storm eventually broke over the forest, pelting the trees with unusually cold rain. I supposed it would have felt positively icy to human skin. Ribbons of water filtered their way through the thick canopy, thoroughly drenching me as I ran. The rain washed out most of the smells in the air, replacing them with the clean scent of water and wet earth. But it made it difficult to pickup any possible scent trails drifting in the wind.

I never did hear any howling. But I accredited that to myself. After all, I had been designated to patrol as far away from La Push as effectively possible. Even when I had been closer to La Push, in the meadow, Quil's howl had only barely managed to reach me.

My mind seemed to work unusually slowly as my thoughts worked to make sense through my disquiet. Harry's heart attack only forced more anxiety onto my father's already strained shoulders. Surely he had received the news by now.

I wished so badly I could do something to help. If only I could find a way to reassure Charlie. He didn't deserve thinking I abandoned him of my own choice. I simply couldn't leave him hanging without a chance for closure. But I couldn't tell him the truth, yet protecting him from the truth was causing him to suffer.

And what about Jake? I hadn't considered before, but now it was painfully clear. He wouldn't be able to return to La Push without a risk of running into Charlie. And if he did, Charlie would demand to know where I was. He would demand the truth Jacob couldn't tell.

It was a few hours later when the massive shape of the russet wolf materialized through the rain. His wet fur was plastered flat along his muscular frame.

The grief was clear on his animal face. He met my gaze for a brief moment before he closed his eyes softly and forlornly shook his head.

"Oh, no, Jake!" I moaned.

He gave a heavy sigh, and gave his usual flick of his head to motion me over. I understood that our patrol was over. He looked exhausted. Both mentally and physically. The icy rain dripped out of his fur, pooling around his feet.

"Jake you need to get some rest. You look like you're about to pass out." I told him once we were back in the meadow. The human Jacob shook his head, both disagreeing with me, and trying to shake off his exhaustion. Droplets of water flew off his soaked hair.

"Nah. I think… I think I need to see my dad right now. Harry was one of his best friends. Plus, I haven't been fair to him this past week and some. I mean, it wouldn't be so hard. But with him in his wheelchair nowadays… he had been depending on me more recently. And I – well…"

"What about Charlie?" The words came out with an unintended double meaning. I didn't mean to be accusatory. "Unless you have a really good story, I don't think Charlie's going to appreciate seeing you alone." I clarified.

"Charlie's still at the hospital with Sue. There are a lot of… arrangements to be made. It will probably take a long time. I just thought that… well…"

"Don't worry about it." I muttered, "You should, then. I'm sure Billy will be happy to see you again."

Jacob paused to examine my expression a little closer. I knew he saw my obvious pain. _He _could comfort _his_ father during this time. The best I could do for my father was to stay as far away from him as possible. I couldn't begrudge Jacob for it, but it still stung. Jacob's hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, an anxious habit I'd seen him do a few times since he'd shorn it, and then fell limply at his sides.

"I still can't ever tell you how sorry I am. For letting this happen to you. Really."

I sighed. Even now, it was like Jacob could see right through me. He knew exactly what was paining me so much. But it wouldn't do any good to let him suffer along with me.

"You really should go see Billy before Charlie is finished up at the hospital." I managed to say, futilely trying to hide my anguish. Jacob wasn't fooled. He looked torn for a long moment.

"Look, I'll only be gone for an hour or so. I promise. I'll be back as soon as I can. So no eating hikers behind my back." He finished jokingly, his strained attempt at humour falling flat.

"Sure, sure." I accepted glumly. Jacob's eyes tightened.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered so lightly as he turned away from me, I wasn't even sure if I was meant to hear it. Within a minute he was gone. And I was alone.

I stood in the middle of the meadow while the harsh rain continued to hammer down around me. Rainwater trickled down my face, blurring my vision where the tears should have been.

I eventually moved myself out of the rain, up into the sheltering branches of a tree. I didn't want to have Jacob feeling overly guilty about his decision. There was no reason he shouldn't be able to see his own father during a time of crisis. I wouldn't keep him from making himself and his father a little happier.

My eyes slowly traced over a looping design I'd scrawled into the bark of my tree a previous night ago. I thought more about Leah and Seth, and I knew my problems could be far worse. They had just lost their own father. It was no surprise that Jacob was so anxious to see his own. As I was too.

I studied the pattern on the bark like I could find the answer to my problem in the spirals etched onto the tree.

My thoughts were still circling and twisting like my drawing when Jacob returned. I was lost in the meaningless jumble without any resolution. Jacob took it upon himself to apologize again before he passed out in his tent from too many hours of patrol.

I couldn't find my answer here. But I thought I knew where I could.

_Stupid! Selfish! Risky!_ I berated myself constantly. But the idea was already in my head, and a part of my brain couldn't help but weigh the pros and cons.

_Risky. Way too risky. Dangerous!_ My common sense automatically screamed at myself. The werewolves would never have it. But… I wanted it. I needed it.

The meadow slowly darkened, taking on rich shades of purple. Jacob snored soundly.

Finally, I concluded that maybe it was simply a foolish idea from the very start. I was preparing to put the idea to rest for good when something managed to absolutely overturn my decision.

That something was a single howl. A single cry, so haunting, so utterly void of anything other than the most primal sense of pain and loss. The scream of pure anguish brutally tore down my walls of rational, exposing my own glaring vulnerability.

It was decided. I would go to my house tonight. I would silently check in on my father.

I slowly lowered myself out of the tree. I took a long second to listen to Jacob's loud snoring. It was highly unlikely that anything could wake him right now.

I took off into the forest, heading towards Forks.

My main concern was Charlie's safety. Catching a whiff of a human on the wind was one thing, but being inside a house full of the smell was another. But this was my father, not a random hiker. Not to mention there was no reason I couldn't hold my breath the moment I even entered the town.

Probably then, my next greatest concern would be the reaction of the wolves. They would surely pick up my trail leading straight to Forks. I would have to explain myself as soon as possible afterwards. Would they understand? Or would they get tired of having to deal with my threat to humans? As long as I didn't kill anybody… right?

I sucked in my last breath when I starting catching the smells of car exhaust and wet asphalt. My destination was only a few minutes away.

I stuck to the forest, circling around the town until I reached the house. It was late, and there were no signs of life in the dark windows. Charlie's cruiser was pulled into the driveway, so I knew he must be home and already asleep.

I hesitated in the fringe of trees that bordered the property. But I knew I couldn't turn back now. My scent was already evidence I'd come into town. No getting away with it now. I might as well upset the wolves thoroughly.

The ragged hole in my chest tore violently with pain as I realised how I was going to enter. I could have screamed at the cruel coincidence.

It took me half a second to dart across the lawn and scale the side of the house. I dangled from the eave with one hand as I quietly slid the window to my bedroom open with the other. I silently eased myself through the opening.

I could hear Charlie's light snoring and heartbeat coming from his room down the hallway. I knew I was now silent enough that he'd never wake up. Only a single, loose floorboard squeaked as I lowered my weight down onto it.

I was here, and, despite my guilt, I was glad. I needed to be here to regain a proper perspective of things. It did no good to be lost in the ancient green maze of trees. I needed to be here, in my clear cut house, with him so close that it only made my feeling of loss worse.

I silently padded down the hallway, trying desperately to find a resolution to my problem that I could live with. I ghosted down the stairs, and entered the kitchen, examining the evidence of my father's life after I had left. A pile of pizza delivery boxes were stacked next to the garbage. Newspapers and phonebooks were spread out on the kitchen table. A loose sheet of paper was covered in phone numbers and contact information for all sorts of people and agencies.

It was agonizingly clear that I could no longer keep my father hanging. He deserved some small shred of the truth. I slowly wandered around the house, trying to find some way to make this bearable for him. He couldn't ever see me again, because he'd immediately know that there was something terrible wrong with me.

I froze for a moment as I processed that, a new idea slowly building in my head.

Could I do it? Could I allow him to see me? To let him see that there _was_ something drastically different about me? Then he would know that there was something bigger to this than just myself running away. I wouldn't be able to tell him the specifics, but I could let him know that there was something, out of my control, that had led me to leave. But would he be able to live with the need-to-know?

I sat down lightly on my bed, having unconsciously returned to my room during my wandering. By the evidence on the kitchen table, it was clear he was frantic for the truth. He could never know the full, ugly truth. But could he live with a small piece of it?

I wondered what Billy thought about me. After all, he was in on the whole thing. But I couldn't imagine my father would be comfortable at all in the world of supernatural. I would protect him from it if I could. But he deserved to know something. Even if he didn't need to know that I was now a cold-skinned, red-eyed monster.

Gold would be better than red, I decided. And with that I came to my conclusion. Once my eyes were no longer ghastly, I would appear before him again. I would tell him as much as I dared, and I would finally be able to give him a proper goodbye.

I returned to the meadow shortly afterwards, Jacob having never noticed my brief disappearance, was still asleep. I made a promise to myself that tonight would not be the last night I would see my home before I left it forever.


	14. Unpleasant Surprise

I slowly twisted the little handheld mirror back and forth, examining my bloody crimson eyes. I was glad to see that the colour had faded, if only so faintly that a human eyes wouldn't register the slight change. At least I had some proof that things were changing out here in the forest where time seemed meaningless.

Although, this morning, it seemed that the time passed by much more noticeably. Was it because I was expecting Sam and his pack any minute? The trail I left last night could not have gone unnoticed by them. I did not regret my choice. I was fully aware of the risk and possible consequences afterwards. But knowing didn't make those likely consequences any more pleasant.

Maybe I was just being pessimistic. What's the worst they could do? Okay, they could kill me. But somehow, I didn't see that happening. Sam wasn't that heartless, and I'm sure the other wolves would understand too. I had also been earning their trust over the week, resisting the lure of humans, and helping out patrolling.

Then maybe the next worst thing they could do was send me away. Maybe they would get tired of having to worry about my risk, and demand I leave Forks. No, they wouldn't do that. Victoria was still, in theory, after me. And the wolves wanted her dead. Even though she _still_ hadn't shown up, there was a good chance she would come back.

The third worst thing I could think of would be that they would forbid me from seeing my father again. But then their logic would be a little flawed. They had allowed the… Cullens – I mentally stuttered over the name – to interact with people in Forks all the time. It's not like I had been in any danger of harming anyone.

Those were the thoughts running through my head as I disinterestedly continued to inspect my red irises, waiting for the wolves.

Much later in the morning, maybe closer to noon, I was lying on my back in the middle of the meadow, watching the smooth overcast drift and stir in the sky. Jacob would have wanted me to wake him up by now, but he seriously needed the sleep. He was a wreck and, especially after yesterday, I'm sure he would appreciate a few extra hours of unconsciousness. I also admitted to myself that I was forestalling the big reveal, worried what Jacob's reaction would be once I told him.

My eyes zeroed in on a dark flash of motion in the sky, contrasting strongly against the grey wash. A bald eagle, its head cocking as it scanned the forest for prey, gliding on the wind.

I listened to the sounds of the forest. Mice scampered over the forest floor. A roosting bird shook out its feathers. The eagle let out a high keening. I watched, mildly fascinated, as it angled its wings and dove out of the sky, disappearing as it passed the horizon of treetops.

I heard the padding of immense feet, subtle as they picked their way through the forest. I thought it sounded a lot like one of the wolves. I listened harder. The soft footsteps paused often, they sounded wary… hesitant.

Maybe it was a mountain lion. It probably caught my scent. I considered hunting it, but I wasn't really overly thirsty at the moment. I had only come across another mountain lion once before so far. I had found its warm, tangy smell to be much sharper and more appealing than that of the deer and elk. The taste, too, was somewhat more enjoyable. It was almost worth the shirt its hooked claws and sharp teeth shredded.

A second set of paws joined the first.

I frowned slightly as I tracked the noise more intently than before. They were still a good distance away, but I couldn't help but notice how the two animals made their way closer. Surely they had caught my scent, it would explain the way they cautiously made their way through the forest. Then why did they so doggedly ignore their instincts? Coming closer as my scent surely became stronger to them…

A low whine easily reached my ears.

I immediately leapt to my feet. It _was_ a wolf. Two wolves. They couldn't be ordinary wolves; I could discern the immense weight behind the muted footsteps. Two werewolves.

I didn't stop to try to understand their odd behaviour. I rushed over to Jacob's tent, unzipping the entrance in one smooth motion.

"_Jacob_!" I hissed loudly, trying to wake him up. His forehead creased and he frowned slightly in his sleep. I reached into the tent and shook him lightly.

Jacob flinched slightly at my icy touch and reluctantly opened his eyes. He squinted a bit as he took in my expression. He looked confused at my frantic attempt to wake him.

"Wha'isit?" He spoke in a rush, his words slurred with sleep.

"There are two wolves right near us."

"What? Who?" He pulled his body upright, propping himself up on one arm.

"I'm not sure, I haven't seen them yet. But I have to tell you… I'm really sorry… I…" – I paused momentarily to swallow back my nervousness, hoping Jacob wouldn't react too badly – "I kinda went into Forks last night." I held my breath, waiting for him to say something.

"What! _Why?_" He gaped at me. His shocked eyes quickly narrowed with suspicion.

"I needed to see Charlie."

"_WHAT!_" He exclaimed, his eyes bugging out, "You let Charlie see you?"

"No!" I shouted too loud, "No. I just… I wanted to check in on him, after what happened yesterday. I felt so bad. I swear he didn't even know I was there. I'm sorry, I know, it was really stupid."

"Yeah, that was _really_ stupid. And now Sam's probably going to chew me out for letting you go without me."

"I sort of predicted that might happen." I admitted sheepishly, guilty over my selfishness.

"Then why didn't you wait until I was awake until you had to 'check in'?"

"What?" I gaped at the strange look of betrayal on his face. I had not at all anticipated that he would have approved, and even willingly escorted me, if I had asked him beforehand.

"Ugh. Never mind. Where the hell are those wolves now?" He grumbled, pushing himself to his feet. I backed out of the tent to give him room. He bent his towering body as he ducked out through the entrance.

As he straightened out, he turned his focus out into the meadow. I followed his gaze and froze with surprise.

Two werewolves stood at the farthest edge of the meadow. However, I wasn't expecting what I saw. I had never seen these two before. One was small for a werewolf, and gangly with oversized paws, with fur the color of desert sand. The other was slim with light grey fur, hackles puffing slightly as I met its gaze.

Leah and Seth Clearwater.

I couldn't tell which was which. The sandy wolf's eyes darted between me, Jacob and its sibling. His or her ears were pressed low, and he was half hidden behind the grey wolf. Both crinkled their muzzles against my scent.

The grey wolf stood with an unfathomable expression on its face. It looked at the two of us with a look that was a strange mix of pain and disgust. Maybe even defiance, as it stood there unflinchingly, returning our stares, while the sandy wolf shifted anxiously behind.

"What in the –" Jacob trailed off, clearly no more expecting our guests than I had. We exchanged a sideways glance, and he raised a finger to signal he needed a second, before he jogged off into the trees to phase.

With Jacob momentarily out of sight, both wolves eyed me warily. I tried to connect the pieces of the puzzle, the newest pack members, who had just lost their father last night, without Sam, the odd way they approached… but I couldn't conclude anything. I had no idea why they were here like they were.

Both wolves simultaneously jerked their attention towards the forest where Jacob went. That signalled that he must now be in wolf form, now sending and receiving thoughts with the two…

But it only worked like that, so instantaneously, between him and Embry. If he wanted to communicate with Sam's pack members, he needed to use Sam as the middle man. But why wasn't he here then?

I jumped slightly as I heard Jacob's low growl come from the forest. The sandy wolf ducked its head and whined slightly. The grey wolf stayed silent, but renewed the strange mixed look on its face.

Jacob came back out into the meadow, glaring at the two wolves. He looked confused, but definitely angry at something. He snarled at the two. The grey wolf flinched and looked unsure for the first time, while the tan wolf suddenly grew bolder, growling back at Jacob.

The silent conversation continued for a number of minutes, with the occasional exasperated snort or hushed growl from Jacob. The light grey wolf's eyes were now closed, and it looked like it was in pain. The sandy wolf reverted to it's anxious self, now pawing the ground while its tail twitched sporadically. Jacob took a deep breath, filling his massive lungs until his sides bulged. With a low whoosh, he exhaled in a gust. Both of the newcomers perked up slightly. Jacob turned to me with an odd, resigned expression.

He hurried to phase, taking less than half a minute before he returned. Jacob ran a hand through his short hair, throwing hard glances at the two wolves.

"Bella – Seth and Leah." He waved his hand to motion first at the sand coloured wolf, Seth, who nodded infinitesimally, then to the grey wolf, Leah, who adverted her gaze, not deigning herself to eye contact with me. "Seth and Leah – Bella." He finished the introductions.

"Um, hi. Seth, Leah." I murmured hesitantly. Leah snorted.

"Yeah. Get used to seeing them around, since they've apparently chosen to join me."

"What? Why? I mean, even Quil didn't want to join, and he is one of your best friends."

"Er –" He turned his attention to Leah, "You don't mind if I tell her the basic facts, do you? I'm sorry, but it would make it easiest to understand."

Leah glared openly at him, but otherwise didn't make any sound or motion of protest. Jacob turned back to me.

"It's another of those bizarre things about this new life that we have to deal with. It's called imprinting."

Leah snapped her teeth together murderously.

"Before Sam became a werewolf, he and Leah really loved each other." Jacob explained. I looked over at Leah, surprised. She continued to glare at Jacob, but she couldn't quite keep up the anger, her pain slowly becoming more obvious. Jacob went on.

"After he changed for the first time, he went missing in the woods for weeks. Leah was frantic. When he finally came back, Sam couldn't tell her what happened. He wasn't allowed to let her in on the secret. But, he still tried to be with her. They really loved each other."

I felt my heart ache as I saw an oversized tear well up in the corner of Leah's eye. She snorted angrily, trying to mask it, before turning and stalking off into the forest, fleeing Jacob's story. Seth quickly trailed after her. I wondered what went wrong. Wouldn't everything now be cleared up between them, now that she was in on the secret? Jacob looked upset as well, but continued.

"Leah's cousin, Emily, came down from the Makah reservation to visit her one weekend. Now, this is where everything got weird. So, imprinting? Well, Sam did love Leah. But when he saw Emily, that didn't matter anymore. Sometimes . . . we don't exactly know why . . . we find our mates that way." His face reddened. "I mean . . . our soul mates. It's a pretty absolute thing once you lay eyes on the person."

"Love at first sight?" I asked incredulously.

"But infinitely more powerful." He clarified. "And that's what happened. He broke Leah's heart. He went back on every promise he'd ever made her. And if turning into a wolf and what happened to her father weren't enough, Leah had to deal with hearing all of Sam's thoughts laid out as he loved another person. She couldn't handle it. The last thing she wanted to do was join me, the 'leech lover', but she decided it was worth it to get away from Sam. Seth tagged along because he's looking out for his sister."

"That's absolutely awful." I whispered, struggling to grasp the sheer amount of pain she must have had to deal with in the past couple days. What she is still dealing with. It made my own empty chest flare coldly.

"I probably wish I wouldn't have to deal with sharing her thoughts, but I'm not going to be a jackass and force her to go back to Sam. She really doesn't want to be a burden. Once she can phase back, she doesn't plan on getting involved with us if she can help it. Surprisingly, after her and the rest of Sam's pack found out you went to Charlie's house last night, she actually doesn't hate you as much as she could. She was more pissed when Sam couldn't understand why risk so much to see your father."

I heard Seth and Leah as they wandered aimlessly in the forest to the north. I felt a strong pang of sympathy for the two. I knew more than ever that I had been right to visit Charlie last night.

"I hope Sam isn't too angry at me."

"Well, he is. But he knows he can't really do much about it. It's not like he can kill you just because you checked in on your dad."

"I'm sorry."

"Ah well. Just warn me next time when you want to go spying on people in the middle of the night."

"I didn't realise you'd be fine with it. I was sure you guys wouldn't let me."

"Nah. I know how much you feel bad for Charlie. I'm not surprised. I trusted you would have held your breath, but I would have preferred to be with you, just in case, y'know."

"Wow. Thanks Jake." I said, surprised at his understanding.

"Anytime, you know that." He smiled warmly, "I know all of this is hard for you right now."

I smiled genuinely back.

And then I heard Seth and Leah howl at the exact same time. The ear splitting howling came from only two miles away. The sharp howls were unexpectedly urgent.

"Wha –" I started confused, but Jacob somehow understood the message.

"Damnit." He snarled. For a second he stood while heavy shudders wracked his body. The next second he exploded in blast of russet fur, taking on the form of the monstrous wolf.

Again, the howls rose into the air, Jacob's now added to the chorus.

My insides turned into ice.

_No._

More combined howling. They weren't taking any chances for misunderstandings.

Oh no, no, no.

Jacob bolted forward and I automatically followed, my mind reeling. Jacob was snarling.

_Victoria had returned._

My senses were working on overdrive, every nerve a live wire, overanalysing every little piece of my surrounding, not letting any snatch of information go unnoticed.

My sense of smell locked on to a scent. Sweet, pleasant. Like peach and orange blossom.

Not Victoria.

My rational thought was frozen in shock as I struggled to understand. Another vampire?

A coincidence? A nomad passing through?

A Cullen?

My chest squeezed painfully as I tried to quash the exploding hope. I couldn't afford to expect them at this moment. I shouldn't expect them. It was just a single scent. A single vampire.

A second scent. Warm, something just off nutmeg.

Two vampires. My mind didn't know whether to scream with joy or horror. I didn't have long to decide.

I suddenly heard the snarling. Both a wolf's and one that was strange and wild, with an unchecked feral edge that I'd never heard before.

I raced faster. Had Leah and Seth been around long enough to understand the treaty between the werewolves and the Cullens? If so, then _was _it another random two vampires? Or were Leah and Seth forcing the Cullens into a fight? Jacob fell behind me.

A grating screech cut through the air. The sound was perversely wrong. My instincts recoiled against it. The next moment, a scream of agony. Light footsteps, the skip of paws. Snarling on both ends. I needed to get there. Now.

They would be in sight in less than five seconds.

A third scent. A fourth.

Even more vampires.

Three seconds.

It couldn't be. Could it?

One second.

A crunch of bone. A yelp of pain.

Everything suddenly seemed to move in fast forward.

_It wasn't them._

Seth darted past me in the opposite direction. Behind him was a pair of red eyes. Vivid, glowing crimson eyes. It was a young man, with pale brown hair, appearing a few years older than me, although you could hardly call him a man. More like an animal. His face was devoid of any rational thought. It was twisted in anger and madness. His teeth were bared and glistening. A large chunk of his forearm and most of his hand was missing, the edges brutally mangled.

His eyes widened slightly as he saw me. A rasping hiss escaped his throat. He immediately sprang at me, hands outstretched to catch me. My own hands moved without my command, my instinct meeting his grip before he could rip me apart.

I grappled with him for a full second, blown away by his brute strength. My hands sang with pain as he crushed them between his fingers. Without thinking, I screeched in protest. He shoved me, hard, releasing his grasp as I flew back through the air, colliding into a tree. The wood shattered under my body.

I snarled at the man, enraged and horrified. I struggled to get back onto my feet. His eyes narrowed with anger and he snarled back. He sank into a crouch, ready to lunge again. I was crouched defensively now, braced and ready for action.

My eyes widened with terror as I caught the flash of another, and then one more vampire as they darted through the trees towards me. Their bright red eyes, mirroring both the man's and my own, locked onto me eagerly.

The man with the pale brown hair lunged at me. His mouth was pulled into a gruesome excuse for a smile. A contortion of teeth, razor sharp and ready to tear.


	15. Strangers

This wasn't anything like facing down Victoria. There was no burning anger in me. No irrational lust for my attacker's demise. No bloody red haze tinting my vision and sharpening my fighting instinct.

There was only fear. I could only think in one form of self preservation.

Run.

But there was no escape. The stranger with the glowing crimson eyes and pale brown hair sailed towards me. Two of his fingers, plus most of his hand and forearm were completely missing from one side.

Ripped off by a werewolf's jaws.

The remainder of his fingers were outstretched like talons, eager to capture me. Two additional vampires moved in towards me from the depths of the forest. They were both middle-aged women, one with shortish dark brown hair, and the other with long raven hair that streamed behind her as she ran. There was a forth vampire somewhere too. I could smell it.

_Run._

But the fear was paralyzing. Its only companion was my confusion. Who were these people? Why were they attacking us? I didn't want to attack them. I had no quarrel with these strangers.

My brain provided the most logical answers. Nomads, perhaps. Complete coincidence. Vampires who had no friendly business with werewolves. Especially when one of those wolves had already torn off your arm. I heard Seth and Jacob as they raced forward from behind me. Leah's paw steps were nowhere to be heard. One of the wolves behind me let loose a ripping snarl.

"_Fight!_" Edward's voice shouted at me, breaking through my fear gripped mind.

The word brought forth a deluge of dim memories. Four strangers, not these ones, but from a different lifetime. The dark alleyway. The same feeling of panic and fear. The determination not to go down without a fight.

Self defence.

Fast as lightning, I raised my hand, and shoved it palm forward just as the male vampire closed the last foot between us. Between the speed of my thrust, and the speed the man had been travelling towards me, the heel of my hand smashed into his nose with unprecedented force.

First there was a deafening smash, quickly followed by the most awful cracking noise as I felt the bridge of his nose give way underneath my palm.

The vampire's hands flew up to cover his face. He stumbled back away from me, eyes screwed up, and screaming and snarling with pain. Through the gaps of his missing fingers, I saw the result of my blow. His nose was disgustingly crumpled and mangled in on itself.

In a flash of russet fur, Jacob suddenly bounded forward, pouncing on the vampire.

Jacob knocked him down onto his back, and bit down onto the man's shoulder. He screamed and raised his good hand to strike Jacob hard in his chest. I heard the crack of bone, and saw Jacob's eyes bulge with pain. His teeth locked down, tearing a hole in the vampire's shoulder with a horrible grating screech as Jacob nimbly pulled off him.

The two vampires in the distance visibly faltered as they saw the attack on their companion. The two slowed, and took defensive stances as Seth rushed past Jacob and the man.

The pale browned haired vampire staggered upright as Jacob spat out the chunk of marble flesh. It hit the forest floor with a dull thud. I could see the limp in his step as he prepared to lunge at the vampire again.

Jacob's pain sent a jolt of electricity through me. I no longer cared that these were complete strangers. I would tear them apart for even thinking of hurting him. The lightning ignited my anger and determination, burning away my fear and replacing it with red flames that tinted my vision.

I leapt forwards, deciding my target. Although Jacob was closer, and injured, I knew Seth was worse off in a two-on-one fight. I reluctantly left behind Jacob and sped forward to back up Seth. I knew there was a fourth vampire _somewhere_ nearby, but I couldn't hear him, only smell. I would deal with him when he appeared.

Without warning, Leah appeared. Crashing out from behind an oversized clumping of bushes, she ambushed the two female vampires from the side.

I couldn't help but admire their amazing coordination as Leah took down the lady with the long black hair before she could even turn. Distracted, the woman with the brown hair was an easy target as Seth leapt at her. She raised her arm defensively, but Seth's jaws closed down on it, and she snarled madly at him.

I faltered, torn between who I could effectively assist. I spun quickly, getting a sense for everyone's fights. Jacob and the man were in a standoff, waiting for the other to make the first move. Both were snarling viciously, Jacob's hackles were impossibly high. Leah's dagger like teeth ripped into the woman's neck, tearing her head from her shoulders in a sickening high pitched squeal and a snap of finality.

_One down_. I thought with relief. Leah could now help Seth. I would help Jacob then. I immediately acted, sinking into a crouch, and lunging at the male vampire.

The man had his back turned to me, snarling at Jacob. It was deeply unnerving to see him still functioning with a body so grotesquely mutilated.

It was a good thing he was so distracted. I don't even think he realised I was there until I managed to wrap my arms around his torso.

He hissed in shock. I managed to lock my hands together on his chest just in time. He struggled against my restraint, and I was surprise at his immense strength. I could feel the tremendous amounts of force he exerted as he thrashed, trying to free himself. Victoria's strength couldn't even touch on this vampire's.

I instinctively clung tighter, crushing him. I drove my teeth into the back of his neck.

This vampire's scent had been the first I'd detected. The pleasant mix of peach and orange blossom. With my face pressed into his skin, it overwhelmed all other scents. But then I tasted him, and it was sickening how intensely potent the sweet flavour was.

I wasn't like Leah. My teeth and jaws weren't monstrous things that could decapitate in a single well-aimed bite. But I could still try. I felt his skin split under my razor sharp teeth.

I wasn't sure how I should be feeling, knowing I was willingly trying to kill a sentient being. My mind was filled with fear and anger, but my body was full of instinct and impulse. Misunderstanding or not, this had turned into a kill-or-be-killed situation.

My upper and lower teeth met each other deep in the back of the vampire's neck, and I pulled backwards, tearing off a mouthful of the disgustingly sweet flesh. I didn't even flinch when it screeched like tearing granite.

I turned my head enough to spit out the offending piece to the ground, and turned back to his neck again.

And again.

It was mechanical, as I removed more chunks from the vampire's neck. I was vividly aware of how his body flailed under my crushing grip, and how he screamed and roared with pain.

I heard a piercing yelp of pain from one of the wolves. I could still hear the third vampire snarling. The noise mixed in with the wolf snarls and more of the squealing metallic clamour.

Finally, with a revolting crunch, I ripped the vampire's head clean from his shoulders.

I let out a choked gasp as I heard the loud thud as it hit the ground. Horrified, I jerkily unlocked my arms and forced myself to step back. I couldn't take my eyes away from the sight of the decapitated body still standing in front of me. It took me a second to realize I had started shaking.

Horror-struck, I watched as the limp body swayed momentarily on its feet. Finally, it lurched forward as it fell. The head was hidden somewhere under the thick ferns. I was weakly relieved.

And then the decapitated body caught itself just before it hit the ground.

My hand flew upwards to muffle the strangled scream that came out of my mouth.

I watched, transfixed, as the body slowly righted itself. It turned, facing its nonexistent focus onto me.

My stomach twisted in a way reminiscent of nausea. Even shaking hard, I was frozen to the spot.

A shred of memory, blurry and dark, filtered through my mind. The words were in the weak, flat tone of my human memories.

_"How can you kill a vampire?"_

He had glanced at me with unreadable eyes and his voice was suddenly harsh._ "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces." _

The body staggered forward a step, before it sunk into a crouch and lunged at me.

It felt like I was on autopilot. Or maybe in shock. The lunge was poorly aimed, and I had no troubles dodging, and then grabbing the body as it flashed past me.

I grabbed one of its arms in both my hands and flung the hapless body to the forest floor. Keeping the grip on its arm, I planted my foot on its chest, pinning it securely, and pulled.

The body arched under me as I tore its limb off. With the red haze still lingering in my vision, I continued to methodically dismember the body.

I felt something very warm bump my back and I spun, hissing furiously.

Jacob quickly backed up, eyes wide at my reaction, but his ears were low and he was eyeing me with the strangest expression. I wondered what he saw. The adrenaline drained out of me when I realised I wasn't being attacked. It left me feeling empty and numb.

I staggered back a few steps, abandoning the pile of twitching, quivering limbs. I forced myself not to look at them while I inspected the outcome of the conflict around me. I suddenly realized I smelled blood. Fresh wolf blood. It sent a flash wave of fire down my throat. I ignored the intense burn, but was deeply alarmed that at least one of them had been hurt badly.

Leah stood off behind a few trees, holding a hind leg awkwardly off the ground. Her teeth were bared, and her flank twitched with pain. A mangled and convulsing body lay a few yards away.

Seth was routing through the tall ferns and bushes and as I watched, he extricated a large white slab of flesh with his jaws. I saw the large quantity of blood matting the fur on his shoulder. It dripped down his front leg, but he didn't seem to be limping. He tossed the piece onto what I assumed was a pile that I couldn't see, hidden behind the thick bushes.

I started slightly when I heard a group of creatures running with inhuman speed towards us. It only took a quarter of a second to realise it was our backup, Sam's pack.

"Did you guys get all four of them?" I turned to Jacob and asked, my voice sounding strange even to myself. I never had seen the fourth vampire, although my back was turned for most of the wolves' battles.

Jacob's ears perked up, and he cocked his head, confused. Seth paused his gathering to glance alarmed at me. Even Leah looked up, although she gave more of a glare of disgust towards me.

"We only killed three?" I asked, suddenly feeling a lot tenser, alert. Jacob nodded seriously while Seth turned frantically, raising his head to smell the air. I suddenly remembered what Jacob had once told me. Apparently, they found it hard to discern my scent from Victoria's. All the vampires must smell very similar to the werewolves. But not to me. I could easily identify four different scents in the air. I suppressed the urge to snarl at this revelation.

Sam's pack quickly darted through the last of the trees separating us. I glanced briefly to see Sam leading, followed by Paul and Jared, followed by a newcomer. His fur was chocolate brown. It must be Quil. I turned back to Jacob.

"Stay here, the wolf smell throws me off." I barked at him. Before he could even respond, I quickly darted towards the mangled corpse near Leah. Her head was turned away, and I bet she wasn't happy to see Sam. But when I came closer, she whipped her dark gaze around to snarl at me.

I ignored her, and took a deep lungful of the air near the body, memorizing the scent. I turned and spotted the pile Seth had been assembling, I sped over and tested the air above it as well. Then I turned and inhaled the general forest air deeply, pulling all of the flavours in.

There it was. The fourth vampire with a scent reminiscent of warmth and nutmeg. He hadn't come near our fight, but he'd been close enough for the wind to carry his scent in.

I had no clue at how to track, but I started by heading the way the vampires had come.

I followed the trail north, noting with relief and apprehension that the scent was gaining strength. I heard a few of the wolves follow after me from a lengthy distance. The scent eventually led me east. It quickly became the only vampire scent in the air. This is where he had left behind the other three.

I paused to think for a moment. It still didn't escape me that three sentient beings had just been massacred. Beings just like Laurent, James or Victoria. But also just like me or the Cullens.

Was there a reason why this one left the others? I recalled that Laurent initially abandoned James' coven when he didn't want to fight the Cullens. Was this the same thing? A vampire who didn't want to get caught outnumbered and killed?

I wrestled with my conscience for a few seconds, considering the ethics of what I was doing. I had just killed another vampire. Well, almost, but remains were sure to be burned after all of this. And now I was hunting down a second. I briefly considered turning back, telling the wolves that I had lost the trail. Would they know better?

And then I heard him.

The vampire must have heard me approaching, and a rasping hiss filtered through the forest in front of me. A second later, I picked up the sound of his feet as he sped towards me with inhuman speed.

I immediately slowed, and sunk into a hunting crouch. I continued to weave my way through the forest, until I spotted him through the trees.

We locked identical vivid red eyes, and he froze, completely halting his attack. He stood perfectly still, in his own hunting crouch, slightly concealed behind the trunk of a massive cedar.

The vampire was just a boy, maybe not even fourteen, with short, messy black hair that contrasted sharply with his pale white skin.

I slowly forced myself out of my crouch, wondering if I could avoid a fight. The boy's eyes were wide, clear with surprise and confusion. And then he called out.

"What happened to the others?" His voice was high and clear, emphasising his obvious youth. There was an edge of panic, worry, to his ringing voice. I suddenly felt like a monster for killing the others.

"They were all killed." I admitted.

The boy snarled, and I prepared to fight him, but he made no move towards me. "We need to get back." He hissed, "We shouldn't have followed Morris."

_We?_ Now I was confused. Was he mistaking me for someone else? "Morris?" I asked.

"You must have followed him too. That really obnoxious guy who wanted to prove himself?" The boy's voice lowered to a whisper, but I could still hear every word just as clear, "The woman told him he couldn't do with so few. We need to get back to Seattle before we get killed too. Who are you anyways? I wasn't keeping track of all the people the woman was changing–"

His words were suddenly cut off by a wild snarl that erupted from his throat. Without another word, he turned and ran. I was shocked before I realised I could hear the wolves almost directly behind me. They sprinted past – giving me a wide berth – and I watched as the entirety of Sam's pack hunted down the young boy.

Within a matter of seconds, the wolves were swallowed up by the trees, and I could only stand and listen and I heard them catch up. The vampire was too slow.

There was snarling, then screaming, then the awful metallic screeching that I'd unwillingly become more than familiar with.

I felt another wolf approach from behind me, and I turned to see Jacob, jogging towards me, not making any inclination that he wished to join the fight. I noticed Leah and Seth were nowhere to be seen. I wondered if they were still collecting together the chunks of vampire. He paused right beside me, and I spent a long moment meeting his dark gaze.

Suddenly, a deafening howl broke the air. Jacob spun his head towards the fight in the distance. He lurched forward, sprinting headlong towards the fight. I heard a cacophony of yelping, snarling and howling.

I felt a jolt of adrenaline, then I was quickly running too. I overtook Jacob within seconds, and the tree quickly cleared, giving me a clear view of Sam's pack. They were all circling, pacing restlessly. Pieces of pale flesh were scattered everywhere. Only one wolf stood still.

Quil. He yelped and whined with pain. His chocolate brown head was pointed down to the ground, and the forearms of his front legs rubbed relentlessly against his muzzle. He finally lifted his head up and howled with pain. And that's when I saw it.

Right across the bridge of his muzzle. Two bloody red crescents, streaming hot blood down the side of his face.

Quil had been bitten.


End file.
